A Court of Watchful Shadows

Not around

I see everything, hear everything, know everything. The shadows made that possible.

I see the anger Amarantha pours onto others

I see the helpless expressions on the faces of the high lords no matter how much they reassure their courts

I see the cruel high lord of the night court - Rhysand leave Amarantha's room most nights.

I see the determination on the human Feyre as she battles for her life against the middengard wyrm.

I see Lucien sneaking off to tend to her wounds after she is beat up badly by a group of Attor.

The shadows were the only place I lurked now, the events after Calanmai had completely numbed me, I had lost hope that Amarantha could be defeated.

Even if she could, I had almost nowhere to go...

~a week beforehand~

The morning after Calanmai had been nice, groggy and exhausted as I was I could still muster up a smile at my love - Lucien as we hugged and kissed our goodbyes and I became shadow briefly again to make my way under the mountain. Back to my almost prison.

As I strolled through the dark corridors something felt..

Off.

Though I kept walking only with my guard raised, you could never be too careful under the mountain. I made my way to go and report back to Amarantha some useless Calanmai 'information.' My excuse to see my lover.

I've always known to trust my gut in every situation, perhaps this bad feeling I had right now was something to do with Rhysand's attendance at Calanmai, I pray his intentions were in the interest of his own seemingly hedonistic lifestyle and not to sell any of us out.

I was slow on arriving, postponing seeing Amarantha for as long as I could as per usual. The less interaction with her the better. Though once I reached the throne room I wished I hadn't.

My mother

Amarantha

A group of Attor

Blood

So much blood

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

My entire world shattered around me, like every single happy memory had a shadow cast over it, every smile faded into nothing.

I felt it. The shift.

My warmer toned blonde hair become white as ice, my darkly tanned skin start to pale, more than it already had from being stuck under the mountain. The light in my eyes died.

Amarantha's ear splitting cackle rang throughout the room as my mothers lifeless body lay there impaled on a spear- no a spike.

"Oh sorry did you know her?" She mocked.

"I'm not sure I can remember who she was? Lady winter? No your father is from there. Lady Autumn? No she's with Beron hmm Lady day perhaps? No but we are closer-"

"Lady Dawn, mistress." One of the Attor spoke with its tongue out smiling through its wicked teeth.

"Ah yes Lady Dawn! Wait no that doesn't sound right now does it? Lady Dead suits better!" She grinned out from ear to ear.

I stared ahead, emotionless.

The group of Attor surrounding the body all break out into fits of laughter shouting about how clever their mistress is.

I hadn't yet spoken, hadn't given a reaction, I was utterly numb. I didn't have a reaction to give.

I keep my face blank, stare ahead at her into her eyes. "Why." I deadpan.

"Hmm let's see, you didn't come back from that little spring party quick enough, my whore beat you to the passing of information." She croons

I can feel a hole begin to cave it's way in my chest "I didn't realise it was a competition." I say as the hole widens, my entire chest aching.

"Well I decided it was ten minutes ago when I killed her." She said proudly, knowing I'd destroy myself with internal battles of why I couldn't arrive back ten minutes earlier. Because I was not around to stop it. I knew what the motivation behind it was, it was all a ploy to keep me under the mountain full time. She didn't like the fact that though I was on a mission for her, I'd taken my time with it, become drunk with the fresh air and the wind and all of the outside.

An outside my mother would never experience again. I needed to leave, I had to leave. Amarantha would never let me bury the body properly, she'd want it on display like the human girl Clare Beddor, a malicious trophy.

I string together the last sentence I am able to without falling apart on the spot, "will that be all then?"

Amarantha raises her eyebrows, slightly shocked I'm not giving the reaction she was aiming for.

"I suppose so." She waves a bored hand from her throne and goes back to talking about her favourite thing, herself."

I went to the banquet that evening, and drank 3 times my body weight in faerie wine as I stared at the wall in silence.

~end of flashback~

I remained shadow even at the parties Amarantha was throwing, watching Feyre whom had been stupid enough to show up here to try and save Tamlin, dance around drunk on faerie wine half the night and sit on Rhysand's lap the other half. Faerie wine has a different reaction on humans, it's too strong for them, she wouldn't have any memory of this and it looked as though he was taking advantage of that. She should have saved herself, Lucien had given me a brief explanation, when the spring court was dragged here with the rest of us, as to what had happened recently since I no longer left this mountain, a self punishment for the fact I hadn't been here when my mother was brutally murdered I suppose.

He had been good to me, Lucien. He knew what had happened before he'd seen me, as I'd predicted - Amarantha had my mother's lifeless body on display in her throne room. A sour reminder.

It wasn't his fault I was unable to smile, laugh or socialise at all anymore. I used to make the best of the Amarantha situation, staying hopeful but now, now I couldn't face it. It was as though my mother was the only thing keeping that warmth I had inside of me, the warmth that drove away the darkness burning wildly, now it was dimming. It only glowed dimly for him, his love keeping it from snuffing out completely like my father's had.