peace of mind

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I stay waiting in Hao's bed, hearing muffled voices downstairs. After talking with Cho, I convinced Hao to go talk to her. I believe that they should both talk it through, especially as siblings.

I tremble my leg up and down, thinking. I feel relieved, almost like a pain has completely vanished from me in a span of a few days. It feels unrealistic, but almost magical. 

I feel myself smiling as I think of the liberty that lays in my heart. At the most, if not, it feels peaceful. The excitement has drained away from me a few minutes ago after leaving Hao and Cho to talk, but it has been replaced by a comfortable silence, of thoughts in a perfect picture of life.

I think of Hao's smile, so genuine when it is real. His narrow eyes that seem to pull me in, hypnotizing every cell in my brain. I think of how his hair does not budge when the wind blows, almost as if he is untouchable. I think and think, but none of the thoughts worry me. I feel happy.

Something about not having to like him in secret makes me feel joy rise into my heart, the beat quickening at the thought. 

Peace of mind dawns upon me, a calm sigh escaping from my lips.

I am about to stand up to pace around the room, still englufed in thoguhts, when Hao walks in. I look up at him, the genuine smile making my body shake in happiness. I stay seated on Hao's bed as he sits next to me. We stay in comfortable silence for a while before Hao speaks

"Thank you, Hanbin" Hao says, and I turn to look at him in confusion

"Hm? Why?"

"I didn't know about Cho's struggles until now. I mean, I knew that she didn't like the fact that I would try so hard, but I never knew it affected her that much"

"You guys talked about that?" I ask. I knew that they would talk, but I never thought that Cho would finally open up about it with her brother

"Yeah," Hao says


Flashback

"Cho..." Hao starts, stressed of Cho's reaction to what Hanbin told her. Nevertheless, she only smiles lightly and sits on the couch, signaling him to sit down as well.

He hesitantly takes a seat in the second couch

"Hao, I'll just tell you first as your sister that I'm completely fine with you and Hanbin dating and all" Cho starts. At this, Hoa perks his head up in surprise

"Huh? Really?"

"Yeah! Why would I not?" Cho asks

"I dunno... I guess because you liked him" Hao answers, not sure. Cho laughs

"I did, but I don't anymore. Of course, it'll still take a little bit to get used to it, but you guys can't control your feelings right?" 

"No" Hao answers, thinking it through "but then why did you ask me to stay away from Hanbin a few months ago" he asks finally. Cho seems surprised at first but quickly recovers before sighing

"I didn't want to lose Hanbin. I still thought of him as one of my closest frriends despite liking him"

"Well, why would you lose him?"

"Hao, do you remember Jinni and Bira?" Cho asks. Hao thinks for a while before nodding "Well, do you remember why the stopped talking to me?"

"No. I remember you crying though. You never told me why they left you"

"Because of you"

Silence. Hao felt a painful pang at his heart. Guilt, if it was, intoxicates him

"Me?" he asks silently. It hurt more as Cho nodded

"Yeah. I was so mad, Hao. I knew that you had no idea, but I couldn't help but me frustrated" Cho says, and Hao nods slowly, trying to comprehend

"Aren't you going to ask why they left me for you?" Cho asks, but Hao shakes his head

"I think I already know..." Hao says. Cho tilts her head

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I guess I was just a really shitty brother to not realize. I'm sorry, Cho"

"No need to be sorry. I mean, you can't really say sorry for being a really likeable person" Cho says with a laugh "But I still didn't want to lose Hanbin. He made me realize just now that he doesn't have to leave me even when he's with you. He made me realize that the others were just bad friends, and that's why they left me. Honestly, I do feel kind of glad now that I got away from that bad environment. But there's still a problem..." she says

"What is it?" Hao asks, still slightly afraid

"You act fake. You're not a perfect person, Hao. No one is, and I want you to realize that. Imperfection is not a flaw" she says quietly. Hao smile slightly

"I know, Hanbin made me realize that as well. I guess I just wanted to get everyone's approval"

"You went too far for that Hao. You nearly destroyed yourself so many times. I swear that whenever I enter your room, you're studying... even when it's summer" 

Cho crosses her arms as if mocking anger, and Hao laughs

"Don't do that, it's making me cringe" he says, throwing a rock hard pillow at her face. Luckily, she has fast reflexes and takes hold of it before it can hit her face

"Sure, sure, whatever you say. Now go talk to Hanbin or something, he probably wants to talk to you"

"Right" Hao says, standing up from the couch, but stays still as if knowing that Cho still wanted to say something. In which she did

"But Hao, I seriously mean it. Stop trying so hard. I personally find you more likeable like how you are right now. If people don't like you for you, then they aren't real friends" Cho says, and Hao nods.

He leaves the living room glad, comfort on his shoulders

Peace of mind dawns upon him, and he sends himself a small smile in the mirror before entering his room


Back to the present

"So you and your sister are all good?" I ask, and Hao nods

"We never were really on bad terms. But we're still siblings, we have our problems from time to time" Hao says, before fully laying down on the bed. I lay down next to him, my legs still touching the ground. We stay in silence for a while, thinking about nothing and everything. I smile as I feel Hao's presence next to me. 

I slowly move my arm so that it touches his, as our hands intertwine. I hear Hao sigh next to me and I wonder what he is thinkking about.

"Wanna go watch a movie?" Hao asks. I hum in agreement

But we stay there, enjoying each other's prescence while sharing a touch that brings a warmth to both of our bodies.



idk abt yall but... there might or might not be only two or three chapters left for this ff 😭

I kinda gave up on including the gyuricky ship into this ff since I've been focusing so much on haobin but I'll for sure make an extra chapter for them after the ff ends

how have you all been today? Hopefully good because we need more happy people in this world ngl

(non k-pop related, but listen to 'house of balloons' by the weeknd)

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