Finding The Light

40

Warnings:
-Mentions sexual abuse

Reggie's POV

~ The Next Morning ~

I hadn't slept for a second since I got into the hospital. The pain was more severe than anything I had ever felt, but I felt nothing other than worry when I remembered the results and suspicions from yesterday.

"It looks like he has a lot of neglected injuries from in the past and due to the severity of them, we have been suspecting bullying or child abuse. We have to report it to the police if there's no other valid reason."

I lied about getting into fights with other teens at my school, so they eventually dropped their complaints and focused on the severity of my head wound. I had a scan of my head and soon enough, the result showed a fracture in my skull, a broken nose bone and a bleeding between my skull and skin.

I was told I had been incredibly lucky, because if one of the broken parts moved an inch, it would have pierced my brain and caused severe damage. To make sure I had no hidden damage, I had to stay the night for observation. I sent my teacher an email, because I didn't have his number, and he rushed to the hospital.

He was so concerned that he stayed with me the whole night, constantly checking if I was okay the second he woke up. I honestly really appreciated his care more than anything...

'Reggie, how are you?' he exclaimed as he woke up from a two hour sleep, standing up to hold my hand. 'Can I do anything for you?'

I shrugged and smiled shortly. 'Thank you...' I whimpered, pointing to my eyes. 'Do I still look like... a panda?'

'Your eyes are pretty bruised, but I promise, it'll go down soon,' he answered. 'You'll look just as handsome as before!'

'Sir, why do you care about me?' I asked, slowly sitting up in my bed. 'Why did you stay the night with me? I'm not worth it...'

'That's the thing, you are worth the world to me. I have never felt a strong connection like this with a student and feel an intense need to help you and support you. Do you believe in God?'

'No...' I replied quickly. 'If there was a God, He wouldn't have done this to me. And if He exists, I hate Him.'

'Do you know God only gives the toughest things to the strongest people?' he asked with a soft smile. 'He isn't putting you through this pain, the devil is. He wants to help you, but He asks us to reach out to Him with a genuine heart first.'

'He could have helped me, but He didn't. I don't see any love in that religion,' I groaned.

'He wants to help you, but you've closed your heart to His love instead. If you close your heart and refuse to believe in His truth, He is unable to help. He is trying to send you signals, but you don't want to see them.'

I raised my gaze and then shrugged slightly. 'Sir, you don't get it... No one does.'

'I don't get it because you don't speak about it,' he answered, grabbing my hand with a soft grasp. 'And I want to understand it, but I can't as long as you stay quiet.'

'I almost killed someone,' I replied, trying to make my voice sound like I barely cared, but within seconds, my bottom lip started to shake and I sniffed softly as the tears build up in my eyes. 'Maybe I even k-killed him...'

'Talk to me about it,' he demanded, scooting closer to rest his head on my shoulder. 'Please.'

'It was me... who pushed the PE teacher,' I whispered with tears rolling down. I felt my teacher tense up and then he looked at me full of love.

'And what made you do such a thing?'

'Sir, I've been bullied so often... I was locked in a stall at PE, without clothes. He came in and I thought he wanted to save me, but he didn't!' I yelled out helplessly, my voice more and more desperate when more of the truth came out. 'He s-sexually assaulted me and I had to get him away from me. He fell down... and hit his head. I ran away, I was so scared...'

'Oh, honey...' he stumbled, lifting himself up to give me a tender kiss on my temple. 'I believe you, Reggie. What you did, that was self defense. You did what you had to do to protect yourself from his disgusting actions.'

'But what if I just made it up?' I asked. 'I made up the rape too... I'm crazy, sir, I'm truly crazy. No, but... I have proof.'

I lifted my shirt up and showed him the cut on my stomach, which the teacher caused by scratching my skin. I held up my bitten nails to show him I had no ability of cutting my own skin like that and saw him nod.

'Reggie, I believe you. You're not crazy at all, I promise you. Your brain deceives you every now and then, but not this time. You remember everything vividly, while you didn't remember a single detail about the rape.'

'Sir...' I started, nausea building up more and more. 'He got hard from looking at me. It scared me so badly, it really reminded me of... when I was raped.'

'Oh, sweetheart,' he comforted me, pulling me tightly into his arms. 'He is absolutely disgusting for what he has done to you and he had no right to look at you or touch you with one finger. So didn't the people in the past.'

'But it's my fault,' I whimpered, grasping onto his hand. 'Sir, I know this is personal, but do you think I can even call it rape? I got... an erection and... had an orgasm. I've always hated myself for it...'

He looked at me with pity in his eyes and then seemed to realise something. 'That's what triggered you so badly during my classes... Reggie, I think I've educated you wrongly during class and I'm so sorry for that.'

'Wrongly?' I responded with a questioning tone in my voice.

'When a boy gets an erection, it doesn't mean he enjoys something sexually. If you've been raped by a boy, it means he hit your prostate. It's a natural reaction to get hard when something hits the prostate, but it doesn't mean you enjoyed the feeling.'

'Even if that's normal, I had an orgasm, so it doesn't count anymore. I just enjoyed it and shouldn't complain...'

'No, it does count. When someone keeps stimulating your prostate, eventually you have to release the semen, or else the pressure keeps building up. It's not because you enjoyed it, it's because it's a natural reaction and your body responded to the stimulation, while your mind didn't at all.'

I looked at him in silence and then felt a wave of tears being released. Slowly, the hidden pain from my trauma was coming out and I let out a horrific scream while crying in my teacher's arms...

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