A Court of Watchful Shadows

End of an era

{Amarantha's death}

As I looked at her cruel face hanging lifeless against the wall - courtesy of Tamlin- high lord of the spring court.

Tamlin knew of mine and Lucien's relationship from before Amarantha, but hadn't known about the secret meet ups during Amarantha. We had our reasoning, the less people that knew the better, it was how I would protect Lucien from her clutches - from facing the same fate as my mother.

As Tamlin roared absolutely enraged as he thrashed Amarantha around the throne room Lucien and I had locked eyes, I let my stare linger, linger until the moment Amarantha's last breath of air left her mouth and the life from her faded. His mask had earlier dropped, I could see his entire face, how could I not stare?

The face I'd fallen in love with

I wanted to run into his arms in that moment that it had dropped, but I couldn't risk it, not even after Amarantha's death for I didn't know what other evil could be lurking. My face remained unchanged and I faded into the shadows once again as the high lords helped revive Feyre cursebreaker whom had her neck snapped by Amarantha. They revived her for Tamlin.

I couldn't understand her infatuation with him after these past 3 months as he sat and watched her destroy herself for him without even a flinch of a changed facial expression. It wouldn't have been a matter of importance to me had I not seen her interactions with the high lord of the night court itself. With not much else in the world to care about I see more than I had before my mother's death.

I stayed lurking in the shadows of the balcony at the end of the night, unseen watching Rhys and Feyre say their goodbyes, watching his eyes widen as he winnowed away. Peculiar.

I continued to wait in the shadows of the mountain as the entirety of the courts left the cave not wanting to be bothered by the fae desperate to get home, to go back to their courts. I stayed until the last faerie had left, then went to go and retrieve my mother's corpse, to give her a proper burial. Nowhere near the one she deserves but a burial nonetheless.

With no watchful eyes nor any fae left under the mountain I let out my screams of agony, the screams I had been keeping in since after Calanmai, the mourning I'd postponed for the greater good. I scoffed at the thought of the 'greater good' I was done. Done with marching to the beat of other people's drums, done with looking out for anyone other than myself.

It was then that I decided to not see Lucien again for a short while, I needed to heal, I refuse to put any more of my loved ones in danger, especially if he turned out to be my mate. I had been hopeful of it for years. Mates are rare but I felt such a connection to him I was hoping one day the bond would snap into place, I could spend the rest of my life healing with him as my mate, bear his children and have a family. Until then I'd go to the winter court, stay with my cruel father until I was healed enough to be a light in Lucien's life.