She's In Love With A Geek

Chapter 32 - Happy Birthday

COURTNEY'S POV

I celebrated my birthday quite earlier this year, and invited everyone in the school.

Why?

An excuse to have a moment with Chad.

Pathetic? Pitiful?

I don't care.

The old Courtney might be writhing in pure disgust and worried about her social status by now, and how this would affect her popularity and the race for prom queen.

But then, the old Courtney Collins was shallow, cold hearted, and narcissistic--only thinks about herself and her popularity.

And now, this Courtney is chasing a guy who doesn't even like her. Burning the midnight oil just so he could grant her wishes. Changed herself just to get his attention.

Did I really change for him, or was that my real self?

It was so easy when I was around him. I didn't have to pretend. I could be cranky, foolish, say whatever I want to say, do what I want to do, dress however I want without thinking about what others would think--if it was on the trend or not. He could even see right through me whenever I lie to him or being pretentious. He could tell.

Maybe that's why it was so hard when he became so distant. I wasn't so sure who the real me now, the old or the new. Did I really just create this type of Courtney for him? For him to desperately like me back?

I left right after I requested Chad to come to my party. I didn't let him respond, I fear that he might reject my request, or worse, tell straight to my face that we should stop whatever deal we had, and forget everything. For us to go on with our lives and forget what happened.

That he didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

I was trying so hard to appear so brave in front of him, but deep inside I was having mix emotions--happy and sad at the same time. Happy to see him, but sad that I can't even have a proper conversation with him anymore.

I wanted to yell at him, ask him what I did wrong for him to act so distant and ignore me. That was the first time I saw him this week. Though I won't consider the stolen glances at the cafeteria as actually seeing him, and not to mention the Biology class that we shared. I was so hopeful he would sit next to me at the lab, like how we used to, but he went in front instead. Purposely? I think so.

I desperately want to ask why he was ignoring me. That all of a sudden he was so distant and I was always wondering what I did so wrong for him to act that way?

But what right do I have to do this to him? It's not like he was obligated to talk to me all the time, make me happy, demand for his attention and time.

No, it's not like I have that kind of position to his life.

I was just Courtney Collins.

The shallow girl who demanded the exams papers because she was failing, the proud girl who expects him to abide to her wills, the conceited girl who thinks he should like her because she is pretty, rich, and popular, the arrogant girl who thinks she can make him fall in love with her.

The foolish girl who made a bet and played the dangerous game, only to find out that she has lost.

And he knows.

"Or worse, he sensed that maybe you liked him all along and breaking up with your boyfriend proved it, but he couldn't reciprocate your feelings for him that's why he's avoiding you and being distant."

I think Terry is right. The reason he was so distant was because he knew I like him a lot and he didn't have it in him to reject me. That's why he was keeping his distance.