Risk It All - James McVey/The Vamps fan fiction *COMPLETED*

Epilogue - Funeral; James

I woke up on the day of her funeral, with the worst pain in my heart. This was going to be the hardest day of my life. I couldn't believe it when Tristan called me. It was the worst moment I had experienced, up until now.
We were on the tour bus, just playing some FIFA, when my phone rang. Tris Evs calling. I picked it up and went out of the room, handing my controller to Nate - the one from The Tide, not the dickhead who decided he could do anything he wanted with Jessie.
"Yo, Tris, what's up?" I answered, hoping he would be telling me how Jess's exam was.
"Uh... James... I... I don't know what to say..." I could hear that he was choked up. I just wanted him to tell me what had happened.
"Tristan, seriously. What is going on? Is Jess okay? Are you okay? What's happening?" I could feel the panic rising within me, as I heard a small sob.
"James, she's... She's... Jessie's dead." He whispered, his voice shaking.
"NO!" I shouted, over and over again, putting the phone down and starting to sob. People started moving around me, comforting me, but I didn't want them. I wanted her. I wanted Jess. My Jess.
The one I loved. More than anyone else.
I got up in a daze. My parents tried to make me eat something, but j couldn't bear it. My stomach was churning as I changed into my black suit. This wasn't what she would have wanted. It was all I could think. She would have wanted everyone to be happy, remembering who she was when she was alive. Not this.
I was in a daze as my parents drove Sophie and me to the funeral. We had stayed in Yorkshire the night before, because Jess's parents had asked me to do a reading for her, and they had something to give me, apparently. It was going to be a small funeral, then a larger wake, with her friends and teachers from school. I didn't realise until Soph took my hand that we were there. I got out of the car slowly, looking around for her, then realised she wasn't there. She was never going to be there again.
"James. Come over here, love." My parents were already over with her family, and I stumbled over, feeling like I was drunk. Tristan immediately pulled me into his arms, and I felt myself begin to sob. We were there for what felt like hours, holding each other and crying, all the emotions we had both felt coming out. I then went to Jess's mum and dad, hugging them both tightly.
"Thank you, James." Her mum whispered to me.
"What... What for?" I said, my voice wobbling.
"For being there for her. For loving her. I'll never forget that. She loved you so much." She wiped a tear away from her cheek and smiled weakly at me, wiping my own tears.
"I love her more than words can say. I always will."
The actual funeral was a blurry mess, until it was time for my speech. I stood up, walked to the podium and looked at the cards I had written.
"Uh... Jess... Jessie... Most of you knew her as Jessie, but she was my Jess. She always was, from the minute she walked into Connor's house for that band practice." I could feel the tears running down my face and I wiped them away quickly. "I risked it all for her, and she risked it all for me. She opened herself up, told me her hopes, her dreams, her fears. She was the kindest, most loving person I have ever met. This should never have happened to her. Never. It was my stupid mistake. I love her so much, and I always will. I'm so sorry, baby. I love you. I promise." I whispered the last parts to myself, wiped my tears, and went to sit back down. Sophie took my hand again and squeezed it gently.
"You did amazing, James. You should never have had to do that." She whispered, and we sat through the rest of the ceremony with her head on my shoulder, her free hand occasionally wiping my tears away. At the end, after most people had gone to the wake, Jess's dad came up to me.
"James... Jessie wanted you to have this. She never... She never wrote a will, but when she found out... She wrote letters for everyone she cared about. I've only read the one she left for her mother and me, but she wrote this for you. And... We wanted you to have the necklace you gave her." He handed me a letter with my name on, and the small gold chain with the J charm on it as he spoke. His eyes brimmed full of tears and I hugged him tightly, my own eyes clouding over.
"Thank you." I whispered, clutching both the letter and necklace in my hands. I knew I would always wear the necklace, forever. It was part of her, and I wanted to be with her forever. And if I couldn't have that, due to whatever cruel forces were working against us this whole time, this was the next best thing.
It wasn't her, but it was the closest I could be to her. I could feel her on my skin always.
But I wouldn't have needed that to remember her. I love her. And that's all I need to remember Jess.