Dear Ana,

In Omnia Paratus

I curled my lashes and drew black around my eyes with eyeliner.
Finishing touch of mascara. I looked at my phone and Evan would soon be here.
He's picking me up for our 6 month anniversary date.

We got tickets for 21 pilots, a perfect loud concert is just right.
I tied my hair in a ponytail and grabbed my phone.
I saw Evan come to the front door.
"Hi." I said, smiling widely while he still made my heart skip a beat.
"Hi, you look gorgeous."

"Sadly compliments don't come through our thickheadedness." They snickered in my head.

The crowd was wild. The music drowned me. I felt the beat thumping in my chest. It felt like the music was breathing for me.
Evan wrapped his arms around me.
Every now and then he'd lean in to say something in my ear. I'd feel this bolt of desire trembling down my spine.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and looked at him lovingly.
We danced, we kissed. The concert turned to background noise for me.
I didn't care about the crowd or the songs, all I could see in this moment was Evan. Right now, all I want is him.

"That was pretty amazing." I exclaimed once we left the concert building.
"You're amazing."
I smiled and kissed him.
While he drove us home, his hand was folded in my hand resting on my lap.

"Aren't your parents home?" Evan looked at the dark empty house in front of us.
"No, they went away together, they'll be back tomorrow evening."

Somehow I knew what was going to happen.
My heart felt nervous and heavy.

"Can I come in for a bit?" Evan asked.
With slight hesitation, I answered: "sure, just for a bit."

"Always telling lies, dear Amy. Don't you ever learn."

I knew what was going to happen, still I found myself feel slightly surprised about the situation:
I was sitting on Evans lap, my hand clasped in his wavy brown hair and our lips passionately locking over and over again.

He was addictive, my thoughts were gone.
My breath was shattered and panting.
Desire overtook us both when Evan wrapped me up in his arms and took me upstairs to my bed.
Horizontally, we continued making out.
His hand was on my back, but he slowly dared to move upwards.
He hesitated, but I looked at him with a slight confirmation.
So he did. Caressing my breasts, soft moans escaped my lips. Causing him to only want me more.
I was all the same. I wanted all of him right now, pressed against me.

My legs felt numb, my head was spinning. I took my shirt off and Evan his.
We crawled under the sheets. Our pants were on the floor. All we had was underwear.
Evan pulled me close under his body.
"Amy."
"Yes?" I said, out of breath.
"I want you." His words whispered, they triggered me.
"I want you too." Badly.
"Are you ready for this? We can wait."
His sweetness and care made me assured this was right.
"Yes."
With that, Evan was my first.

My eyes opened. It felt very early in the morning. The sky was almost dark.
I dragged myself to the bathroom and onto my scale.
Lost 2 pounds.
"I told you sex was a great fat-burner."  Mia laughed.

Evan woke up too, we hugged.
However he needed to leave, so he got dressed.
I walked with him outside, wearing a long coat.
The air was chilly.
Our breaths were visible.
I stroked Evan's cheeks.  We kissed.
"I love you, Amy." His voice was soft, almost in a whisper. But the words came as loud as thunder.
No one loves me.
"Evan. I love you too."
It felt bad, I replied, but I wasn't ready.
I like him, but love is different.

He left and I turned back inside.
I looked at the sky, hoping to see the words that escaped my lips floating in the sky.
Maybe I could still catch them.
Because those are dangerous words.