Insecurities

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We have to get married tomorrow princess.
He said so casually. I looked at him with my eyes wide open , not finding any words to say . It's really happening!!

I hate to say this , but we have to go for a simple court marriage.

I can't help but feel dissapointed . I never thought my marriage would be a court marriage.

I know it's nothing like your dream marriage , but trust me . We have to . It's not safe, but it's only for a matter of time , i promise.
He explained taking my cold numb hand into his warm one. I looked at his dark eyes and couldn't help but drown into them.

It's fine. I get it.
I replied smiling at him. Well i guess things like this happens if you are getting to marry a mafia leader. Like compromising even if it's about your marriage .

What about your parents? Are they coming?
I questioned him . He smiled while kissing my palm. I couldn't help the blush rushing at my cheeks like a bullet and the butterflies down at my stomach fluttering like there's no tomorrow.

No, it will be a surprise for them.

He answered, caressing my hands. Not finding any words to say , i just hummed in response , eating the pasta in front of me that we ordered.

You look stunning.
He suddenly blurted out of the blue making me want to run away as i can't help the squeal threatening to come out. How on the earth do i look stunning. I'm just wearing simple dress. I feel my cheeks getting red like tomato as he looked at me so intensely. I don't get it how can someone look so calm and collected.

Umm, thank you. I guess.
I replied looking down insecure under his gaze .

You look beautiful in every way , but why do you feel so insecure?
He inquired while holding my chin so tenderly with his fingers to make me look up at his face. It's funny how he thinks that I look beautiful when i am not.

I remember those days when i looked at the mirror thinking will i ever be enough. Those days when i used to cry silently in my room at night trying really hard not to wake my parents sleeping in the next room with my sobs as i don't want them to know that their only princess is not confident enough to look at the mirror without feeling pathetic. Those days when students at my school made fun of me, making me vulnerable and insecure . But i learned to hide my pain.

After my parents death . I was left all alone . I had no choice but to make myself stronger and accept myself for really who i am , to make people stop thinking that they can walk on me like a used gum . But even after all these years , there are still nights that i cry myself to sleep. People just fail to understand that we are just humans and we make mistakes. Even if we try really hard not to.

I saw him staring at me waiting for me to answer while my head is full of words to tell him, but my mouth seems to disagree . Words just won't come out. But maybe it's for the best that he doesn't know that i don't think i am beautiful at all.

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After we finished our food. We exited and drove towards my apartment . I can't believe that i will no longer live there . The whole time during our way to my apartment. Jungkook held my hand as he drove and well to be honest i found myself liking it.

As we reached my apartment . Jungkook turned to look at me while my hand was still in his.

Don't worry too much, i promise everything will be alright.

I nod my head at him, but how can i not worry. I'm getting married tomorrow . It's normal, right? He opened door for me and held out his hand like always , and this time i took it with hesitating which made him smile ear to ear , i can't help but giggle.
His bunny smile.

Once we reached my front door i said,

Thank you for last night and today.

While i tiptoed to kiss him on the cheeks , catching him completely off gaurd . I smiled at his slightly opened mouth, laughing as i entered in my apartment . Leaving him behind.

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Laying at my bed staring at the moon through the window . I couldn't help but think about him. A sigh escaped from my lips as i slowly submitted to sleep with one thought in my mind.

I'm giving him and this marriage a chance. Besides, i also deserve to be love , right?

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