Thoughts.

Moments

"I got a new game for you today," my younger cousin looks up at me from the computer as I stare at him rather seriously.
"I hope it's not the one you're playing."
"Yeah," he scrunches his face and pushes his glasses up the rim of his nose, "Isn't it great?"
"No," I say monotonely, "Comanche 4 is better. Skyrim is better."
"I know Comanche 4 is better. But Skyrim? What's that?" He asks.
He's eight. Small. Blond hair. Green eyes. Looks a lot like me. People say we are siblings. He even has a similar personality: rather serious, the same devilish behavior as a child and a monotone expression that gives the impression that he's more mature than his fifteen-year-old brother.
"Hmm. We could watch the trailer. I had friends addicted to it. I know its something about slaying monsters and dragons. An adventure game really."
He shoots another bear in the head and sighs, not tearing his eyes from the screen. Then he opens another tab.
"Show it to me."
"Your computer is slow. Let's watch it from my phone."
So we do and he frowns, "You have to install it, don't you?"
"Yep. But I have a friend who can give it to us for free."
He smirks and turns to his computer again. I watch some tutorials as he does.
"Hey."
"Yeah?"
"Do you want to play another game? It's online."
"Kay."
I click open the game I used to play a few years ago. I stare at the title a few seconds longer.
"What?"
"Nothing," I murmur and leave the game to load.
"What?" He says again.
"It is opening. Wait a minute," I ignore his question and stare at the screen. Now I remember how I know about this game. I look at the little man on the screen who is robotically jumping up and down as the game loads. Flashback - sunlight, laughter, wonder - flashback - sourness, silence, cold stares - flashback - tears, words and then nothing. Absolutely nothing. My hands go numb and I get up with narrowed eyes.
"Where are you going?"
"Nowhere. Stretching my legs." I sit back down and sigh, kicking the thoughts from my head. He glances at me and back at the screen. I hug him from the back.
"It'll be a pity when you're older. You're so cute."
He doesn't say anything.
"Did you miss me?"
"Mhmm."
"A lot or a little?"
He shrugs. I laugh and mess his hair up as he scowls at me in return. He is about to say something but the game finishes loading.
"How do you play this?"
I begin playing and he watches carefully as I give him the full tutorial on how to do it. Then I let him play and walk over to the couch where I lay down a bit, lost in thought. A familiar sentence wandered into my mind as I daydreamed.
'And as every year passes, I see you here or there because I've imagined you here or there once before.'
I force a small smile and close my eyes.
I fall asleep in the next half-hour and wake up by the sound of my cousin's voice.
"Can I play my old game? I don't really like this one much."
"No one is obligating you to play. I just wanted to show it to you."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I don't really like it much anyway," I murmur and drift back to sleep as he clicks away.