14 DAYS OF VALENTINE

Part 29: Like a bottle of wine...

Song recommendation: August by Taylor swift

'What are we?'

Finally, the question I have been dreading to ask and the one that I have been swiping at the back of my mind resurfaced with vengeance, demanding an answer as I stared at the ink engraved in my diary, which was written by me. As much as I tried to let it go, my hands subconsciously reached for the pen, and the words spilled onto the page.

I wanted to pen down what had taken place the other night, which I did, but ended up with this question. It was a question that lingered in the air between us, unspoken yet palpable.

I wanted to write about what took place the other night, which I did, but ended up with that question. The memories of our time together flood my mind: the smiles, the teasing, the movie, then the gazes, the kiss, the touch, the caresses, the sighs, groans, and moans. It was a whirlwind of emotions and sensations that I couldn't quite capture with mere words.

I used my hand to fan my flushed face, trying to cool down the rush of emotions that surged through me. I could still feel in my skin the lingering warmth of our bodies intertwining. He had promised not to cross the line, and he did not. But that did not mean he failed to make me reach such heights of passion. Every touch, every whisper, and every stolen glance had ignited a fire within me that I never knew existed.

But, coming down from the high horse, the question still hung in the air, begging for an answer that seemed just out of reach. What would become of us now? There was no way I would be satisfied with us being just flings or, worse, friends with benefits. I wanted something more—a deeper connection that went beyond the physical. And that desire scared me to the core, and maybe this was the reason why I could not clarify our relationship.

He did not, either. Ever since the attraction and spark grew between us, he never made an effort to try and define us. Which made me wonder: would he be willing to take a leap of faith and explore a meaningful relationship, or would we remain stuck in this limbo of passion without commitment?

This was another reason why I snuck out of his house while he was still asleep. When I woke up, it felt like I was tucked in heaven, with warm clouds as my pillows and blanket. It felt nice to wake up in his arms, and I could not help but yearn to have this feeling every morning. However, the thought of confronting the complexities of our budding relationship made me anxious. I feared that the intensity of my emotions would overwhelm both of us, potentially jeopardizing what we had just begun to build. And that is why I left his place silently without waking him up.

So, maybe yes, I am a coward, but could you blame me?

But feigning ignorance for a long time has never been a solution. We couldn't just kiss, flirt, and make out, only to pretend like nothing happened the next time we met. We needed to address the elephant in the room and have an honest conversation about our feelings and where we saw this relationship going, or else it would be as if we were floating in this undefined space, where emotions and connection intertwine but without a clear destination.

'What are we?' I gazed at those words again and finally made up my mind. It was time to be clear and face whatever the outcome would be head-on.

I walked gingerly towards his house, my heart hammering against my chest with each step. It felt like I was going to confess to a murder, which made me question if I should proceed or just let it go.

No!

My inner self urged me to be brave and confront this head-on. I have been a coward for three years, not being able to trust my own judgments and feelings. I shut down every male that has ever approached me because of my insecurities, and this was me crawling out of my shell and finally taking a stand.