Let me Love You

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My heart was pounding and I was so scared this would'nt work. It was the next night and I had told Mason I would meet him at Connor's place. Connor would'nt be there because he was working late. I felt my hands shaking around the steering wheel. I could'nt do this. I had to though. For Holten. 

When I got to his house, I took a deep breath and got out of the car. I rang the door bell and when he opened it, I froze. I felt my anger grow back, the hatred. He ruined my Holten and I was going to destroy him. 

He was just in a pair of jeans. 

"Hey sexy" He flirted. Hmm. I wonder if he plans on playing his game with me or just fucking. I grinned at him. Let the games begin. 

I stepped in the house and he turned to head upstairs. I grabbed his arm and pulled him against me. He smirked before pushing me against the wall. He grinded against me and I faked a moan. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist. His lips attacked my neck and I felt him walking upstairs. He dropped me on Connor's bed. Do they sleep in the same bed? So I asked him.

"Yeah, he does'nt have another bed." He said before crawling on top of me. Theres always the couch though. 

I jumped when I felt his hand grip my member. How did he even get in my pants without me noticing! He pumped me and I tried to push him off of me but he would'nt move. I could'nt have sex with him, that wasnt part of the plan!

I sighed in relief when he took his back. Instead he started to take my pants off. I took him by suprise and flipped us over. I straddled him and grinned down at him. 

"Are you playing your game with me or are we just fucking?" 

"We are just fucking Ryder or least we should be" He flipped us back over and managed to get my pants off. I moaned when he wrapped his mouth around my member. Shit, no I cant let him get control of me. You love Holten, Ryder....wait I love Holten. Holy fuck. I love Holten. 

I moaned again when his tongue flicked across my tip. Come on, Ryder. We arnt losing Holten over this. 

"Let me" I told him. He stood on his knees and took his pants off. I gulped. How was I supposed to do this? ..Got it.

"Mason, im scared. What if Holten finds out?" 

"He wont. I promise"

"How can you be sure?"

"Look, this stays between the two of us. You dont tell anyone, I dont tell anyone."

"But I already feel guilty"

"I know but I know you want me. So just push the guilt away. It gets easier"

"You seem like you know the feeling"

He flinched, "Yeah, I do"

"Did you really love Holten?"

He scoffed, "No"

"You loved someone. I can see it in your eyes.....Its Connor isnt it?" Panic flashed through his eyes.

"No. Connors my best friend and besides love isnt real. So can we please stop talking already?"

I smirked. "No. You dont want Connor to find out you have feelings for him or that you want to sleep with me without playing the game. You use the game to have sex without having feelings for someone. You told me this wasnt a game. You really want me. The only problem is you've already kissed me and blown me. What happens when I tell Connor? You and I both know Connor has some real feelings for me. It'll kill him that his best friend did that to him and you cant lose him. I know you cant"

He looked at me with pleading eyes. "Please don't tell Connor. If he finds out I love him, I'll lose him forever. He thinks Im not capable of a real relationship"

"Have you given him reason to believe you could?"

"No but I've loved Connor since we were teens. Hes never looked at me the same way and he never will!"

"I wont tell him, if you leave Holten and I alone"

"Connor really does care about you and he will wonder why I suddenly called of the game"

"I dont care. I wont have a problem telling him"

"What happens when Holten finds out what you did? You let me touch you" 

"If I lose him, then at least he can live his life without you bothering him" 

"You love him. Fine. I'll leave you guys alone as long as you keep your mouth shut around Connor" 

"Deal" I said before getting up and dressed. 

"You should tell him how you feel" I muttered before leaving. What have I done? I shouldnt have let him touch me. 

Holtens Pov 

I was at home pacing in my room.  I heard footsteps and I opened my door. I sighed in relief when I saw Ryder. He jumped in my arms and hugged him back hard. 

I set him down. "What happened?"

He grabbed my hand and walked to my bed. We sat down. He grabbed my hands and faced me. He then told me everything. 

"But you didnt know he was going to touch you baby. You just said he caught you by surprise both times and I know the kiss didnt mean anything"

"You dont hate me?" 

"Ryder, I trust you and if what you tell me is true. You didnt want him to do those things. You hadnt planned on them happening. I know that. It wasnt part of the plan but we both knew something like it would probably happen in order to get the information out of him. We both agreed on it. I knew what I was agreeing on. Dont be so hard on yourself"

He pressed his lips to mine. "Hes gonna leave us alone. He loves Connor and he doesnt want him to find out" He said. I still saw the guilty look in his eyes. I grabbed his hand and drug him out of the room. 

"Where are we going?" 

"You'll see" I drove us to the place we skipped school at one day. 

"Why are we here again?" I got out of the car and he followed. I walked up to him. I saw tears in his eyes.

"You're gonna stop seeing me arnt you?"

"No baby. Please dont cry." I grabbed his face with both of my hands and looked into his pretty eyes. 

"Ryder"

"I love you" we said in unison. I smiled softly. 

"I realised I did tonight even though I already knew I did. I cant lose you Holten" He said before letting the tears fall. I pulled him into me and we both slid to the ground. 

"Ryder, I love you. Im not mad at you. Please stop feeling guilty. I know you love me and only me. I never thought I'd feel so alive. I never thought I'd feel this way. I thought I loved Mason but the way I feel with you is like nothing Ive ever felt and those feelings will never change. Everything will be okay" 

Once he stopped crying, he looked up at me. "Let me make love to you" he whispered. I nodded and pressed my lips to his softly. I'd do anything to make him stop feeling horrible. It was just as much as my fault as it was his. We both came up with the plan and agreed on it. 

He pushed me down so my back was lying on the grass. 

I shivered as his hands went underneath my shirt. I leaned up so he could take it off. I felt my stomach doing flips. I hadnt made love with someone before. I thought I did with Mason but it was a one sided thing. I vowed to never let it happen again but Ryder found his way into my heart and Im glad he did. 

We stayed out there all night. It was slow, sweet, and loving. I told him I loved him when I came. 

"I love you too Holten, so much" He said before finishing and I kissed his lips. Things were going to get better and we could finally be together and happy. 

Or can they? I wanted to write a more detailed sexy scene but I couldnt for some reason. Ehh sue me. SO what are youre thoughts?

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