She's In Love With A Geek

Chapter 56 - The Queen Doesn't Care

COURTNEY's POV

"This is useless." I groaned, throwing the beauty blender onto my dresser. I'd been trying to cover my puffy eyes with the best of the best concealer ever created, for god knows how long now. But no matter how hard I tried, the bags under my eyes refused to disappear. I couldn't hide the ultimate sign that I had been crying all night--no, all weekend!

It was obvious.

Covering it up doesn't even work.

In fact, nothing seemed to work in my life now and I was starting to get really really frustrated.

I had thought about using this as an excuse to skip school. Look at me, I was a total and freakin mess! I had dark circles under my eyes and they were red and puffy from all the nights of crying. I was so exhausted from worrying and trying to figure out what to do.

But it's done.

There's nothing else I can do.

Well, there's actually something else I can do, put all this pent up energy into my studies and get through senior year with acceptable grades. With this, I can say that I actually achieve something great in my life.

Right?

Yeah. I sighed, resigned to the fact that I would have to face the day looking like crap to achieve something. I grabbed my sunglasses and put them on, hoping the tinted lenses would hide the bags under my eyes and my tiredness. And if the teachers would have a problem with me wearing these in class, I was willing to take the risk. I was too knackered to care about the consequences anyway.

At this point, I just don't care anymore.

That's probably the good thing about hitting rock bottom. There's nowhere to go but up. I'm not trying to be optimistic, not at all. I'm just sick of fighting for something I can't control and... to care in general. Honestly, I'm done pretending everything is okay when it's not. I'm done trying to be positive when all I feel is dejection.

Right now, I feel like my situation couldn't get any worse no matter what I do. I'm at the bottom, surely this is the worst it can get.

Taking a look at myself in the mirror, I asked myself "Right?"

Weekend rolled in excruciatingly slow and fast at the same time. If that makes any sense at all. Time stood still when I was crying, reflecting, watching sappy love stories that don't even happen in real life, sulking, and repeat. The next thing I knew, it was Monday already--making things worse.

After that confrontation with Chad, I felt like I had nothing to look forward to and nothing to be excited about. The problem was, I didn't have a plan B in store. By writing the letter and explaining my side of the story, I thought it would be enough. And I did say it would be my last resort.

Honestly, I was kinda hopeful and too optimistic that those things would be enough for him to forgive me and everything would be back to normal again.

Yeah, I was that pathetic and delusional. I thought Chad would be his forgiving self again, forget all the hurtful things I said to him, and we'd just continue where we left off. But no, none of that happened.

He was hurt.

He was tired.

He has given his all already.

He had enough.

And I wouldn't blame him. My speech and act were so convincing, I even believed my own words. Unfortunately, my stupid letter, explanation, and confession of love wasn't enough to fix everything.