Secret Confessions (Book 1)

Alastor

~ Okay, okay. I've heard your pleas and shall allow this chapter to be a fluff one. Just know that I love you guys! ~

~~~~~~~~~

"BECAUSE IT'S YOU, ANTHONY!" The scream of rage rips from my throat before I can stop it."Don't you see? It has always been you. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be asexual? To be terrified of developing sudden romantic feelings for someone you met a mere two weeks prior? To be utterly disgusted with the mere thought of anything sexual until I met you? That envisioning you in such a way makes me want you so bad, I almost black out? Do you even grasp the difficulty and dangers at discovering that you're gay in a day and age that would snuff your life out for simply thinking about a man in the same way you would a woman? Now just imagine the mortification building after discovering that you're gay, with new developing feelings, and being bombarded by your Mother to find a girl and settle down when all you want to do, is your talk show, plant a rose garden, and kill the putrid scum of the earth. You did this to me. You, Anthony. Your sweet smile, big heart, and infectious laughter ruined me. I was just fine on my own. I was content to roam New Orleans single and never settle down, until you came along and destroyed that hope. You took my heart and soul and wove your entire being around them. Not a day passes in this rotten Hell hole without thinking of you. Even when I regained my memories five years ago, all I could think about was you. Every second of every day, I am a complete slave to you. It excites and horrifies me."

"Ya think I had it easy, jackass?" Angel closes the distance between us and shoves a gloved finger in my face, hand trembling with anger. "I knew how dangerous it was ta be gay when we were alive. But ya were able to figure that out on yer own. Ta slowly come ta terms with it and hide yer sexuality without much trouble. Me? I didn't have that luxury. I was in da God damn mafia! Ta be gay in da mafia is basically a fuckin' death sentence! I had zero time ta deal with it or figure my shit out. The best friend I had at the time - Alex Rysri - outed me in front of da family. I was thrown out on da streets fer three weeks ta fend fer myself before Pops brought me back, saying ta keep my disgustin' perversion ta myself and accept a marriage proposal he had set up in da upcoming months. Ya think ya had it bad? Try bein' a mob boss's son. Da pride and joy ta da Don, and havin' ta keep yer shameful secret as ta not tarnish da family name! Ya don't know of hardship! YA DON'T KNOW SHIT 'BOUT PAIN!!!"

My traitorous heart jumps at his pained words and I resist the urge to hold him. "Anthony..."

"I didn't ask fer ya ta fall fer me! I fell head over heels fer ya, Al. I never once forced ya ta feel those feelings. I- I didn't ask fer this." Angel hiccups and rubs at his bloodshot eyes.

"That's why your father shot me..." I trail off, talking more to myself than anything. It makes sense now. Hearing Anthony's side of the story, everything clicks into place.

Being raised the way I did, I was taught by Mother to always ask the father for permission to marry their daughter, in this case, son. I should've seen the warning signs.

The sudden invite shortly after approaching his father, intending to ask his permission for Anthony's hand when he asked if I wanted to tag along with him and Georgie on a late night hunting trip. The sideways glances I received on the way to the destination. The signs are so obvious now.

I wasn't able to ask his father. After arriving, the barrel of a gun was shoved in my face. A loud bang. Searing pain. And I wake up falling head first, looking up at a glowing pentagram and a crimson sky.

"When Pops came home without ya and holdin' yer pistol, I came ta that grizzly conclusion. I barricaded myself in my room fer weeks. Not having' da strength ta leave da bed. Came ta find out that is was Alex who ratted on me, givin' away who it was that I was secretly seein'."

"Me." I reply softly, voice skipping with static at the revelation.

"But I got that motherfucka' in da end." Angel hisses, eyes flashing dangerously. "Lured him into da woods with da news that dear Pops wanted ta promote him fer comin' ta him with important information. Took one look around ta see it was jus' us, put da pieces togetha', and started beggin' fer his pathetic life. I didn't care, my emotions were gone. I was numb ta everything. So I shot him in da legs first ta watch him bleed out. Then, as da life started ta drain from that fuckers eyes, I pumped da bastard with round after round of lead. His betrayal cut deep and I swore up and down I'd never let my guard down again. Until the day, I met ya in da lobby of da hotel. Cheesy wide smile and singin' about helpin' and shit. I knew then that I'd hafta try ta keep my distance from ya. But look how well that turned out."

Angel's story of revenge has warmth spreading throughout my body and my smile getting impossibly wider.

He sought out vengeance for the both of us, and that brings me immense satisfaction.

"Shame I wasn't there, darling. I'm sure it would've been pure entertainment." I praise, daring to reach up and cup his cheek again.

"It was pretty fuckin' satisfyin'." Angel gives a small smile and I use a thumb to wipe away a stray tear.

"I love you so much, Anthony. My nature doesn't allow me to change. To halt in my pursuit of power. But for you... I shall try. There is no garuntee it will work."

A chuckle escapes Angel as he fists the front of my suit and brings me forward to press a gentle kiss to my lips before pulling away.

"That's all I ask, Albert."