Dear Ana,

Ad perpetuam memoriam

"We're all gathered here today to remember our bright and lovely Rose"

I was seated not too close to the altar but still behind Rose's family, my mom and dad sat next to me, I was in the middle. We're a pretty normal family, my mom works as an English professor at the university about half an hour drive from home. My dad he's a lawyer, pretty boring stuff, but at least my parents are together and love each other and support each other when they need it. I also have a brother, Jake, though he's off on his own adventure.

Rose's parents are in the other aisle of the small church, her mom has cried so much her eyes just can't produce water anymore and she has bags bigger than my heels under her eyes. Rose's dad however, he just sits there with no emotion, he looks like a statue. Rose's parents divorced a year ago. Rose didn't take it too hard but I always felt guilty mentioning my parents, like I was somehow flaunting it. Rose told me she felt a bit relieved, she wouldn't have to hear them argue so much anymore. Was that the reason Rose did this ?

No it can't be. I just don't get it... She must have left something, a clue or a letter, but no one has told me a dang thing about that day and I'm sick of it.

My parents know the whole story, but they don't want to tell me because it'll upset me. With the whole story I mean how she died, not why. I don't think anyone, not even Rose's family knew why.

After the funeral there's a gathering at Rose's house.
I remember Rose and I used to watch Sherlock Holmes. She had a thing for Cumberbatch but we both loved the way Sherlock Holmes solved mysteries.
Rose wanted to become a detective herself. When our neighbour's cat disappeared, Rose was very determined to find the facts.
The fact was a new fish shop down the road, yeah, the cat was pretty fat when they found him.

I smiled softly at the thought of my best friend. This was all way too weird for me, sitting at her funeral when I can't even accept the fact that she is gone.

A tear rolled over my cheek. I didn't notice. I still just couldn't wrap my head around the idea of not seeing Rose's face every day and hearing her voice, talking to her about typical girl things. Who the hell am I supposed to talk to when the universe collides and I end up having a boyfriend?

My mom put her arm around me. I guess she noticed that I was digging my nails into my hand and biting my lip with tears in my eyes.
"It's okay honey" and with those words you just suddenly let everything go.

It still all felt a little strange to me, everyone was giving me their condolences at the end of the funeral.
I felt like I had to at least look very broken and sad.
Yes, I cried, you might be able to see that, even though I deliberately didn't wear any makeup.

However, Rose's parents should be the ones to get all the condolences.
I was just a dumb girl who followed Rose around.