Love me better [Fyolai Highschool Au]

I'll Love You Better

Fjodor didn't know how to feel. He won, it all went well, but it felt nothing like that at all. It felt like he lost. It felt like whatever he achieved, he would never be free. Ten years. He'd not even be thirty by then. Helpless he turned towards Nikolai, who came over to him.

"Fyo, you won! It's over! It's finally over!"
Fjodor didn't know how to react. Nikolai was so happy, and he didn't want to let him down now.

"And now you tell me, what's going on in your head", Nikolai demanded as they sat on the porch after dinner. The warmth of the day still lingered in the air as the sky changed to an orange color. "No, wait! I know what you're thinking. It's something like 'what am I gonna do in ten years?' or 'ten years is nothing.' Am I right?" Fjodor didn't answer. Yes, that was exactly what he was thinking. His mind was already planning out scenarios on how they could meet again, how he could evade him, what he should do if everything went back to how it was before.

Softly Nikolai knocked Fjodor's head with his fist. "Man, ten years are an eternity! We've finished school by then, have a job, moved out... Come on! Let's just live our life, at least for like... 7 years? How does that sound. And those last three years you can think about everything as much as you want." Fjodor chuckled. 7 years, huh?

Lost in thought Fjodor watched the horizon, where the last rays of daylight got buried by dark clouds. That would be a nice thunderstorm tonight. "L... Let's go back inside before it starts raining", Nikolai said. Fjodor nodded and stood up.

With two cups of tea and a plate of cookies they sat on the bed. "Why do I always think of Sigma when I see cookies now?" Fjodor chuckled. "You think of another man when you sit next to me?" Nikolai pouted playfully. "You're an idiot." A lightning lit up the room, followed by a deep rumble. Nikolai grabbed a pillow and hid his face with it. "And a coward. Are you afraid of thunderstorms?" Nikolai put the pillow aside and grabbed his cup. "N... No, why would I?"

He totally was. Fjodor felt guilty for smiling every time Nikolai grabbed the pillow. Usually he was such a strong boy and now a little lightning scared him. Slowly Fjodor scooted closer. Somehow he felt a bit relieved. Nikolai always seemed invincible, he had always been there for him, stood up for him, protected him. It felt good to see that even Nikolai wasn't perfect. That nobody had to be perfect. And it was very very cute how Nikolai tried not to show how stressed he was, but still clenching the pillow in his hands and watching the lightning glow through the window.

Thunder was still roaring when Fjodor woke up in the middle of the night. In the dark, he felt for Nikolai on the bed, but the other boy wasn't there. A little light shone through the crack of the door. Quietly to not wake Nikolai's parents, he tapped down the stairs to the living room. Nikolai sat on the couch, staring at the wall.

"There you are", Fjodor said. Nikolai turned around. "Did the light wake you up?" He shook his head. "Still can't sleep because of the thunder?" He went around the sofa and sat down next to his boyfriend. "Yeah, somehow, but it's like... I don't know... It sounds so weird but it's like, after all that happened, it doesn't feel right that it's over now. I mean, I'm happy, I should be, but..." - "If you lived with bad things all your life, good things don't feel right, do they? But shouldn't I be the one saying this?", Fjodor chuckled.

"Probably. I mean, I can't even dare compare my past to yours. I mean, what's not having friends against..." Nikolai's voice faded. Lost in thought, Fjodor loosely braided Nikolai's hair between his fingers. "Listen, Kolya. What I've learned over time is that everybody is unique. What is the most horrible thing for one person can be nothing to another. Humans will never truly understand each other, but that's why we communicate. We talk, we explain, we express and we should listen. Your past might be just as horrible for you as my past is for me. And that's okay.

But what's not okay is not enjoying what we have now. You were the one who told me not to worry for what is in ten years. So stop worrying about nonsense."

Nikolai startet to laugh. "I'd never think I'd get that kind of lecture from you. But thank you." Softly Nikolai caressed Fjodor's cheek with his thumb before tilting his head for a kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I'll love you better than your family ever did."

"Me too, I'll love you better."