Dragon Deep

Chapter 15 - Market Day

I felt emptiness.

There was a hollow space in my heart, painfully reminding me of Bain’s words. I was lying face down on my bed, trying to escape the world.

You’re weak. The memory of him saying that replayed over and over. I could even remember the tone and the heartless gaze from his black eyes. It wasn’t like his normal insults when he called me a yapping puppy or implied that I was not human. The things he said were actually crude honesty. It was like your world cracking and falling apart at those words. Why were words so hurtful? I bit my lip down with force and I chewed the inner wall of my cheek.

I had tried so hard to prove myself. I had practiced everyday even after normal lessons, which was exhausting. I had done everything I could, but I wasn’t good enough. The sheer thought of it dug into my heart, reminding me of my failure.

You’re weak.

How could he be so heartless? How could he hurt somebody without even batting an eye? How could he not feel anything from making somebody cry?

You’re weak. My mind punished itself by repeating the two words over and over. I shut my eyes, trying to divert my attention away. Think of something else, Aria! Don’t think of that jerk.

The image of Bain reappeared in my mind, his unreadable eyes and an unfathomable face. Bain, with his black hair, sharp nose and well-defined jawline.

You’re weak.

You’re weak.

You’re weak.

My mind was acting like an enclosed room, with the two words echoing infinitely.  

The words made me feel so much better about myself.  I wasn’t even in a mood for sarcasm anymore. I screamed into the pillow, beating my fists down on the mattress in anger. Ren was staying clear from me, aware that he would most likely become a pile of fur if he approached me. Instead, he stayed away, keeping quiet.

The bruise on my stomach hurt so bad, but the pain of realization overpowered it. It was about midnight and I still wasn’t asleep. How could I anyway, after what happened earlier?

I wished Janice was here. I knew her cheerfulness would definitely light up my mood, but I had roughly pushed her aside earlier. She took that as a warning and stayed away, though I actually wanted her around.

“I wish…”

Ren’s ears pricked up, but he remained silent.

“I wish I could stick a knife into that empty chest of his. His icy ribcage with absolutely nothing inside.” I growled.

“We all wish.” Ren bounced back on the bed. He snuggled into my arms and I petted him, appreciating his kind action.

“It’s funny how he was actually being honest…”

Ren didn’t know how to reply to that, fearing of upsetting me further if he said something wrong.

“Let’s just keep working hard.”

“What’s the point? I’ll get nowhere. A little weakling.”

“Well, you can’t give up…”

I resumed stroking Ren’s soft fur. It was luxurious and smooth underneath my callused palms. I could feel his body warmth and the faint heartbeat.

I sighed again. This was going to be a long night. A long cold night.

Unfortunately, the sun had to rise, signalling a new day. Birds chirped merrily outside, oblivious to my emotions. I didn’t want to get up. I just wanted to stay here all day, wasting my life away. Hell, Faris could just take my soul right here right now and I wouldn’t even have any complaints.