Tanner and Esme

Chapter 24 (Tanner): A Bad Word

Gutted didn't begin to describe how I felt when I read Esme's text saying she hadn't planned on coming home that night. I fell into a restless sleep on the couch watching TV, trying to forget that Esme was out with a man and spending the night with him. Images plagued my brain, images I didn't want, images that hurt. Welcome to Esme's life, motherfucker.

Every time I woke up, I would check the time on my phone and see only ten or so minutes had passed. Then I'd think about what my wife was probably doing and get all rattled again for an hour, until, exhausted, I'd sleep for another ten minutes.

OK, so she wasn't my wife, but I would always think of her as my wife. Then the little demon on my shoulder would poke me and say why didn't you think of her when it mattered, dumbass? And the angel on my other shoulder would fucking shrug and say piously, hate to say it, but I gotta agree with him.

And they were right.

But at around four a.m., I didn't have time to think about Esme because Jude threw up all over his bed and himself and started crying. After I calmed him down (after first stripping him out of his PJs), I gave him a quick bath, happy to note he didn't have a fever. I dressed him in a new set of pajamas and put him in his other bed.

Then, with Jude temporarily settled, I stripped his old bedding off and started a load of wash. I came back to Jude with a big bowl Ez kept for just this reason.

"My tummy feels wobbly, Daddy," he sniffled to me.

"I bet it does, buddy. You want me to rub your tummy?"

He nodded, the saddest little guy ever. I lightly rubbed slow little circles on his tummy until his eyes drifted shut. Switching the sheets to the dryer, I started another load for his bedspread and went back to check on Jude.

He sat up when I walked in the room, gave a pathetic little whimper, and I got the bowl under him just in time. I rubbed his back and held the bowl until he was done. Then I ran off to the bathroom to take care of things and came back with a washcloth to wipe Jude's face.

That happened a few more times until about seven, when he drifted off to sleep. In between bouts, I made his other bed with the fresh clean sheets and put on the clean bed spread. At that point, Liora woke up, so I fed her and got her dressed and we played with some of her toys on the floor and read a few board books. Around eight, I heard a scraping at the lock and ran for the door.

"Hey, Ez," I said swinging it open and holding my hand out in a stop motion, "don't come in. Let me tell you what's been going on. Jude's got the stomach flu. I know you always come down with this if they have it, and I also know you have two finals on Monday and Tuesday that you can't miss. So, I was thinking you might want to go stay at my place or my parents' and I'll stay here with the children. That way, you can have all day to study and then get through your exams."

Her face looked torn, so I pressed on. 

"Look, we both handle the children being sick if it's our turn with them. I've already been exposed, so why risk your health, Ez? Especially when you have two finals back-to-back."

"Are you sure, Tanner?" The mother guilt was strong with Esme, and I felt for her.

"I'm more than sure," I promised. "He's asleep for now, Li's up and we were playing and reading, so we're good. You OK on clothes?"

"Yeah, I brought a change with me in my overnight bag, so I can just do laundry once and I'll be fine."

At the reminder of her night, I definitely felt sick, but it wasn't because of a bug.

"I'll let you know how he does today. Usually, it's a seventy-two hour window before they aren't contagious, so why don't we see how things are after your Tuesday exam?"