Sunflower Book:1

Chapter 3- Anxiety

I stared down the hall with a pit of anxiety swelling in my chest painfully. I took a deep breath calming myself thinking of things i could see, touch and smell. Sara put her soft hand on my back curiously with lily on her side.

"rylie? are you alright?" she asked, looking me up and down. I didn't want to tell her anything, as bad as that sounded with her being one of my best friends. I didn't want her to worry and cause more issues in her chaotic drama life between her and codas drama, I was one who didn't need to give her anymore worries. I wanted to do only good things for her. It goes both ways my mom always told me but i couldn't help it. I always worried about upsetting people and bothering people. It was a part or symptom of the anxiety according to my several therapists.

"Yeah, i'm okay i just was getting a little overwhelmed, i'm going to run to the bathroom OK?" i smiled falsely hoping for her to buy every word. She studied me for a moment before lily pipped up and for once it did some good.

"let us know if we can do anything for you." she smiled with a weird look in her eyes. I nodded in response not wanting to give Sara anymore ammo for her curiosities. I walked to the bathroom with my vision starting to begin to blur. I got into the bigger stall shutting the door quietly. I breathed deeply and stopped when i heard a group of girls come in chatting at the mirrors and applying makeup, refreshing their work from the morning.

"Guys, i hate to say it but rylie looks a little better than last year, she lost some weight." one said. My chest and eyes swelled in pain.

"I agree, i dont understand what the fuck Sara is doing to herself by hanging onto to that old rag of a friend, i would have seriously dropped her back in 8th grade when she was nothing but legs." one sighed smacking her lips afterwards. I froze by the cruel words and felt my stomach drop. People really thought that of me?

"Yeah she is just so plain looking, and odd to, did you hear that she dances in those sunflower fields on wilderness road, coda told me that Jake was showing them videos of it, like what psycho goes back there into those roads and Fields by themselves?" a crack in the stall made it to where i could see the 3 girls, Emma, Isla and....Lily. Lily looked at Isla who was a short foreign exchange student from Korea, she was pretty and i always really liked her and got along with her. I felt tears sting my eyes. Emma smiled at the mirror and fixed her long black hair satisfied with the look. Lily's comments made me absolutely sick and i wondered if Sara knew just how lily felt.

"Coda told you that?" isla asked cringing a bit.

"yeah, he sure did, she's weird guys and also i think Sara is right, she told me that rylie is in the closet still, did you see the way that her and that new girl ryan eye fucked each other in the hall this morning?" Lily asked. No no no, there is no way that my thoughts and fears were actually coming true right now. I needed to stay away from ryan, people already thought there was something going on between us. What if Jake found out? And why the hell did Sara say that shit to lily? My heart fell into a little sack of nothing into my stomach. I felt my breathing increase and tears finally slipped from my eyes. Once the three girls left the bathroom a sharp, quiet sob left my lips. I walked to the sink and fixed my face trying to calm down before class. Lily darted back into the bathroom and looked at me with wide eyes.

"I thought you were in the bathroom at the east side of the building?" she said numbly. I glared at her not saying a word and left the bathroom numb and emotionless to not show fear or sadness they would win if i did that. I didn't say a word to her, i didn't trust myself lily was supposed to be a friend and was far from that now. I walked right past Emma and isla, they were waiting for lily who forgot her makeup bag on the sink in the bathroom. Their faces dropped once i left the bathroom. Sara looked at me curiously from her locker and darted to me grabbing my arm. I yanked it away not saying a word and headed to art class, i needed to decompress and art was the perfect class for that.