The 1 Rule - haobin

vulnerability

"If you send it to me, I'll pay you," says Gyuvin, holding Ricky's arm, and making the best puppy face he can ever attempt.

"And if you don't shut up, I'll rob all of your money" Ricky retorts. Gyuvin drops his puppy face and turns it into a sad

"But you're already rich! Leave money for the poor please" he says, rubbing his hands to show how desperate he is

"Exactly. I'm so rich that I don't need your money. Peasant" says Ricky mockingly rolling his eyes. I look at them and snicker. They're always like this, bickering here and there, but whenever one of them does the same thing with another person, they act dry toward each other. It's their form of affection in some way. I find it funny, but deep down, I feel something more between them. Something more under all that fighting. But once I see it, something gets in the way and I don't see it anymore.

"Dude, what do you mean? I literally passed all my homework to you like three months ago for a full two weeks"

"Dude?! My grandma was dying and I had to take care of her poor ass. I never even talked to her before all that happened. I swear, this family only reaches out when it's convenient for them. Anyways, continue talking"

"Well then, even though she was dying, it's not like she was running around like a child"

"No, she slept a lot" Ricky responds

"Exactly. There was surely time to do homework while she was asleep" Gyuvin says, sounding extremely proud

"Not really," says Ricky

"Not really? Bro, what else did you have to do?"

"Many things, actually. I had to dye my hair again since the color was fading, I had to go shopping for clothes, and I also needed to buy a car for one of my friend's birthday. So yes, I had a lot of things to do, bro" Ricky says, crossing his arms.

"Did you just call me bro?" Gyuvin asks, weirdly offended

"Yes, so what if I did, it's not like-" Ricky starts, but Taerae takes Gyuvin's shoulders and turns him towards him

"I'll give you the homework," he says with a smile on his face. Gyuvin suddenly launches himself onto Taerae and gives him a big hug, something that would probably suffocate me, if I was in Taerae's place. I look at Ricky and see how he suddenly turned stiff, looking at the two boys that are hugging each other. May be a very weird scene for the people that pass by our lunch table.

"Really? Would you do that for me?" asks Gyuvin, looking up at Taerae, cupping his face

"Well, I offered it for a reason," says Taerae, laughing, putting his hands over Gyuvin's. The boy then hugs him even tighter and looks up at him again, his face close to the other, to the point that, for a second, I thought he would kiss him.

No way. Ricky likes Gyuvin. And Gyuvin likes Ricky... right?

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've never loved anyone so much" says Gyuvin, backing away from Taerae, but taking his hand in his. Cho looks at Ricky at the same time as I do, and we both notice how the boy sneers, then how he turns his head down and takes his tray, standing up.

"I'll go eat with Yujin. I need to give him something" Ricky says. I stand up along with him, and as he leaves, I follow him. I notice how Gyuvin looks up at us, but doesn't say anything. Does he like Ricky? It's just that, every time that I think that he does, something randomly changes my mind. How would Ricky feel if he knows that Gyuvin doesn't really like him? Or does he already know? There are things I want to ask Ricky, but I'm scared of making the boy feel bad.

"What do you need to give Yujin?" I ask instead. 

"A calculator. He has a math exam today, and he forgot his calculator" Ricky says casually, looking at his phone with a bored expression. This boy is damn good at acting like he's fine. 

"Are you ok?" I ask, knowing the answer. He'll say that he's fine but he most definitely isn't

"I'm fine? Why wouldn't I be?" he asks, looking up at me, and almost immediately looking back at his phone.

"We both know why you wouldn't be," I say, voice almost being a whisper. Ricky looks up, and I notice how his eyes shine abnormally. Are what I see... tears? As if to answer my question, a tear slides down my best friend's cheek. His face stays up, facing me, but his eyes wander toward the floor, shaking. 

I've only seen him cry twice. The first time was when we were kids, almost babies, and Gyuvin had taken Ricky's ice cream, licked a bit of it, and then thrown it to the ground. Ricky was crying, and when I tell you that he cried, he was bawling his eyes out. Gyuvin had run away laughing, and ever since then, they were rivals. I never really understood if they actually liked being friends, but for them, it was fun to bicker, or if they were friends just because I was friends with both, and they had to put up with each other. But after years, I finally knew that it wasn't either of those. It was because Ricky stuck to Gyuvin like a piece of gum, even though he acted cold toward him, not for friendship, but for the affection and attention from the boy.

The second time that I saw him cry, was three years ago. We were both walking on the street when we saw a woman in her 50s walk the street at an undirected time. That didn't end so well, and right there in a span of moments, was a dead body a few meters away from us. That's when Ricky cried for the second time. I don't think he cried out of sadness, but more out of the shock of seeing a body lie lifelessly before us.

And now here, is the third time. Ricky, crying before me, tears streaming out of his eyes and onto the ground. The boy looking weak and vulnerable, clutching at my clothes, and hands trembling. A boy that I always thought was never vulnerable, is crying violently in front of me.

I take his arm and lead him out of the cafeteria before anyone sees him in this condition. I lead us to a small classroom that no one ever uses, without saying anything. I sit him down and watch him cry, waiting for him to say something. I don't want to force anything out of him, and I want him to feel comfortable in such a situation. Ricky sniffs and rubs at his nose about a million times, hiding his face with his hands. I rub at his back, not daring to say anything. As time passes, and Ricky calms down a little, he looks up at me with devastating eyes. I've never seen him like this. It's never been this bad.

"You wouldn't understand," he says, voice a whisper

"I'll try to understand" I reply. With that, Ricky starts crying violently again, coming closer to me, and hiding himself in my arms while I play with his hair. I always used to do this when he had nightmares. That was a long time ago, many years ago, and it seemed to calm him down back then. But it doesn't seem to be working out right now. I feel his breath being unstable, his back arching and going up and down from breathing too much air in, and then letting it escape.

"Hanbin?" he says, in between weeps

"Hm" I reply calmly

"I love him"

♡♡♡

Ahhh I'm sorry I didn't upload before. It's just that I'm losing a bit of motivation here and there, but when I start writing, I forget that. I was just kinda busy as well

I'll try to upload the most I can, even though it might not be every day for around a few weeks

Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter!

(stream 'delicious' by the boyz)