Caught in a Landslide (ft. Harry Styles)

Morning

Morning came too fast. It was 6:30am when my alarm sounded. I stumbled to the bathroom, used the toilet, brushed my teeth, washed my face, then I grabbed an old Battle of the Bands tshirt and yoga pants, put them on, pulled my hair into a bun and left the room.

Alexander was asleep on the couch, so I quietly gathered the laundry to start a load. With the coffee maker turned on, I pulled out my yoga mat to do some meditation. "Namaste," I breathed slowly.

Of course, the thoughts returned. Those dreams last night, the kiss we shared, the brightness in his eyes, and, damn, his smile.

I finished a few more poses before I heard two little voices, followed by feet running across the tiled hallway. "Mommy!" Lennon shouted.

I gave him a giant hug and suggested he used the potty then work on his schoolwork while I started breakfast. Bas was a little less enthusiastic in the morning, so I reached out and squeezed the little guy. I carried him to the other bathroom so he could go. Lennon, Bas and I met back in the kitchen and I started on breakfast.

Lennon picked out a workbook and sat down at the table to begin. Bas asked if he could color, so Lennon chose a Ninja Turtle coloring book and box of Crayola crayons for him. They asked for French toast, of course, I obliged.

Thirty minutes later, we had a feast of scrambled eggs, French toast and sausage on the table. I walked to the living room to wake Alexander. He grumbled before opening his eyes. "What time is it?" he asked in a hoarse morning voice.

"It's about 8," I answered. "I made a huge breakfast - please go eat some."

He sat up, shook his head yes, rubbed his eyes and walked to the bathroom. "Thank you," he said as he closed the door.

Through all of this and the years, we were able to maintain a friendship and stay in good standing with one another. I loved him, but I yearned for the fire - the passion we once felt.

I returned to the kitchen and found the boys reading a book together. I smiled and started cleaning up their mess from the table and floor. I sighed as my thoughts drifted, there were times I missed our little dog...I had had him since he was a puppy but having a dog was not conducive to apartment living and our new life in New York City. My sister took him in and he loved all the attention.

Our lives were so different just a year ago. We lived in a small house, in the suburbs outside of a small city. Alexander and I never felt like we belonged there, but we had chosen it because it was near our families.

The boys turned on the TV in the playroom. The host of the Disney channel was interviewing a young musician who talked about life before fame and the fact that she was nominated for an award. The host then turned to the camera and said they were going to make the official announcement of nominees for Best Pop/Rock Album. 5SOS, Little Mix, Becky G and One Direction pictures flashed across the screen. My heart skipped a beat when I saw their picture....I hung out with those guys last night, I thought as I left the room.

Alexander finished his plate of food and started telling me about his new song and I loaded the dishwasher. He told me about the lyrics and how he & his producer, Jesse, had come up with the perfect music to go with it. I smiled, listened and asked simple questions, but inside I was thinking about Harry. I wanted to go to dinner with him - even if he thought it was a date. Or even if it was a date.

"Want to hear the acoustic version?" Alexander asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Sure," I replied.

"Great, I will go grab my guitar," he said walking into the other room.

I picked up my phone to reply to Harry.

Me: Dinner sounds great. Any idea of where?

I pressed send and set my phone down.

Alexander walked back into the kitchen- guitar in hand. He sat down on a bar stool and smoothed his black hair with his empty hand. I could tell something was bothering him.

"Everything ok?" I asked.

"Soph, I saw the pic Harry posted on Twitter last night," he sighed. "You slept in his car?"

I laughed nervously. "No, we left the club in a car and I just leaned my head back to rest - with my eyes closed."

Alexander looked at his fingers.

"He took it before I knew what had happened," I continued. "Plus I had no idea he had posted it."

"What if our families see it?" he asked.

I looked at my feet. We hadn't told anyone of our marital issues before we left.

"Well, we are adults. If anyone asks, I will tell the truth," I stated.

He looked toward the playroom thoughtfully and said, "please, just be careful."

He started playing his new song about love gone wrong - go figure. He always had a darker side when writing. I used to tease him constantly about him needing to write more upbeat, positive songs. The groove of this one was good, it was a story of unrequited love.

Again, my mind wandered. This thing - whatever it was - with Harry just couldn't go anywhere, but I was curious and excited. The song ended and Alexander stared at me waiting for my critique.

"It's really good," I told him. "I'm excited to hear the recording."

He grinned, "I know, I know, it's not a happy song.."

"Maybe one of these days," I laughed. We both looked at my phone as it buzzed.

"It's Harry, isn't it?" Alexander asked. "Does he know you're married?"

I couldn't look at him. He got up and walked out of the room taking my silence as the answer.

My conscience wouldn't let me read the message right away, so I finished cleaning the kitchen and moved the laundry from the washer to dryer. I heard Alexander saying goodbye to the boys. I walked into the playroom and found him kissing their heads. I could tell that he had tears in his eyes, so I reached over and hugged him.

"This isn't about you- it's not your fault, remember?" I assured him.

He nodded, removing himself from my grip, picked up his guitar case and walked out the door.

I sighed and looked at my phone.