Finding The Light

49

Warnings:
-Substance abuse (drugs) + obsessive sexual behaviour

Clay's POV

Right after breakfast, I snuck to Nancy's room when I was sure her friends left and she was alone, like we promised. While she thought I was coming to see her for pleasure, in reality, I came to her to get some more drugs and ease the restlessness inside of me after staying clean for just a day.

Nancy chuckled when I walked in and stood up, already undressed without asking me what I wanted. Yet, as long as she gave me drugs, I didn't mind the sexual intercourse I had with her and sometimes Jason as well.

'Give me some heroin,' I demanded with my hand stuck out to her, not feeling any interest in looking at her bare body. 'Only then I'll give you what you want.'

She rolled her eyes and opened her bag, giving me all the things I needed to inject the heroin into my bruised veins. With some quick motions, I inserted the needle into my vein and felt the heroin flowing through them again. I smiled from the calmness it gave me and decided to take off my shirt and pants to satisfy her.

'Want to invite Jason after we did it once?' she asked with a chuckle, which made me nod right away because she barely turned me on. I just didn't want her to know the truth because I knew she would be heartbroken, or likely get upset and angry.

'Can we invite him now? We haven't asked him in a while,' I suggested, which made her nod slowly but with some confusion in her eyes. However, I came to her so often that she had no clue I was into guys...

She grabbed her phone and went to Jason's chat, raising her phone to take a picture of her naked body. 'I asked him, I'm sure he can't deny this... Oh, he already asked for the room number.'

I laughed and impatiently waited for him to arrive, the thought of having sex with him arousing me even more than the drugs did. I groaned and laid down next to Nancy with a fastened heartbeat because of the rush I felt from the heroin.

Soon after I laid down and enjoyed the excitement inside, Jason opened the door to Nancy's bedroom and rolled his eyes at me because he was still upset. Yet, he still walked towards us and took his shirt off.

'I'll only fuck you if you stop being such a bitch,' Jason swore as he pushed me to my hands and knees. 'If you continue to act like a dick, this is the last time, dude.'

'Sure,' I answered with a laugh, everything seemed funny to me either way and I waited for him to start, falling back into my old, horrific, behaviour...

~~~

'You get an orgasm so fast when Jason is here!' Nancy complained. 'Can we go for a second round?'

I was panting softly and turned around to Jason, higher than I had been in ages. 'You liked to see two straight guys making out, right?' I stumbled, my speech unclear the more the drugs had its effect.

'Yeah,' she answered with a laugh. 'Show it to me then... But I want no restrictions, I want the full thing.'

~~~

Jason and I made out and eventually went for another round of sex in front of Nancy. I had no shame left and went from touching Jason, to touching myself and eventually running around the room because I was a lot more excited from the heroin.

But slowly, after a few hours, the drugs began to wear off and the restlessness came back. Even when I was dressed back up and laid on my bed in my room, just like Jason and Reggie did, I couldn't stop thinking about drugs and sex.

While expecting Reggie to be asleep, I jumped down my bed and knelt down in front of Jason's bed, tapping his shoulder to get his attention. 'Jason...'

He raised his gaze and slowly sat up to look at me, lifting his eyebrows in confusion. 'What?'

'Do you want to have some fun? Just... without Nancy?' I asked quietly, seeing him frown. 'I know she doesn't like it, but she's busy with her friends anyway.'

Jason rolled his eyes at me and pushed my shoulder. 'It's difficult for you to admit you're gay, isn't it?' he asked with a laugh. 'Is this your way of doing so?'

I grinned and grabbed his hand to pull him to the bathroom. He followed me and closed the door behind us, locking it to make sure no one would come in. 'What do you want from me?' he questioned, but I pulled down my pants and boxers, pushing him on his knees in front of me.

~~~

I felt more satisfied after being together with Jason for a while and even decided to passionately kiss him. After making out for quite some time, we returned to our bedroom and laid back down on our beds like nothing happened.

Reggie was still lying in the exact same position as he did when we left, his breathing heavier than it usually was. Somewhere inside of me, I felt guilt burning in my chest as I realised I had sexual intimacy with someone right next to him, while I refused to be close to him...

But I pushed my guilt away, because honestly, drugs had changed me into someone I barely even knew. I felt my interest fade away more and more, only thinking about drugs, alcohol and sex. I felt more resistance to my father's rules and fully turned against them, and my own beliefs.

Yet, the realisation of how much I was messing up my life slowly came more and more to the front whenever I wasn't on drugs. I saw my mother's eyes full of love changing into darkness when she heard what I had been doing.

Slowly, I opened my phone and went to my photo album. With burning eyes, I clicked on a picture of Reggie and me together, seeing the honest smile in both of our eyes. Even though Reggie was already depressed and traumatised when we met, he always showed true joy when he was around me.

The thought of me taking that one spark of joy from him made my chest fill with insane guilt. It became so bad that I jumped down my bed and knelt down next to Reggie's.

'Reggie... I'm messing up,' I whispered impulsively, but no matter how impulsive it was, I didn't regret it and it felt good to speak out the truth to him. 'I'm feeling as lost as you do... but I'm unsure how to get out of it. Either way... I'm sorry.'

I felt a lot lighter as I stood back up, but when I did, I saw Reggie grasp onto my hand. I gasped and turned back to him, seeing him look up with heartbroken eyes.

'Save me, Clay...' he mumbled, tears filling the brim of his eyes. 'Please.'

1175 words