14 DAYS OF VALENTINE

Part 37:I am home in his eyes


“I know you are surprised. I know, I always have ways of surprising people,” she said, jokingly, with a light laugh. She was right. She always knew how to surprise people.
“Um, it was supposed to be a joke,” she said when she saw our serious faces.
“Duh, no one is laughing.” Lizzy replied, her tone laced with annoyance. “Just what kind of game are you on again, Silvia?”
“Relax; I am not playing any games. I meant everything I said on the stage.” She then turned to me. “Can I have a minute of your time?” she asked, her hand fidgeting as if worried I would turn her down.
If we were in some fantasy world, then I would think the real Silvia was killed by some alien, and this was just a shape shifter in her form. She was never nervous. This was so unlike her.
“No.” Nick was the one to answer her this time. “Whatever you have to say, say it here.” Silvia took a deep breath, her eyes darting around nervously. “I understand your skepticism, but please, just hear me out,” she pleaded. It was clear that whatever she had to say was important enough for her to risk her composure.
“Okay.” I mustered up the courage to respond. “Mandy-”
“It’s alright. The conversation between me and Silvia is long overdue anyway.” I assured my friends. Respecting my decision, they let me go.
Following Silvia outside, she took me to the roof top and the writer in me started thinking of scenarios of how she could have pretended to be nice only to push me off the edge. I looked around, taking in the view of the lights illuminating the city skyline. The roof was just a beautifully decorated like the rest of the venue with the night sky above us.
Silvia seemed lost in thought as she stared out into the distance, her expression a mix of sadness and determination. I couldn’t help but wonder what had gotten to her tonight.
“You hate me.” I was the one to break the silence, causing her to turn around to look at me.
“When I first heard the idea of these fourteen days of Vallentine from you, I thought you just wanted to add to your popularity. Then I saw Harry go back to school, and I knew something was wrong. Today, you gave me all the credit in front of everyone, and it made me realize that you actually cared about making a difference. But no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, I still come to the conclusion that you hate me. You don’t do anything for anyone, Silvia; you are not selfless. You are the most selfish, narcissistic, manipulative, and evil person I have come across. So why don’t you just drop the act and tell me what you truly want?”
“Wow, thanks for the praise.” She said, a look of hurt flashing across her face. I wasn’t going to fall for it.
“You are right. I am not selfless, and I did not do everything tonight for free but because I needed something from you.” A dry laugh escaped my lips at her true colors finally showing up. This was the Silvia I’ve always known.
“So what is it that you wanted, oh her highness?” I sarcastically remarked, crossing my arms.
“I want your forgiveness.” For a moment, I thought it was the wind that tampered with my hearing. It had to be the wind playing tricks on me.
Silence fell upon us as I blinked and rubbed my ears, thinking that I had heard something wrong or that she had misspoken. “Forgiveness?” I repeated, my voice laced with disbelief.
“Are you drunk?” was the only explanation for her weird behavior.
“You’ve heard me right. I want your forgiveness.” She confirmed, and I couldn’t help but stare at her, my mind blank. Different thoughts ran through my mind, and I found myself bursting out with laughter.
It seemed absurd to me that she, of all people, would be asking for forgiveness. Was this some kind of twisted joke? Or was she truly remorseful? Confusion and skepticism battled within me as I struggled to find the right words to respond.
“Yeah, I’m off.” I said, turning around to leave.
“I am sorry for what I did to you three years ago.” Silvia whispered, her voice barely audible, but the wind carried them to my ears. I stopped in my tracks. She was serious. This was no joke, nor was she trying to pull the other tricks.
“Why?” was the only thing that I could ask. Why now? Why, three years later? What was she really after?
“Because…” she exhaled making her way towards me. “Because I hurt you, a lot.” she stopped when she was in front of me. Hearing an apology that I had been waiting for all my life now did not make feel good, or bring me any closure. Instead, it only intensified the pain and reopened old wounds.
“And you just realized that, now?” I scoffed, moving away from her. “You are apologizing three years later because you realized that you hurt me?” I could not believe the nerve of this woman to come back into my life after all this time, expecting forgiveness with a simple apology.
The anger that had simmered beneath the surface for years suddenly erupted, and I couldn’t hold back my frustration any longer. “You think an apology now will erase all the pain you caused?” I shouted, my voice filled with bitterness.
“You denounce me in front of everyone. You publicly humiliated me and tarnished my reputation. You took pleasure in seeing me in ruins. My honor was shattered because of you. I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to end it all. I wanted to just close my eyes and not wake up, and here you are asking for forgiveness and expecting me to tell you it’s alright because you used my idea and got my script into a big production. Well, let me tell you, it’s not alright. It’s not enough to simply apologize now and expect everything to be magically fixed.” I was heaving, and the cool did nothing to calm the fire raging inside me.
“The damage you caused runs deep, and it will take much more than words to repair the pain you inflicted upon me.”
“I know what I did was horrible. Don’t you think I know that?” Silvia snapped, tears streaming down her face.
“I know I am a monster. I know what I have done is not right at all. I crossed all the lines, and I deserve your anger, your hatred, and your resentment. I haven’t had decent sleep since then. I thought I was getting back at you for coming to the university and trying to match up with me, so I never thought straight, and when it was done, I understood and felt the weight of my action.” Silvia continued, her voice trembling with remorse.
“I saw you broken, and believe it or not, it also broke me. I wanted to apologize and retract my actions, but I couldn’t. I was naive to believe that by acting cruel toward you, the agony I had caused would stop, as I couldn’t bear what I had done to you.” As tears streamed down her cheeks, she gave a dry, cruel laugh.
“I, more than anyone, know that it won’t be easy for you to let it go.”
“And you’re damn right. This isn’t something that will just go away.” I said firmly, my voice filled with anger and hurt.
“And I understand. But I won’t stop until I earn your forgiveness. I have been spoiled and proud all my entire life, and this is not an excuse. Today was the first step. I want you to know that I know I hurt you, and it was not right for me. I want you to know that I understand you won’t forgive me easily, but I also want you to know that I regret—I have been regretting ever since—and I have just lived in torment this past year, not that it’s anything close to the hell I have put on you.”
“Just stop talking, please.” I pleaded, my voice trembling. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t bear to hear any more of her apologies. The pain and guilt he had inflicted on me were too overwhelming, and I needed everything to be quiet.
“I understand that-”
“You understand nothing!” I snapped, cutting her off mid-sentence. Her words only added salt to the already-open wounds.
“You…Silvia, can only imagine, but don’t you dare say that you understand anything!” I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself, feeling the weight of my emotions crushing me.
“I am no saint to let bygones be bygones and pretend like everything is okay. I won’t forgive you just to bring you peace.” I continued, my voice trembling with anger and hurt.
“You think because you lived with guilt for so long, you can suddenly absolve yourself of all responsibility? No! You can only imagine and not truly comprehend the pain and suffering you have caused. Your words cannot undo the damage you’ve done, nor can they erase the scars that will forever remain.”
“I am sorry,” she said in a whisper, her head bowed and tears streaming down her face. “I understand that my apology can never fully make up for the pain I’ve caused you. But please know that I am genuinely remorseful and willing to do whatever it takes to make amends.” She then sniffed, taking out her kerchief and wiping away tears.
“Today is supposed to be a happy occasion. I am sorry if I ruined it for you. Just know that I am deeply sorry.” She then paused, her voice trembling with emotion. “I hope that, in time, you can find it in your heart to forgive me.” With a heavy sigh, she looked up, meeting their eyes with sincerity. “Please read this.” She handed them a letter, her hands shaking slightly.
Without uttering another word, she walked away from me, her shoulders slumped and her steps heavy with remorse.
“How…how did you get my script?” I asked before she could make an exit. I have been curious about if since her announcement.
“I just happened to come across it,” she replied, a sad smile on her face before living.
As she disappeared into the dark of the night, I stood there, holding the letter in my hands, unsure if I wanted to know the contents of it.
The night was full of surprises and unexpected twists and turns. Everything just happened and left me confused and lost. My thoughts were everywhere, and my feelings ruffled to the point that I started to see hazy colors in front of me.
“Hey.” I was pulled out of my daze by a familiar voice.
It was Nick walking towards me, and before I could utter a word, he pulled me into his embrace. Just what I needed to feel grounded and safe in that moment. The warmth of his hug brought me a sense of comfort, grounding me in the midst of my swirling emotions.
“You heard everything.” It was not a question, but rather a statement. I somehow knew that he wasn’t going to let me face Silvia alone.
“Mmmh,” was his answer, and I melted in his arms as he tightened his hold around me.
“I don’t know what to do.” I mummered. His grip on me only grew stronger, as if to convey that he was there for me no matter what. I could feel his steady heartbeat against my chest.
“It was easier to hate her knowing that she was an evil bitch, but now that she apologized and I saw the remorse on her face, I don’t know how to feel anymore. It’s confusing to see her in a different light, but I also don’t want to let go of the anger and pain she caused.” I buried my face in his chest, not knowing what to do.
“Why do you want to hold on to the anger and pain?” he asked after a while, and I raised my eyes to meet his gaze. “I guess it’s because holding onto the anger and pain feels like a way to protect myself, even though it’s hurting me in the process.” I answered honestly.
Anger and pain have been part of me for years, and letting go now felt like I was letting go of a part of my identity.
“Then you don’t have to forgive her now.” Nick spoke gently.
“As it is, her apology has been long overdue, so it is normal to feel conflicted. Forgiveness is a personal journey, and it doesn’t mean you have to forget or ignore the pain you’ve experienced. Just take it one step at a time, and forgive when you are ready to let go.” His words were something I needed to hear.
When Silvia apologized to me and saw the guilt on her face, I felt pressured to forgive her. I felt like a villain for holding on to my anger and resentment. But I needed to not rush my feelings and go with the flow.
“You are right. It will take time, but I will eventually reach there.” I managed to muster a genuine smile while looking at him. “You sure didn’t take a course in psychology? Coz you do feel like one.” He chuckled softly, shaking his head.
“No, no psychology courses for me. Just years of learning from my own mistakes and experiences,” he replied, kissing me on the forehead. “Well, you are good at it.” I mummered, closing my eyes while enjoying the feel of his lips on my forehead.
“Do you think you will ever forgive her?” I asked. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion before realization dawned on him.
“I honestly don’t know. I think of her, and I think nothing. Maybe I have already let her go.” We were somehow similar. Getting hurt by our exes.
“You always know what to say to me. I am glad my friends dragged me out that day.” I said, changing the subject, and he chuckled again, his hand gently caressing my cheek.
“You mean, when you looked like a lost puppy in the bar?” He teased me, igniting a heartfelt chuckle from me.
“Puppies are cute.” I pouted. He laughed, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “Yes, they are. Just like you. Especially when you fell down in the park. Tell me, Kitty, were you blinded by my handsomeness that you lost your footing and fell for me?” I blushed and grimaced, remembering that incident.
“Oh, please, don’t flatter yourself too much. I tripped over my own two feet. Thank you very much.” I tried pulling myself away from him, but he grinned boyishly, pulling me closer.
“Well, lucky for me then. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have had the chance to hold you close.” I rolled my eyes playfully, unable to resist his charm. “Smooth talker, aren’t you? Do you mean to say you fell for me first?.” He chuckled and shrugged.
“Maybe I did; maybe I didn’t. But one thing’s for sure: I fell harder for you.” His words made my heart skip a beat, and my smile grew wider as I wound my arms around his neck.
“I am curious. What part of me did you fall for first?” I asked as we unconsciously started swaying to the rhythm of the music playing in the background.
“Mmmh, it’s hard to tell. I guess it was the way you looked at me for the first time through the window. The way your eyes sparkled with curiosity drew me in instantly. And as we talked, I couldn’t help but be captivated by how you got flustered easily when I teased you. It was endearing, and not to forget your wit.”
“I know I am irresistible.” I nodded my head seriously, making him throw his head back and laugh. “Tell me then. How do you want this gentleman to court you, my dearest irresistible one?” I asked playfully, raising an eyebrow. He leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a whisper.
“Are you in for the 80′s retro vibe? Because I can serenade you with cheesy love songs and take you on roller skating dates. Or are you up for the 50s? We could go to a classic diner and share a milkshake while listening to oldies music.” I couldn’t help but giggle at his playful suggestion.
“Or perhaps we could explore the roaring 20′s, with its jazz clubs and glamorous parties. We could dress up as flappers and dance the night away.” He winked, and I threw my head back in laughter. I loved the moment we were sharing. I loved how my negative emotions were turned into happiness and excitement.
“Easy boy, unless you have a time machine that don’t know of?” I teased, raising an eyebrow. He chuckled as he held my hand, pulling me toward him, and said, “Who needs a time machine when we can create our own magical moments right here?” He twirled me around in a playful dance move.
The music from the ceremony drifted through the air, adding to the ambiance as we laughed and spun, losing ourselves in the joy of the present moment.
“Maybe we can skip the formalities and jump straight into creating beautiful memories together?” I suggested, my back now be against his chest. Courting was fun, but that could also be done in a relationship, no?
With his arms around me, he replied, “I like that idea.” He then leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Does this mean you are mine now?” Like a puppet and him a masterful puppeteer, the strings of my heart danced to his every word.
His breath, his touch on my skin, his smell—all of it reminded me that I was his completely. “I,” I started, only to gasp out loud when I felt his lips brushing the nape of my neck.
“Mmh,” he probed his warm breath deeper into my ear. I shuddered when he sucked lightly on my earlobe. I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch, as a wave of pleasure coursed through my body. I opened my mouth to speak, but only let out a soft moan, unable to form coherent words.
“How was I to answer him when he was making me lose all sense of rational thought? Every touch, every whisper, every sensation he elicited from me was a testament to his power over me.
" I-” My words were cut short by the people downstairs who started the countdown. The interruption broke the spell, and I made my way towards the edge of the building.
“5,4,3,2,1!”
As the clock struck midnight, beautiful fireworks exploded in the night sky, illuminating our surroundings with bursts of color. The vibrant display mirrored the explosion of emotions within me. Excitement and joy.
“Happy Valentines,” The crowd cheered along with the sound of fireworks.
I was thrilled and giddy upon seeing such a grand display of fireworks. It felt like the perfect start to a new chapter in our lives. Nick held my hand tightly, and I turned to find him staring at me. I love how his eyes are always on me, and I pray it stays that way in the long run.
“I appreciate this … beautiful,”
“I am Nick,”
‘Nice to meet you, beautiful.’
I prefer beautiful, it suits you.”
“I love wild cats,”
“Why? You want me to be your boyfriend?”
I blushed when I recalled how he liked teasing me. It was clear that he enjoyed making me flustered, since we never have a normal conversation without flirting and teasing.
I smiled at him, feeling a flutter of excitement in my chest as I raised the heel of my foot and wound my arms around his neck. The sparks from the fireworks seemed to dance in his eyes, reflecting the same intensity of emotions that I felt. Leaning in, I pressed my lips against his, giving him my unspoken answer to his question.
The taste of his lips was like a sweet melody, igniting a fire within me. In that moment, I knew that this connection we shared was something special, and I couldn’t wait to see where it would lead us. Out of breath when we parted, I breathed a yes to him.
Dear diary,
I am pretty sure that I am the happiest woman alive. I was always told that in every dark tunnel, there is always a light at the end, but I thought it was just another word of encouragement.
I was lost in the cycle of darkness for a very long time. I tried to force myself to heal, and when it did not work out, I believed that I could exist in the darkness. That if I tried harder and squinted my eyes, then I would get accustomed to the shadows and find some sort of comfort in them.
But I was wrong. No one needs to get used to the pain and suffering. Pain’s a part of life, and the only way to deal with it is to sit with it. Allow yourself to feel the pain and acknowledge its presence, but remember that it doesn’t define you.
Eventually, I realized that true healing comes from embracing the light and allowing it to guide me out of the darkness. It was a difficult journey, but now I understand that happiness is not about avoiding pain, but rather about finding strength within ourselves to overcome it.
The wind swept through the pages of my journal as we drove down the highway. The road was vast, extending out before me as a metaphor for life’s infinite possibilities.
“Did you read the letter?” I looked up from my journal to see my beau in sunglasses, his eyes reflecting the sunlight.
His strong hand rested on the steering wheel, and his grip was firm and steady. I nodded at his quest while I tapped the pen in my journal.
“I read it,” I said. He was talking about the letter Silvia left me. “It was from Harry.” At first, I thought that it was from Silvia asking for forgiveness again. I wanted to burn it, but my curiosity got the better of me.
“He wanted my forgiveness.” I continued, my gaze looking at the breathtaking scenery passing outside the car window. According to his letter, he had wanted to apologize for a while now, but with the restraining order against him, he couldn’t reach out to me directly.
After it was over, Harry wanted to apologize in person but saw that his presence still upset me, so he opted for the safer route of writing a letter.
“At least he tried,” Nick commented. “How are you feeling today, love?” Nick asked, holding my hand into his and bringing it to his lips for a gentle kiss. I smiled and blushed at his affectionate gesture.
“Honestly, I’m feeling better,” I replied, meaning every word. “I don’t know if it was because she asked for my forgiveness, but I have been thinking of Silvia a lot today. Not her bitchy attitude, but the times we spent together and had genuine fun.” It was strange how the memories that kept coming were not of when she wronged but rather of the moments when we actually laughed and enjoyed each other’s company.
“It’s natural to reminisce about the good times,” he said, now kissing the palm of my hand. I giggled at how ticklish it felt. I tried tugging my hand away, but he wasn’t having any of it. He held onto my hand firmly, looking into my eyes with a warm smile.
“Let’s forget about everything today,” he suggested, his eyes meeting mine.
“We will, if we don’t run into an accident, focus on the road.” I playfully freed my hand from his, teasingly.
“It will be your fault, you know. You are just so damn, fuckin beautiful!” He declared, and instead of grimacing at the swearing word, I just melted into his charm, falling more in love with him. His words were like music to my ears, my medicine, and my heart’s remedy.
We were going on that road trip he promised me once, and I was so looking forward to it.
“Beautiful,” he called me after a while of silence, and I raised my eyes to look at him. The man who stole my heart.
“Happy Valentine ’s Day, my love,” he whispered.
And now, I have found my light in him.”
Happy Valentine’s Day.