La Douleur Exquise ||Yizhan||

chapter 12 : confession

In the car, Yibo texted his father informing that they are leaving. He didn't tell him about what happened. He doesn't want his dad to have a heart attack there. After he placed the phone away, he looked at Zhan again , who comfortably nestled in his embrace.

Yibo placed his hand on Zhan's messy hair , intending to rub but stopped when he heard Zhan's muffled cry, "Don't touch me. Don't hit me."

Unknown to Yibo , tears wailed up inside his eyes as he bent down to kiss Zhan's forehead. "It's me, Zhanzhan. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

Zhan probably heard Yibo and stopped struggling. As they were about to reach the Wang mansion, Yibo heard Zhan mumble again in his sleep.  Probably because he was dreaming something, "Don't steal my drink yibo..I'll tell mom.."

"Why are you so silly? Who is stealing your drink?"

Yibo looked at the time , it's past 12. Probably their mom went to sleep knowing they'll return late. Going out of the car , the driver offered to help him carry Zhan. But Yibo refused and took Zhan in a princess carry to hurry. He doesn't want Lisa to worry.

Thankfully he exercises regularly,  so carrying zhan wasn't much difficult for him. Zhan didn't feel that heavy either.

When they entered Zhan's room , yibo put him down on the bed.  Yibo was about to get into the shower when he stopped, thinking for a moment as he stared at Zhan's appearance. He bent down and shook Zhan, "Hey, zhan , are you going to sleep like this?"

No response.

"You stink a lot, you can't sleep like this. Do you want to shower?"

Zhan , who got drunk quite deeply,  whined from the bother, "Let me sleep. I want to sleep!"

"If you don't get up then.." Yibo smirked. Then continued , "I'll undress you! Then pick you up! Then we will shower together! I'll wash you up ! We'll shower together like we did when we were younger!"

Zhan finally struggled to open his when wishing to smack the person down who is constantly disturbing him. He saw the blurry silhouette and didn't recognise who it is. He heard what the other said, he voiced out in protest, " Don't bother!"

He said as he wobbly got up from the bed. Yibo supported him but he was pushed away by Zhan causing his back to hit the wall. He didn't move but raised an eyebrow as he saw what Zhan was doing.

Zhan instantly forgot that someone was bothering him. He acted like no one was here. He tore off all his clothes and then went to the bathroom, not even bothering to close the bathroom door.

Yibo stood there stunned silly. After a long time, he came back to his senses. He placed his hand on his chest and patted. This brother of his really got a good body, anyone would like him. He felt a bit proud. He basically ignored his fierce heartbeat like it was nothing. Then he went to grab a change and placed them outside the bathroom , reminding zhan to get dressed.

After Yibo saw Zhan going to sleep, his undressed himself and went into shower. After he was done, he went to the bed and went to sleep grabbing Zhan close. He whispered before going to sleep, "I'm not strong enough to protect you Zhanzhan. I'm sorry. I promised to protect you from the start. If I came a little bit late...if something happened...I was scared zhanzhan."

Then he sighed and kissed Zhan on his forehead, "Good night , zhanzhan."

One hour passed. Two hours passed. Three hours passed.

Zhan who was supposed to sleep opened his eyes. His gaze swiped the whole room and then landed on Yibo's face in the darkness. Those eyes that were filled with drunkeness disappeared slowly over time, at least , he seemed sane.

Making sure that the other party is asleep, he moved his hands and traced the lines of Yibo's face. His finger gently moved from Yibo's forehead to his jaw,  moving just like butterfly's kiss. He doesn't cry that easily but he really wanted to cry tonight.

He never knew, Yibo would be this much protective of him. He(wyb) is more mature than him. Though he behaves playfully most of the time, no one is more serious than him. He should have known. He should have listened to Yibo earlier.

It would be a lie if he says he wasn't scared back there in the bathroom. Yes , he was drunk and wasn't himself. But thinking about it now, he still gets goosebumps. If Yibo didn't come, If something really happened, he would have ended his life after coming to his senses.

Yibo thinks of him as his family. He loves him like he is his own brother while he harbours such indecent thoughts towards his saviour. Maybe no one is as ungrateful as he is.

Dew drops of tear fell on the pillow as he choked out few words in whisper, "It's not your fault. I'm sorry. I always add trouble into your life. You always have to look after me, basically a stranger. If you had a real brother , I can't imagine how happy he would have been for having a brother like you."

Zhan stayed silent for a long time. The wall clock made tik-tok-tik monotonous sounds. Zhan waited until his breath calmed down. "I don't deserve this Yibo. I don't deserve you , I don't deserve mom and dad. I can't take this anymore, it's so suffocating,,wasn't it better that way? If that day you didn't save me , you didn't choose me...I would not have become like this."

"It's so suffocating that I feel like dying would be a better option. I'm not an impulsive guy after all, or else I'd have really committed suicide even before you met me that day at the orphanage. "

Probably,  he was still drunk after all , he kept on whispering to himself without any care. Sometimes he laughed, sometimes he cried, clearly not in his right mind.

"Nobody would want a bad little brother like me. I'm so bad and pathetic. Who would have feelings for their brother? No one,  or maybe crazy people would have. I'm that crazy person. I fell for my brother, do you know?"

"You don't? Oh. No one does. I hid it well, right? I'll never let him(wyb) discover unless I die. I want him to meet a nice and pretty girl and marry her though I detest the idea. I don't want to make him dirty. Do you know that he dislikes gay people? He really does."

"I'm in trouble, a big trouble. Why did he come to save me ? He should have let me die. But I would be sad to leave mom , dad and him."

"I really like him ah. But he doesn't like me. I love him and he doesn't love me. Oh? He does , as his brother. I'm going mad. "

Another long silence. After a long time Zhan's muddled eyes looked away from the ceiling. He looked at Yibo's peaceful handsome face. He got closer and placed a kiss on Yibo's forehead, just like Yibo always does. Then said, " I'll still endure even if i die feeling suffocated. Good night, little moon."

"No matter how deeply you fall in love with the moon.
The moon, sadly , can never be yours." He whispered with a laugh.

With that he passed out right on Yibo's chest, falling deep into slumber.  But , who knew that when he wakes up , there would be a huge change in his life.