Finding The Light

20

Warnings:
-Throwing up

Clay's POV

My father locked me in my room without food for the rest of that day and hadn't said a word to me. Yet, at the same time, he decided to have sex with two women, on the same night, and had the audacity to call me a whore for what I had done.

The cropped up guilt was honestly replaced with anger because of him. I had my own life and was allowed to experiment as well with the person I loved. Yet, the person I loved blocked me and hadn't spoken to me either.

I ran to school the next morning after waiting for Reggie for more than thirty minutes. When I was sure he wouldn't show up, I even went to his house, but saw his bike was gone. Way too late for my first class, I arrived at school while panting and looked all around me in the hope I would see a sign of Reggie.

But for some reason, I had done something awful to him, because it looked like he was doing anything in his power to avoid seeing me. Hopelessly, I fell down on a chair in the cantina and looked at his blocked phone number.

What had I done wrong? I honestly couldn't think of a reason for him to freak out like this and run off like nothing happened. I knew sex wasn't a big thing to him, but he knew it was to me and the guilt I didn't feel at first started to get worse and worse the longer I realised he didn't want me anymore.

And slowly, the realisation started to hit me. I lost my virginity to someone I thought loved me, but who apparently used me like one of his one hundred sex partners. I wasn't special like he acted I was, I was just another one on his list of lustful partners...

While I thought I would lose my virginity to someone special, who would stay with me regardless of what I felt like or what I did, he didn't care in the slightest. The guilt began to creep up in my chest and tears built up in my eyes.

Why didn't I just stick to what I had always told myself? Why did I have to let myself be free instead of keeping my boundaries? My father was honestly right because the second I got the chance to give my body to someone else, I decided to do it and didn't care about the effects of it.

I put my elbows on the table and moved my hands to my hair, ruffling it as I laid my forehead down on the table. I closed my eyes and breathed out when a tear dropped down on the table.

Not only did I lose my lover, but my best friend at the same time. I could have known I wasn't as special to him, but I didn't know how to cope with the feeling of attraction that I had never felt before.

Slowly, but surely, tears started to roll down my face while I leaned forward to hide them from everyone around me. A continuous stream of swear words passed by in my mind and the guilt started to build up so badly that eventually, it genuinely caused a chest and stomach ache.

!! throwing up !!

I jumped up when it felt like my stomach was turning around and sped up to go to the nearest bathroom. As soon as I entered it, I fell to my knees and felt the cereal I had this morning coming back up in my throat.

I gagged and coughed at the same time, a wave of food coming out. It landed right in the toilet, but my stomach turned again a second later. The acid started to sting in my throat and it made me gag even louder than the first time. Bile filled my throat and came out as well, emptying most of my stomach.

!! over !!

I was panting as I stared down in the toilet's water, a drop of sweat rolling down my forehead. I coughed again and slowly stood up after I wiped my mouth and flushed the toilet. Silently, I walked to the sinks to grab some water as I saw a classmate standing in front of the mirror.

He gave me a side eye and chuckled. 'I didn't expect you to be hungover,' he said with a smirk on his face. 'But it's clear you drank a bit too much.'

I nodded my head, mostly because I didn't want him to know the real reason for me throwing up. I had never been drunk or hungover, but at this point, I already ruined my life so much within one day that I didn't care what anyone would think.

He hit my shoulder while laughing, because apparently, I was suddenly part of the "cool" guys. I rolled my eyes when he walked off and stared at myself in the mirror. Honestly, I wasn't surprised he thought I was hungover. My ashen face and dark bags didn't make me look like the healthiest person.

I sniffled and turned around after I washed my hands, checking my phone one more time to see if Reggie hadn't texted me. But when I noticed it was still just as quiet, I started to walk towards a quieter bathroom. I just needed some time alone without everyone bursting in at all times.

I opened the door to the quieter bathroom and silently went into a stall, but then I immediately heard panting noises coming from the stall next to me. I raised my feet and groaned, my peace gone before it even started.

But that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was when I realised it wasn't one person in the stall next to me, but two of them...

'Reggie, go faster,' one boy begged with a moan followed. 'You're so good at this...'

Reggie laughed and then moaned as well, which made my stomach turn around again. However, this time, tears immediately started to roll down my cheeks when I understood what was happening. Reggie didn't care about me like he acted he did, he used me like he used everyone else and tricked me into believing he loved me.

And while I truly fell for him and gave myself to him for the first time, he would just go to the next person as if it meant nothing. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I opened the stall and stepped out.

But right as I did, Reggie seemed to finish and so did the person he was having sex with. I couldn't leave the bathroom quick enough and heard the stall opening. Reggie gasped as soon as he saw me and I looked him into the eyes with a heartbroken look in mine.

'I hate you, Reggie,' I whimpered with a voice crack. 'I understand it didn't mean anything to you, but it did to me. I never want to see you again, but thank you for ruining my life. I feel like shit because of you and won't get over this anymore, but I see you already have.'

I saw him looking at me with an agape mouth, but it didn't seem like he had anything to say. I turned around and ran off, slamming the door behind me.

1234 words