The Dirt (Mötley Crüe/Nirvana)(au)

Chapter Eight

Concert dates were scattered throughout 1993, but most of the shows took place from October through December. Again, he was given Christmas off, and he was able to spend it with his family. He and Tish had even managed to get Bean for Christmas. It was something they hoped for, and it actually happened only two days before Christmas. Courtney came back to get Bean only two days after Christmas.

Tish felt like Courtney was trying to keep Bean from Kurt more and more, and she figured it was truly wearing on the man. Kurt's mental state wasn't getting any better. Matter of fact, Tish knew that Kurt was using more than he use to, and that really worried her. Kurt needed to slow down, otherwise he'd accidentally kill himself, and that wasn't something she could handle.

From Christmas onward, Kurt was busy. He wasn't able to just sit and relax. He had a show almost every night, and Tish was really worried about him. If she knew anything, she knew his constant touring and being away from his family would really take a toll on his mental health. She just hoped that he would get time off soon.

He had managed to be home for Jesse's first birthday, but she was really worried that he'd have a show on Jesse's second birthday. The real sadness was that even if he didn't have a show set for the tenth of March, he was still going to be far away from home. At least, that's what she was being told. Tour dates weren't always set in stone, but for the moment, he had a show on the ninth and the eleventh, but both were in a different country.

After a few shows, Mötley Crüe realized that they couldn't go on with Corabi, so they stopped really doing any shows. The band was falling apart, and Tish was honestly sad about it. She couldn't help them in any way, and Mick was constantly busy trying to figure out a way to fix everything, as well as deal with his health. Mick didn't want to worry his daughter about anything though, so he tried to keep a good bit of the information to himself.

Mick knew that Tish was already dealing with a lot, considering she was raising Jesse almost completely alone since Kurt was constantly on the road. She didn't seem to mind, or if she did, she kept it all to herself. Tish was proud of her husband, and she didn't want him thinking that she resented the fact that he was always touring. She wanted him to live his best life, even if that meant she didn't get to see him often.

Mick and Tish lost contact for a bit, when Tish decided to finally quit her job and completely settle being a mother. She didn't want anyone to think less of her, especially when it came to being a mother. Besides, she was tired of the misogynistic boss she had that always wanted her to dress "like a lady," but his definition was different from hers. He always wanted her to have her tits out and to wear tight pants. She dealt with it for far to long, and she was tired of it.

Kurt supported her decision, or course, and he offered to beat the man up if she wanted him to. Obviously, she didn't, but she loved that he had been so protective of her. She could only hope for someone as special as him, if she hadn't have gotten to love him and cherish him everyday like she did.

Tish was confused when Kurt came home at the beginning of March. He told her that he was taking time off of touring for her and Jesse, since he missed them so much. She believed him of course, since he was her husband, and she believed he'd never lie. Unbeknownst to her, he was looking into rehabilitation centers to try and find a place that would help him get clean. He wanted to be clean for his son, his daughter, and his wife. He wanted them to be proud of him.

Tish spent as much time with him as possible. She felt like he was going to be gone at any moment touring again, and she didn't want to waste her time with him. Jesse had become rather clingy with Kurt, too, and Tish had found the encounter rather adorable. She hoped that Jesse's love for his father would always be there, even when Kurt was away for long periods of time touring or recording a new album.

"You haven't gone outside all day." Tish commented, when she observed that he hadn't left to take a hit in hours.

"I'm trying to stop being so heavy on this shit." He replied, and she smiled.

She knew it wasn't easy, but she had done it, and she hoped that he could, too. Jesse deserved to have both his parents clean, but if Kurt couldn't handle it, Tish would support him either way. She loved him, and she wasn't going to change him for the world. Drugs or no drugs, she loved him regardless. He was the love of her life afterall.

"I know you can do it," She encouraged,"I love you, and I'll be by your side the entire time." She added, and he slightly smiled as well.

He didn't tell her about the rehab, he just wanted her to believe that he was going to get clean on his own. He didn't need some shrink to help him through withdrawal. She didn't need it, and he wanted to prove that he was just as capable. He didn't want to look weak or incompetent compared to her.

She, Jesse, and Bean were his world, and he'd do anything for them. Getting clean was one of the main things he wanted to prove that he could do. The real problem was, he wasn't sure how well he would cope, or how his mind would do him once he started to live a life without drugs. His mind was already harsh to him, without something to numb the pain, he'd most likely drown in it all...