Tanner and Esme

Chapter 15 (Tanner): It Hammered At Me

"You busy tonight?" Trent asked me. "I'm having some friends over. You know a lot of them."

"I don't know," I hesitated. "Ez isn't feeling great. She's coming down with a cold."

"So put Jude to bed, then put her to bed and come over for a couple of hours."

Trent had been hammering at me lately about my marriage, how I didn't really go out anymore and how it was OK to take some time for myself. I swear I hadn't heard anything but that same drum beat for the last year.

"At least ask her," he said. "An old friend is going to be here and is really hoping to see you. You haven't seen them in years."

"We'll see."

"Don't you want to do something, just once, besides hang out with your wife and child and work? You're the only man I know who doesn't take any time away from his family. Holy shit, Tan, you never go out, you never see your friends and you're all business at work. We used to go out all the time, and now I never see you unless it's at mom and dad's for dinner or the holidays."

"It's not that easy, Trent. Your priorities change when you get married and have a child. I already work a lot, so my time with them is limited."

"So you come over at nine while they're both in bed, hang out for a couple of hours, then you're home by midnight."

"So who's the friend I haven't seen in years? Jones? MacNeil?"

"Mindy," he said. And that one word stopped everything. Mindy. I'd wondered how she was doing from time to time, and then tried not to think of her. But Trent would bring her up, more and more in the last year, reminding me of the dreams I'd lost. Asking how I felt about my life, my choices, do-overs.

I saw Esme pause by the door, her nose red from her cold.

"I'll see you later," I said to my brother, then ended the call. It couldn't hurt to see Mindy just this once. With so much time that had passed, it'd be like seeing any other old friend.

Nothing more.

I'd thought I'd been a man when I turned twenty-one. When I'd married Esme, I'd felt even more like a man. Granted, my parents were supporting us until I finished school, but I'd done the responsible thing. I'd stepped up and married Ez and watched out for her and our baby developing inside her.

We hadn't known each other, really. All I knew of her was that she was sweet, smart and down to earth. She was someone who should be in school -- she was that smart and curious and analytical. As part of our divorce settlement, I made full tuition and all the other costs of going to school part of what I gave to her, over and above alimony and child support.

I wanted her to go back and finish her software engineering degree, and I told her, with our lawyers present since that was the only way she'd talk to me now, that I wanted to help with the children beyond what our custody agreement stipulated by watching them in the evenings after work so she could study and, if necessary, take some night classes.

"Your mother already offered to help during the days," she said. "But, honestly, I'm still struggling with leaving Jude and Liora so much for the next two-and-a-half years."

"I can understand you feeling like that, but you're not really leaving them, Esme. They'll be with Mom and me when they're not with you. Jude'll be in school full-time soon, and Liora won't even be four when you finish."

"I know. I know all that."

"Ez, this is the last I'll say about it, I promise. I know you always wanted to go back, but I never pushed you to because you said wanted to be a full-time mother until Jude went to school. That's admirable as hell, but maybe it's time to do this for you. I'll help you. Mom'll help you."