Unique.

Reflection.

When I was a little girl I never dreamed I'd end up like this, a 23 year old with no life and no hope left. Will I make it to 30? No. I won't.

As I sit on my comfy hotel bed, I realise this may be the last chance I get to think about what's happened, to reflect. I had an opportunity when I was 12, but I didn't take it and I regret it, if I would have taken it my life would be all normal, I'd possibly be married and have a kid on the way but no, I picked a different path but thinking back to it, would a normal life have suited me? I had a bubbly personality, rebelled against people who said I couldn't do that and I couldn't do this and I always stood up against bullies.

I looked in the mirror and saw a girl that was meant to the more than what she made herself to be.

You don't remember much up until the age of 6-7, my first memory was having a punk push over Lola so I ran over and shoved him back, I ended up with a swollen cheek but it was worth it. I was grounded by the people that had fostered us and yelled at, but I didn't cry.

When I was 12, I was offered an acting job, something about puberty going to do me well. I turned it down, I don't know why I just didn't feel like being an actress, I wanted to make something of myself not be handed everything.

The first time I cried, I was 13. Yep, that's right, I was 13 when I first cried. My friend had cancer and she didn't make it, so obviously with her being close with me and my partner in crime, I cried and mourned her death. I think that's what sent me into turmoil, she was the one that said 'don't do that you'll get into more trouble than what it's worth' and without her there guiding me in the right direction, I went down a dark and crooked road.

Aged 15, I met Damien whilst I was laid in a field. Weird I know, but he was here with two of his friends. I was too hungover and high to give a shit.
"Hey." He said sitting next to me and handing me a cigarette. I smiled weakly at him.
"Who are you?" I slurred.
"Damien, don't worry, not here to hurt you, your friend Lilly was worried, I'm friends with her family."

Aged 16, I was a junkie. Because of Damien and his parties. I relied on him, he was like a life support. He came to rescue me when I strayed too far away from the group, looked after me if my drink was spiked and always took me back to the rented apartment or hotel room when I had too much or it was time we went back home.

Aged 17, he went away. Business he said and that's when I robbed my first bank.

After that I lost count of birthdays. I just know I'm a 23 year old fuck up.

And tomorrow, I might die.