Dear Ana,

Ab initio

We finally walked into our own house, I've been wanting to go home ever since I found Rose's diary.
I slipped off my shoes and ran upstairs I felt my parents' eyes on my back, I bet they think I'm going upstairs to have a depressive breakdown or  something.

I just need to read her diary...

I walked into my bedroom and closed the door.
The dress I was wearing felt really tight, my heart was beating very fast.

I sat down on the floor against my bed.
I felt strange, I was invading Rose's privacy.
I'm her best friend, I want to know..
This is the last string that Rose left behind in her trail.

Rose told me this old tale once about a girl. The girl had beautiful silver shining hair, it seemed like cobwebs, it was very strong too.
The girl was going to get water from a well, but 3 children were stuck in the well.
The girl wanted to help them, but she had no rope to pull them out.
The 3 children begged for her help.
Then one of the children screamed:
"Use your hair!"
The girl let down one of her silver hairs.
She didn't want to let down more, for she was scared they might break all her hair.
The 3 children grabbed the strand and agreed the youngest had to go first.
But the youngest one was scared, his brother shoved him aside and started to climb against the wall of the well.
The two children followed their brother.
However the boy was too eager and greedy.
His greed made the hair snap and the 3 children fell to their death.

My sentimental mind made me remember all these stories Rose had told me.

I turned the pages of the diary.
On the fourth page she started writing.
"Dear Ana."
Ana?
"This diary will be my progress book.
I'll start with explaining why.
I wanted to lose weight, I started healthily, lots of greens and fruit. After two months of this..."

I remembered, Rose had these really healthy lunches. She told me she was on a diet. But she stopped after two months.

"I made no progress, it was killing me.
I worked so hard for nothing. All I wanted was to lose a little weight.
I would be prettier if I was thinner.
So I started eating less.
It helped.... I turned to Ana and she helped me.
I'm going to be thinner, I will eat less."

I turned to more pages.

"Dear Ana, only ate an apple today."

"Dear Ana, I exercised a lot, but my conditions isn't what it used to be. I don't mind though, I'm losing weight."

"Dear Ana, I lost 20 pounds in total. Not enough yet.."

"Dear Ana, I slipped up.. I binged on a lot of food.. I need Mia today."

"Dear Ana, I'm sorry.. I gained a pound."

"Dear Ana, I feel so fat, I want to be skinny, like you."

"Dear Ana, I cut myself because I ate. I think it'll help me."

"Dear Ana, my scars are really helping me."

"Dear Ana, I feel so tired and faint.."

"Dear Ana, I can't... I'm still fat."

"Dear Ana, I gained 3 pounds after I ate a sandwich with chips.... I hate myself."

I felt sick.
The pages that continued... I couldn't read them any further. The diary had a lot of blank pages at the back.

I can't even imagine what kind of things she went through...
All this time. I was oblivious.
I'm such a fucking idiot.
My hands were trembling.
I closed the diary and looked at it.
My eyes stung with tears.
"I'm so sorry Rose."
I started rocking back and forth, the diary against my chest.
"I should've helped you."

All the things from the past months came back to me.
She was very thin. She didn't eat in the lunch breaks...
I noticed, but she didn't seem starved or hurt.
She locked herself inside a lot.
She skipped gym often.
It all made sense.

I started sobbing.
"I'm so sorry. I hate myself for not noticing. Please come back Rose."

It dawned on me that I wasn't going to see her again.
I wish I could've told her that she was pretty, she was thin, that I loved her.
I lost my best friend.