Love Me Like You Mean It

Chapter 26

Sid's POV

You ever think about your future? Who's going to be apart of it? What kind of person you'll become? I always wonder what might happen. I didn't expect being bullied and leaving my home. I never thought I would end up living with grandma and grandpa. Hell, I never expected I get married at this age. As much as I love Drew, is this the right thing to do? I mean I did just meet this guy like a year ago. I wish I had an answer.

I glanced out the window as grandma rambled on about the wedding that was happening next week. Her helpers looked scared as my grandma ranted about how perfect this wedding needed to be. Frankly, I'm not into the whole big wedding fiasco. I prefer a small, intimate wedding where I can just have my focus on my dream man. This big wedding is going to turn me into a nervous nutjob. I fiddled with my fingers as I thought more about the future.

Would we have kids?

Two girls and one boy maybe?

I smiled fondly at that. I always did love a big family. The boy would protect his two little sisters from anyone who wanted to hurt them. I felt my heart sting a bit. Of course, my brother never once cared for me. What if my son did that to his sisters? I don't want them to go through what I went through. The pain, embarrassment and anger that I felt in that house because of my brother and Stark.

Of course, how could I forget the main one that tortured me?

My precious mate

I wonder if he would care that I was getting married. I mean we were once mates. But then again, he never found me attractive and even cared about me. Why the hell should that bastard care? Why should anyone from that pack give a damn about me and my happiness! I could feel the anger rising from my stomach. If I ever saw them again, I swear to god I will-

"Sid?"

I was cut off by my grandmother's voice. I jerked my head up and met her concerned eyes. Her helpers looked at me in worry. Grandma placed her hand on my shoulder. I heard grandma instructing the ladies to leave. After the helpers left, the whole room was filled with silence.

"You alright?" she finally whispered. She took a seat next to me and waited for my response. I wasn't alright. I was pissed at the world. Why is everything is difficult for me? I shook my head and looked down.

I had a man who loved everything about me yet I can't seem to move on from the past. It's hard for me. I can't seem to forget what happened. I honestly didn't want Drew to be tangled in my problems. I mean he already has enough shit that he has to go through. I sighed deeply and leaned onto my grandma's shoulder.

"I don't know if I'm doing the right thing." I explained. I shut my eyes for a few seconds. A picture of my soon to be husband appeared. He was dressed in his wedding tux and he wore a bright smile on his face. I wanted that happiness but is Drew the right man for me?

"Do you not love Drew?" she asked quietly. I lifted my head off her shoulder and looked at her. I did love him but I don't know if he's the one.

"No, I love him with all my heart." I answered in a clear tone. I narrowed my eyes and bit my lip. It's just complicated.

"I don't know if marriage is the right thing for me right now." I explained. I was still young and immature. I don't think its the right time for it.

"I don't know what to do grandma. I'm happy with the way things are right now. Drew as my boyfriend not my fiance. I still love him but I don't want to get married at this age." I said. Grandma placed her hand on top of mine. She had a small smile on her lips. I knew she would understand.

"I think you're hundred percent right. I think this is going way to fast. I understand why Drew is doing this though. He doesn't want to lose you like how he lost his mate." Grandma explained and I nodded.

"How am I suppose to tell him?" I asked sadly. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I honestly did love him.

"He'll understand Sid," she said calmly while she placed a lock of my hair behind my ear. "He loves you a lot so don't worry."

"Alright"

"Now I got to go check up on your grandpa. So don't worry so much and go talk to him." she said while getting up. I watched as she walked out of the room. I was left alone with my thoughts.

What should I do?

***

It's been two hours since the talk I had with grandma. Drew is supposed to come over today but he's stuck at work. I played with my phone as I thought about my speech. I practiced it over like fifty times.

"I love you Drew but we can't get married. We're too young for marriage. I just want to wait for a few years before we do this." I repeated the speech over and over until I was satisfied.

I was so lost in my own world that I didn't hear someone walk in. Derrick attacked me in a bear hug. I let out small shriek and pushed the idiot off me. He had this goofy look on his face that made laugh.

"You look like you're about to tell someone horrible news." Derrick said with a small laugh. I gawked at his statement and let out a nervous chuckle. How the hell did he know that? I hid my surprised reaction and fake laughed. Derrick raised his eyebrow at my horrible fake laughter.

"What's wrong Sid?"

I sighed and explained everything. I'm glad Derrick wasn't upset about the news. He seemed pretty understanding and supportive of my decision.

"I get that you think this is too early but maybe you should think about it. This is a pretty big decision." He informed.

He did have a point but I was a hundred percent sure that I wasn't ready. I still wanted to figure things out.

"You're right Derrick," I said and that's when a brilliant idea popped in my mind. Maybe I shouldn't decide so quickly on this.

"What if we took a break where you, me, Drew and Chad can go on a vacation for like three days?"

"That's a great idea!" Derrick cheered and gave me a huge hug.

I think this wedding is stressing me out. I don't want to lose Drew. I mean what if after I tell him, he decides he wants to break up? I can't risk that. All I know is that I needed a break from this and clear my head.

I need to figure out what I really wanted.

______

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