The 1 Rule - haobin

safe

"What's wrong sweetie?" My mom asks, intertwining my hair into her hands, softly rubbing my scalp into a massage as I cry in her arms, my head on her lap

"Mom... mom"

"I'm here... I'm here, don't worry"

"I hate myself," I say, tears streaming down my pale cheeks. My mom stays quiet, ready to listen to what I have to say. I stay in my position, too ashamed to look up at my mom

"I'm a betrayer, a jerk, a no one," I see between sobs "I've done everything that I promised I wouldn't do" 

More tears...

"Sweetie...?"

"I promised that I would never be like Dad. I promised..." I say, my voice turning from angry to quiet, my own tears choking the words out of me. I feel devoured in a slump of misery, betrayal, and most of all, self-hate. My mom doesn't speak, as if she's waiting for me to continue talking. But I don't. I'm too ashamed

"Hanbin. I want you to clearly listen to me, ok?" My mom finally speaks up, taking my shoulders lightly so that I can stand up and sit next to her. I sit obediently, scared of what she will say. I barely know her. I trust her with my life.

"You are not, and you will never be like your dad. Sweetie, I don't know what you're going through, and I won't force you to tell me, but I can assure you that you are nothing like him" my mom says sternly, eyes soft but voice harsh. I don't nod, just stare. I don't believe her. 

"Hanbin, I have a question. Will you be able to answer?" She asks, voice softening again. I nod meekly "Do you think that your dad has ever regretted, or cried about anything that he did wrong? Do you think that he stayed up all night, or went running to his mom to tell him how he feels horrible about what he has done?" She asks. I shake my head

Of course, he hasn't. My dad has no regrets about cheating on his loving wife

"Well, then, that's already a difference you have from him. Hanbin, just the fact that you notice that something is wrong, and you want to do something about it, already speaks for itself. You are nothing like him, and that has to be clear to that kind head of yours. Do you understand?" She asks. I look up at her, and burst into a waterfall of cries again. I lie my head down on her lap again, clutching at her brown sweater. It smells like home. It smells like kindness and truth. It smells like trust. I feel my breathing as my tears start to dry up after a few seconds, my chest rising and falling, feeling the calm hands of my mom brushing my tangled hair softly

"Mom?" I ask, and my mom hums. Her voice sounds like the cry of a flowing lake with a waterfall next to it. It flows lightly in loneliness. But it's happy. It's safe. 

The waterfall, it's noisy and crashes around, but the lake remains calm. 

"I want to tell you. I'll tell you everything" I say, determined. My mom smiles warmly, making me smile back weakly

"Only if you want to"

♡♡♡

Short chapter!!

idk but writing this book is so comforting, like I don't even know how to explain it. It rll gets my mind off of so many things that are a burden to me

It's also making me so happy seeing how much you guys are enjoying so much that I don't want the ff to finish 😭

idk why it's making me so sad lol but I found so much comfort from your guys' comments and being able to make a story that people will enjoy reading

Thank you guys sm for all of the support!

Also, this is me procrastinating my French essay due tmr so that's probably why the chapter is so short. Sorry!

(non k-pop related, but listen to 'cry' by cigs after sex)