14 DAYS OF VALENTINE

Part 33: Of a longing heart

12th Feb.

I starred at the calendar that was well graphed, glaring at me as if it had something to say. Showing me how time seemed to be slipping away faster than I could keep up. It looked like yesterday when my two friends were gushing about Valentine's Day, and I was sulking about it as always.

My eyes trailed at the phone on my hand at the thought of my friends, and a prick stabbed my heart, remembering our last encounter. I was mean to them, and it was not excusable. The guilt weighed heavily on me as I realized how much I had hurt them with my words.

It was a bad habit I had. Whenever I was mad, angry, or hurt, I would lash out at the people closest to me. It was a defense mechanism, a way to protect myself from getting hurt even more. And my words shoot to kill when I am mad.

I knew I needed to make amends and show them how sorry I truly was, but I hesitated, afraid of their reaction.

Would they forgive me? Or did they have enough of it?

I couldn't bear the thought of losing their trust and love, but I also knew that I had to take responsibility for my actions. It was time to gather the courage to apologize sincerely and work towards rebuilding the relationships I had damaged.

ME: 'I am sorry'

I typed, my fingers trembling with each keystroke. I knew that a simple apology wouldn't be enough to mend the hurt I had caused, but it was a start. I pressed send, hoping that they would reply and give me a chance.

I tapped my legs on the floor while biting my nails, waiting anxiously for a response. The seconds and minutes felt like hours as I nervously anticipated their reply, unsure of what their reaction would be. Would they accept my apology? Or had I crossed a line that could never be repaired? Only time could tell.

Seeing no reaction in the group chat, I hovered my fingers on the keyboard and typed again.

ME:I understand that my actions were hurtful, and I deeply regret them. There is no excuse for what I said and reacted; I just want to let you know how deeply sorry I am. I am sorry, Lizzy, for being harsh with my words, and I am sorry, Carrie, for making you feel disrespected. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me and give me a chance to make things right.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw Carrie typing back. I held my breath in excitement, and anxiousness bubbled in me as I waited for her response. I knew that repairing the damage would take time and effort, but I was willing to do whatever it took to mend our relationships.

Carrie: I am dating Dave.

"..."

Okay....that was totally not what I was expecting, but...

Lizzy: WHAAAAAAAT!!!!!

Lizzy's reaction mirrored mine exactly. I couldn't believe what I was reading. My mind raced, trying to process the news.

ME: Are you serious? How did this happen?

I mean, how long have we not been in touch?

Carrie: The same day, you two decided to haul insults at each other and me before abandoning me in the house, all alone and hurt.

And there it was. For a moment, I had forgotten that I was apologizing. Such is the power of gossip. But I was glad she brought us back to the important topic. That was just Carrie for you. While I hated confrontation, she thrived on it, never afraid to speak her mind and hold others accountable for their actions.

She had the right to be mad, but I didn't know what to say but sorry. Another message from her popped just when I was contemplating on what to say next.