To Baldur's Gate

Chapter Thirty-Four

We returned to camp and met the others there. Karlach held out her arms to me and I practically fell into her embrace, almost crying when Shadowheart joined our hug. After all that had changed so quickly, I was glad that my friendships would remain the same. I could only pray that my family would be as empathetic as my friends were. 

Gale walked over and inspected the bloody scar on my arm - Cazador's markings, carved into my skin. I saw Astarion in the corner of my vision look down at the ground and shuffle away from the group of us, going to his tent. I decided to let him be for a while. After all, my life wasn't the only one that had been permanently altered today, and as much as I wanted to curl up in Astarion's arms, some space might be good for us. 

I crabbed the crate of blood bottles and brought them to my tent, trying not to notice the odd looks from the rest of the group. When finished, I grabbed my charcoal and some parchment and went back to the center of our little camp. It was late in the afternoon and the air was growing chilly, so Wyll started a cozy fire for the few of us to sit around. Shadowheart and Karlach sat on the log next to mine, and occasionally Karlach would press a kiss to Shadowheart's temple. Lae'zel and Wyll sat on the same log as well, their thighs bumping into each other playfully. Wanting to ease my anxieties, I drew my friends as they talked and laughed around the campfire with each other. Gale sat next to me and peered over my shoulder at my sketches every once in a while. Astarion stayed in his tent and with every hour that passed I grew concerned. Was he avoiding me? Was my sudden change, along with his new life, too much for him to bare? 

The evening crawled by. No one was willing to talk about what would happen to our little group when the morning came, but I knew in my heart that we would all remain close. With so many of us tied to Baldur's Gate, there was a great possibility that we would be running into each other at shops or public events. When Gale broke out some wine, and I had a bottle of my own human brew, Karlach regaled us with tales of the Hells and how she tricked Zariel, gaining Karlach her freedom. Wyll told us of his father, the Grand Duke Ravengard of the Sword Coast, and how a deal with a devil changed his entire life. 

"I'm surprised Mizora hasn't come to claim me," Wyll pondered aloud. 

"I'll kill the wretch before she touches you," Lae'zel promised. Wyll grabbed her hand, eyes shining. 

Into the early hours of morning, we all sat and chatted by the roaring fire, drinking wine and laughing with each other. Eventually, friends began to yawn and slip off to their tents to get some sleep. I went to my tent to drop off my drawing utensils, then crept to Astarion's tent to check on him. 

"Oh, gods, Astarion?" 

He was curled up in a fetal position, still covered in Cazador's blood, shaking on the ground. His usually pale skin was even whiter. I rushed over to him, feeling his forehead for a fever, then wondered if a vampire could even get a fever. 

"Hold on, love, I'll be right back," I whispered to him, then ran to grab another bottle of blood from the crate in my tent. Running back and kneeling next to Astarion, I held to bottle to his lips and forced him to drink some down. The red stained his mouth and he continued to shake, but some of the color returned to his face. I lay down next to him, gripping his icy hands in mine and putting them to my chest to warm them, not caring that they were caked in dried blood. 

"I'm s-sorry, Tav." Astarion apologized through chattering teeth. "I don't know what's h-happening." 

I shuffled closer to him and wrapped him in my arms, holding him close to me, offering my warmth. It was freezing in his tent, and he had been in here for hours, by himself. The guilt gnawed at me, knowing that I should have checked on him when the though first crossed my mind. 

After a few moments like this, I felt Astarion's shoulders shake with silent sobs. 

"What do I do know?" He whispered. 

"We'll start over. You and me. I'll sell my paintings and you can go back into politics, and we'll live happily in Baldur's Gate," I answered, hoping that my words would ease his pain. "I'm not leaving you, Astarion. I love you." 

"I don't deserve your love," he said, weeping as he tried to untangle himself from my embrace. I let him go but sat up and used my magic to light some candles to brighten the space around us. I could fully see the dark circles under his eyes and the tears falling down his face and my heart broke for him. 

"You do! You deserve so much more than you believe," I argued. Standing up, I searched his tent for a rag and then summoned a bit of water to wet it. I began to wipe away at the blood on his skin. 

"You didn't see all those people, Tav. All those poor souls that I had lured to Cazador," Astarion explained. "I've ruined their lives - thousands of lives - they've lost everything, because of me. Because of how scared I was of him." 

"You did what you felt you had to," I soothed, wiping away a stray tear from his cheek. "I will never blame you for that. No matter what you've done, no matter what you say, I will remain by your side." I leaned forward and kissed him, just once. "You're stuck with me, Astarion." 

He nodded. "I'm so tired, love." 

Once finished ridding him of dried blood, I threw the rag aside and led him to the cot nearby. He sank into the bed, sighing with relief. I tucked him in, pulling the blankets up to his chin just as I had for my sisters on many occasions. As I stepped away from the bed, Astarion's arm shot out and grabbed me, holding me still. 

"Stay with me." 

The desperation in his voice had me crawling in beside him and shuffling myself under the covers as well. Astarion held me against his chest with his arms circling my abdomen, holding on for dear life. I was just glad to be close to him, to be able to offer my warmth and presence. 

"Can you leave the light on?" He asked, voice already drifting off to sleep. 

"Of course," I answered. 

With the candles still burning, I closed my eyes and fell asleep to the sound of his soft breathing, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day for both of us.