Our Love Will Be Remembered

Our Love Will be Remembered... (Ch 23)

OUR LOVE WILL BE REMEMBERED...

Chapter 23

And so life went back to normal. For some reason I needed normal. And that need for normality is definitely what led me to my next love.

Jane Grant. Jane. Even her name was normal.

We met normally too. It was at a dinner party with my fellow paramedic students. She was the friend of a friend.

That night we talked, drinking beer and eating spaghetti. There was something eerily right about her, like she was who I belong with, like I could actually build a life with her. I had never had this particular feeling before. Maybe the fact I was getting older was edging in the balance, and with everything I had lived, even at twenty-one, I felt much older.

Jane felt normal, made me feel normal, but Jane also felt comfortable, like the one thing you know won’t falter. She was this anchor I had never experience before. Routinely dates, same restaurants, same type of movies, same streets to walk in, same conversation subjects… comfort and familiarity.

She was this balance I never really had in my life. My life was hectic; there were no doubts about this fact. Jane made me feel different, made me feel serene, peaceful, right for once.

I liked it, liked the feeling. Though some part of me thrilled for excitement and forbiddance, another part of me needed that calm. I still needed a break, because when I had left, when I had looked for a break, I had gone straight to Maria, and Maria hadn’t been a break.

But Jane was, Jane was what I had needed at the moment, like Maria had been, like Hayisa before her and Gwen before… each and every one of the women I had loved had been what I needed at the time, and Jane was no exception.

And I loved her. She was so easy to love. She never asked for anything complicated. She was the opposite of complication, she uncomplicated things. Things seemed clear with Jane.

But though she made things uncomplicated for me, I have to say Jane was one of my stupidest moves with my loved ones. Not the stupidest, that would be Coraline—we’ll get to her soon enough—but one of the stupidest.

Showing myself with Jane publicly only meant people would be questioning me once she would go missing. Because she was my girlfriend, that was official, we weren’t sneaking around, I wasn’t in a foreign country where no one knew me, no people knew we were dating and saw us together.

But I couldn’t help myself. Couldn’t help myself from loving her… and then from killing her.