Behind Every Man (COMPLETED)

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Fuck my doctor.

Seriously, fuck her for not respecting my wishes back then.

"Are you sure?" I asked once again.

"Yes, Nadia," muli niyang sabi sa akin. "You did take the pregnancy test. We did blood work. You are pregnant."

Fuck.

Fuck.

My mind was just screaming fuck.

Naramdaman ko iyong panlalamig ng buong katawan ko kahit na alam ko naman na bago pa ako pumunta rito na buntis ako. This is my body. Of course I'd know if something's different about it. Lagi akong pagod. Lagi akong inaantok. That wasn't my normal. At alam ko na nagtataka na rin si Archie if not for the negative pregnancy test results that I kept on giving him.

"How do you want to proceed?" she asked me.

"Terminate," I replied like it was a reflex.

"Do you want to discuss this with your husband first?"

"No."

Natigilan siya sa tono ng boses ko. I briefly closed my eyes and took deep breaths. I felt like suffocating. The term's about to end. It's been great, if I may say so myself. Archie performed better than expected—of course with a lot of help from my end dahil saan ba manggagaling lahat ng suportang nakukuha niya? But that's not important now. I needed to decide if we're running for senate or congress. I knew that the next time I see Abuela, I'd need to give her an answer.

This pregnancy's not wanted now more than ever.

I needed to keep my eyes on the prize.

Presidency—that's always been the end game for me. It's my end all be all.

My doctor advised me to talk to a therapist first kung ayaw kong kausapin si Archie. Seriously, what's wrong with this country? Kung ayaw kong magbuntis, why do they make it their business? My body, my rules. I hated explaining myself for something that should be my own decision.

I could hardly concentrate on anything. Gusto ko nang umuwi, pero ayokong makita si Archie. Gusto ko ring pumunta sa Tagaytay, but I needed to be in Manila dahil baka may biglang kailangan akong gawin.

Maybe I should just go to a hotel.

Right.

Sasabihin ko na lang kay Archie na may kailangan akong gawin sa probinsya o kung anuman. I really just couldn't be around him. He always looks at me like he knew that I was hiding something and I could not lie right now. I was not in the right headspace.

I headed straight to Manila Pen. I was wearing a pair of sunglasses that almost covered my whole face. Wala ako sa mood makipagusap sa kahit na sino ngayon.

"Thank you," I said when the keycard was given to me.

I stayed in the hotel bar first habang chine-check pa ng security ko iyong kwarto. I sat on the farthest end, hoping that it's clue enough na wala ako sa mood makipagsocialize... but of course, someone still sat by my side and tried to have a conversation with me.

Sometimes, some people are just too oblivious.

But I have mastered the art of faking having interest kaya naman nakipagusap ako sa kanya. I almost sighed in relief nang maka-receive ako ng message mula sa security ko na pwede na akong pumunta sa kwarto.

Diretso akong naglakad papunta sa elevator. While inside, I crafted a message to Archie saying that I needed to attend a meeting outside Manila and that I'd just see him tomorrow since the drive's long. Paglabas ng elevator, sinend ko iyon sa kanya. How badly I wanted to put my phone on do not disturb, but my brain wouldn't let me dahil baka biglang may emergency at bigla akong kailanganin.