Finding The Light

15

Warnings:
-Flashback (starts at italic letters) about severe physical abuse, bullying, homophobia and mentions sexual abuse

Reggie's POV

As long as I stayed close to Clay, I felt honestly fine, but the second he was gone from me, flashbacks filled my mind and I began to feel the emptiness burning in my chest again. I was way too afraid to admit that even when he left to use the bathroom, I had to fight my own mind.

But as soon as he had a different class than I did, I noticed my mind going back to things I was trying to block every minute of the day. Yet, because I had no porn or anything sexual to distract myself from it, I got lost in the memories I wanted to forget...

'You can't outrun us!' I heard Nicky's boyfriend scream at me as he ran after me with three of his friends.

I was panting heavily and sped up even more, running as quickly as I could. I jumped over a bench and glanced back, seeing the head start I had become less big.

'You know you'll get beaten either way, just give up!'

There was no way I would stop and go through the same as a few weeks ago. So instead, I started running even faster while my legs were burning and my lungs started to hurt from the breathlessness.

I ran around the corner and hopefully looked back, the gap getting less and less wide. I wanted to run faster, but I simply couldn't. I was exhausted, I couldn't speed up any faster, but because they were with four, they managed to save their energy.

'Just give up!' they yelled at me, but I was still nowhere near giving up.

I continued my run with all the strength within me, but I saw them coming closer and closer. Unfortunately, my effort wasn't enough as Nicky's boyfriend stuck out his foot and placed it in front of mine.

Because I was trying to run so fast, I immediately tripped and fell to the floor. I felt my forehead slam against the stones and tried to look up, but my vision seemed double and blurry.

'Finally, asshole,' he groaned, kneeling down next to my lifeless body. Slowly, I closed my eyes as the headache made nausea build up in my chest. A heat rushed to my face and made me shake, however, the punch that followed made me freeze.

I wasn't strong enough to fight back and had to feel all of the punches and kicks without doing anything back. But when I was bleeding heavily and almost started choking on my blood, suddenly they stopped and looked at each other with grins on their faces.

Nicky's boyfriend sat down on his knees in front of me and laughed as my pants, and boxers, were roughly pulled down. I sobbed softly and tried to curl up, but it was only the start of what they would do to me.

I knew they were cruel, but I had no clue they would go as far as to sexually assault me with all four of them and eventually rape me, just because I was into guys...

Nicky's boyfriend grabbed my arms with a tight grasp and pushed them down above my head, making me unable to move them. Eventually, he stood up and laughed as he stood down on both of my arms while another boy started doing things to me that I really didn't want to happen...

I screamed in the middle of the classroom and jumped up. I ran out of class without asking and slammed the door behind me. Tears immediately started to well up in my eyes as I sped to the bathroom and hopelessly slammed the stall door behind me.

I sat down on the toilet seat, locked the door and grabbed my phone to look up porn. I pushed my earphones in my ears and took off my pants, but as soon as I did, I felt their hands all over my body again.

My chest tightened, my own hands feeling disgusting as soon as they connected with my skin. My hands started shaking heavily, trying to fixate on the porn video playing. But the flashbacks made the head of the main person change into my own.

I grabbed my hair and started pulling it, but eventually felt so awfully hopeless that I grabbed my phone and texted Leo. He sent me a smirking emoji back and a few minutes later, he walked into the bathroom.

I let him come in and while I had tears stinging in my eyes, I started kissing him to forget about the awful pain inside of my body. He didn't even notice my pain, because he was only focused on my body, but I needed someone to touch me, so I could forget about the hands that had touched my body before.

~~~

After I had sex with Leo, he left to go back to class. I was crying louder than I could remember since what happened to me and felt so much guilt inside that it felt as if I would burst out.

'I'm so sorry, Clay,' I whispered to myself, continuously staring at my background. 'I'm so sorry...'

With shaky hands, I decided to text Clay about this. I knew I wouldn't be honest in real life and couldn't live with the intense guilt either.

You -> Clay
I understand if you want to end things with me, but I still want to be honest. I messed up again and had sex with someone. I'm sorry for being such a failure and betraying your trust, I hope you can ever forgive me and maybe we can stay friends.

It took a few minutes for him to read it. I was impatiently spinning my phone in my hands as tears streamed down my face until I heard it buzz.

Clay -> You
Where are you? I would like to talk about it face to face, if that's okay.

You -> Clay
In the bathroom.

I had never felt as nervous, but when I heard his footsteps, I immediately bursted out into more tears. I opened the door for him and let him enter, seeing a gentle smile on his face while shaking his head.

'What's wrong, Reg? Talk to me,' he demanded while he sat down on my lap and faced me. He raised my head up by my chin and looked me deep into my teary eyes. 'Please, talk to me.'

'Clay...' I whispered, sobbing at the same time as I started to hyperventilate. 'I- I... I was r-raped...'

He closed his eyes and breathed out, but without saying anything else, he tightly wrapped me into his arms while letting me cry.

'I'm so proud you've told me,' he whimpered, his emotional voice revealing his fight against his tears. 'I want to hold you and I'll stay with you for hours, just as long as you need me to.'

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