Tanner and Esme

Chapter 29 (Esme): The Right Brother

It was ridiculous, really, to think of going out on a date with Tanner. I'd divorced him, had done quite a bit of moving on, but he just wasn't letting me ignore him. At first, for many months, I had to see him because he was the father of my children, and I was determined to make that amicable for their sakes. But as time went by, I began to see him. The first changes I noticed were subtle, just a vague something that was different about him, but then the changes became more obvious.

It was hard to pinpoint exactly what those subtle changes were, but there was something within him that had shifted. He had an openness with me that hadn't been there before, a certain vulnerability that hadn't existed. Those years when we were married, when I sensed him holding something back, were over. He made sure to take Jude and Liora more than he was required to so I could have more free time to study and attend classes without worrying about how much time they were with someone else. That the someone else was their father helped because it was a positive bonding experience for Tanner and the children.

He'd made sure I could pursue my dream and was more than supportive of it. He didn't push me for anything except to let him help in any way he could. He took care of my apartment, my laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, making meals so I didn't have to -- everything. Essentially, he was acting as my housekeeper, which allowed me to spend more time with the children, something he knew had held me back from pursuing my degree. I only had to attend classes, study and play with the children -- and date -- and he took care of the rest. It was both thoughtful and sensitive of him and all done without any intimation that I owed him in any way, without any expectations of getting something out of it except showing me his desire to help me achieve a dream of mine.

Had he been the Tanner I was married to, I wouldn't be going on a date with him. But I'd been watching him closely, and he'd worked on righting what had been wrong with him. I hadn't told him, but when he'd come to me explaining he'd been in therapy and was waiting to make his move once he became perfect for me, that had spoken volumes. Without realizing it, he'd already been showing me that with his helpfulness and support, but he hadn't seen his actions as part of his goal. He could have been the typical divorced husband and taken Liora and Jude only when required, but he'd not only taken them more than our custody arrangement specified, he'd also bent over backwards taking care of me.

Since I was ready early, I called Big Daddy to check in. He'd been unusually busy lately, a strange, strained look on his face whenever we saw him, but he still stopped by a couple of times a week.

"Do you think this is crazy?" I asked him without any lead up. He knew about the date tonight.

"I'm the last one to be calling anything crazy," he said. "I think it might be crazy if he hadn't changed, but you said he has."

"Definitely," I confirmed.

"Then what's your problem?" Big was always so blunt.

"I think it's just the reality of it on paper. My husband cheated on me with a woman he thought he loved. Wanted. Take your pick. Maybe both. We got divorced even though he didn't want to. He got therapy, worked on himself and made some serious changes. And now, after all this time, we're going on a date."

"You worried he still wants that bitch or something?"

I thought about the confrontation I'd overheard between Tanner, Trent and Mindy. Then I thought about how he shut down Mindy in the parking lot at the pizza place. "No, actually, I'm not. It sounds funny, I know, but I'm not worried about her at all."

"So you don't want him anymore?"

I thought of the almost-kiss against his refrigerator. I thought of the way I'd felt when he'd whispered in my ear while describing the date he wanted to take me on.