Love me better [Fyolai Highschool Au]

Decision

Fjodor hadn't spoken a word with Nikolai since yesterday, still he woke up in his room. After that scene in the bathroom, he just couldn't bring himself to stay in his flat alone, so he stood in front of the Nikolai's house at two in the morning. Nobody of them asked a thing. Nikolai probably told them to and he was thankful for that.

His eyes were still burning as ke stared at the dark ceiling. From crying, and from lack of sleep. It was just shortly after five, which meant probably two and a half hours of sleep this night. He thought about Nikolai's words as he listened to his breathing. True, he didn't want to go on like this, but it could get even worse if he tried and failed. On the other hand, if he never tried, he could never win, just as Nikolai had said.

Frustrated he turned to the side. He had called him weak. He hadn't called him a failure. 'Weak person', was what he had said. He had heard him cry at night. Fjodor held his hands before his face. He didn't know if he was embarrassed or relieved because of it.

Feeling restless he sat up on the futon. He felt pressured, because he knew Gogol expected him to go to the police. It was what he should do, what was objectively right. Fjodor closed his eyes. If there just wasn't that overwhelming fear of what would happen if he failed. If the police or the court wouldn't believe him. And the possibility was high. Against a lawyer.

His eyes wandered towards Nikolai and he wondered if the other one was really sleeping. Maybe he wasn't, if what he had said was true. 'I believe in you. But you need to belive in yourself too.' More like believe in justice or something. Or was Nikolai right and the outcome didn't matter. If failure wasn't an option, he would go to the police today, without a doubt. It was the fear that was holding him back.

It was shortly past six now. He wanted to call Dunja. He knew Nikolai's answer on what he should do now. He knew the answer almost everyone would give him. But Dunja would be in a similar situation. She also had an emotional perspective. But it was the day after her wedding, she would be very very shocked and it was only shortly after six.

As quietly as he could he snuck out of the room and sat down on the staircase in front of the door. The cool air of the morning calmed his mind a bit. The sun had already risen, but the light was still soft and milky. It was such a peaceful atmosphere. Then Nikolai knocked on the doorframe, to let Fjodor know he was there.

"Morning", the white haired boy said. "Came here to persuade me to do what's right again?" Nikolai sat down next to him. "That's how you see me?" - "Sorry." Fjodor averted his gaze. "What do you want to do tho?" Fjodor let his head sink to his knees. As if he knew that. "But you know that the police wants a testimony anyway, right?"

Shit. He was right. That meant, he either risked the truth or he had to lie. "Nikolai..." Fjodor didn't know what he wanted to say. If he wanted to say anything at all. Nikolai smiled at the helpless gesture and held out his hand. Very slowly, Fjodor reached out his own hand, hesitating, waiting. Nikolai didn't do anything, it was Fjodor's decision.

Like in slow motion Fjodor let his hand fall into Nikolai's. When their fingers intertwined, they looked at each other. A small spark of uneasiness glew in his stomach. They'd been there before. They had hugged, even kissed and now he failed at holding hands? Defiantly he clung tighter to Nikolai's hand as he closed his eyes. None of them said a word in those moments when Fjodor's breath slowly calmed down.

"Kolya..." Nikolai sighed in relief, finally he was back to that adorable nickname. "Will you come with me? Like, into the interrogation?" He blushed when Fjodor let his head sink onto Nikolai's shoulder. Softly Nikolai tucked a strand of black hair behind Fjodor's ear. The smaller guy flinched at first, but then leaned into the touch. "I don't know if they let me in there, but I'll do anything I can." Fjodor chuckled. "I just tell them I won't say anything if you're not there." - "You're crazy, you know that?"

"(And) I love you", they both said at the same time.