Dear Ana,

Audax at Fidelis

I recognised Yumi's Japanese-anime styled backpack and ran up to her.
My cheeks grinned widely.
Yumi looked confused as I grabbed her shoulders.
"We're official!"
Yumi smiled loudly. She knew what I meant.
"Yeah! About time."
We jumped up and down. People looked at our strange commotion at 8 am. However, we didn't care and continued screaming and giggling.
Yumi asked about the details, I told her everything I could remember.
"It all happened so fast, it's all kind of foggy."
We linked arms and walked to our first class.

Every time I thought about Evan, I remembered our sweet kiss and I start smiling.
People must've thought I was some weird sociopath, grinning for no reason.
When lunchtime arrived, I walked into the lunchroom and walked towards our table.
Evan smiled sweetly. We hugged each other and talked to each other and our friends.

"Variables X en Y will be used in most of the exercises you'll find.."
Mr. Greenmantle was talking during math class.
I glanced out the window. I tried to wrap my arm around my stomach, trying to touch my back.

I can't reach my spine.
"Not yet, in time you will."
I must.

Evan gently tapped the back of my hand resting on the desk.
He looked at me with concerned eyes saying:
"Are you okay?"

I gave him a small clumsy smile.
Trying to tell him that I was just daydreaming.
I tapped his hand, trying to communicate.

Inside. I'm actually screaming. It feels like I'm trapped in this body.
This body, which I don't want. This mind, with voices telling me things that make me want to die.
Inside, I'm not okay.

But he won't see that.
He sees only my sweetness.
He only sees the candy wrapper, not the rotting calories inside.
I guess that's for the best after all.
"Don't want Prince Charming to run away from your fucked-up self."

Exactly.

After school, Yumi walked towards me and my bike.
"Hey Amy, so I thought, if you wanted to come over, maybe a sleepover this Saturday? If you're up to it."

Sleepover. I haven't done had a sleepover since Rose.

"I'd like that."
I smiled and said goodbye to Yumi.
On the bike I thought about Rose.
She wouldn't mind, would she?
Yumi is really nice. I'm sure she won't.

I found myself cycling up the same driveway again.

"That's so sweet!" Ana said, after I told them about last night.
"Now you can burn some real calories." Mia exclaimed with a wink.
I also told them about the sleepover with Yumi.
"Watch out, dear."
Ana and Mia smirked evilly.
"We won't go easy on you if you gain weight."
"I won't."
"Sleepovers always have junk food, kid." Mia stated.
"I won't eat anything."
"The best thing would be to brush your teeth early, and use that as excuse not to eat anything."
"Trust me, I won't gain any weight."

Ana and Mia looked at me like I was a mistake about to happen.
They don't trust me.
I've got to prove them wrong.
I won't gain weight anymore.

I left the house.
Cycling back to my 'home'.
The night air was icy, the footsteps of pedestrians walking by sounded crisp.
My jagged breath visible like smoke in the air.

"I'm home."
"Hi honey."
Mom welcomed me in the hallway.
"You've been coming home late more often."
"I guess, just visiting friends."
"That's nice. Have you had dinner?"
"Yes, I already ate something with my friends."

I kissed my mom's cheek and skipped up the steps to my room.
White lies won't hurt anyone.