Dear Ana,

Ad quod damnum

Every lunch break I sit with Evan and his friends, Evan and I are pretty close, we always sit right next to each other.
Whenever he looks at me, I blush.

I'm falling in love.

All that I do not know, is if he feels the same way about me.
"How can he?"
He can't.

I'm not pretty or skinny, my clothes aren't tight or girly.
I barely eat, even if I wanted to I can't. Everything I eat will make me fat. My stomach has shrunk. I feel bloated after an apple.
I've done this for 5 months now, I've come to terms with it.

"Meaning you like it."
Yes.
I like having an eating disorder.

I can't tell anyone.
That, I know.
Once you tell someone that you have something like that, they'll start seeing you as "sick".
And all they can see is your "sickness".
That is wrong. A sickness does not define a person. It's part of the person, yes. But it's a part to overlook.
And this eating disorder, it's my secret.
"And mine." She said.

Rose knew all about it. Ana and Mia know. And other girls.

Yumi tapped my shoulder.
"You okay? You're really quite."
"Yeah I'm fine. Sorry, was daydreaming."
"Ah yes, the perfect escape from reality during the daily hours of school."
I laughed.
We talked more about anime and cheesy Netflix series.

After school, I said goodbye to my friends. I unlocked my bike and grabbed my phone to put headphones in.
I saw a text message:

"Boy trouble? Diet trouble? Welcome to the club Amy dear.
We're here for you. Come over we're waiting."
An address was attached to the message, it was not far from home.

I didn't process what had just happened, I was already cycling the route my phone was showing.

I cycled past my house, towards the edge of town where a lot of big houses were. More land than houses. Eventually I cycled up a long sloping driveway.

The house was completely surrounded by trees, it seemed like its own place.
The walls were covered with ivy and weeds sprouted out of every possible piece of earth around the house.
The walls were grey, I imagined them once white. Brown leaves flooded the driveway.
I slowly stepped towards the house, up the steps onto the old rotting wooden porch.
The front door was black, the wood was splitting. The numbers 88 were barely hanging next to the door.

I wanted to knock, but when my hand touched the door, it pushed open with the slightest touch.
I walked into the house, carefully, it seemed like the house would crumble if I made too much noise.

A doorway to my left lead into an empty living room. Almost empty except a sofa covered with a bed sheet.
One chair faced the sofa.
There was a fireplace, although it was entirely black from coal.
Even inside, brown leaves covered the spaces on the floor.

"Hello Amy." A voice behind me spoke.
I turned and saw Ana, next to her an equally beautiful thin girl.

They smiled at me.
I didn't know what to say nor why I came at all. It felt safe to come.
Even though something also told me to run far away from here.
But I stayed.

Ana pointed to the chair next to me.
"Sit please."
I obeyed.
Ana and the girl who I assumed to be Mia, sat down on the sofa facing me.

They sat very elegantly, they intimidated me, but also inspired me to be more like them.
"I'm Ana and this is my sister Mia."
She pointed next to her. Mia spoke:
"Nice to meet you."
They smiled again, almost wickedly.
"We know you suffer from something. We have the same thing. You belong with us Amy. Just like Rose did."
Ana continued.
The words kept lingering:
Just like Rose.

"Consider this your second home." Mia said.
They looked at each other, sitting like perfect dolls.
They said in sync:
"Let us tell you our story first."