Amile The Queen

Chapter Eighty-Six

***Amile Gumede***

KaMhlaba refused to tell me what happened with Jama. In fact, he hasn’t breathed a word about it to anyone. We are all in the dark.
His baby mama, the one that I met all those months ago, she’s been here almost four times now. She’s pregnant again, almost double the size that I am, and she’s been causing scenes, looking for her man, and wanting to beat up Nambitha in the process.
Trust me when I say it’s been hectic.
Nambitha is attending therapy, she’s in a healing facility in Ramsgate, courtesy of the company she works for. I can’t really go and see her because I’m not allowed to be seen in public. Baba strictly said no to telling anyone about my pregnancy. All the staff had to sign an NDA, it’s a big deal. That’s why I don’t go outside.
I have a doctors appointment today,  I am officially seven months pregnant, and I can barely see or touch my toes.
I’m in the toilet getting ready, and before I can get in the bath, I need to shave my kitty kat. I haven’t seen it in over four months, and  I’m struggling. The last time I went to the doctor, I was embarrassed to let my gynaecologist see me in that state, I can’t let it happen again.
If I don’t finish now, we will run late. I don’t need that, otherwise we will sit there for hours, and this man will sit there being irritable and blame me for taking my time. It’s happened before, I don’t want it to happen again.
I can hear his footsteps walking towards the bathroom.
“Mkami, are you done yet?” I know he’s asking because I’ve been in here for almost an hour.
“No, not yet.”
“Can I come in?”
“Yes, you can come in.” I stood upright and waited for him to walk in.
He looks so smart. I jumped at the opportunity to help him change his wardrobe. His sense of dress wasn’t very appealing, I was just waiting for the right time, when he would ask me to help him dress himself.
“What’s taking so long?” I’m fully naked, staring at him.
Maybe I’m not as attractive as I was before. I have stretch marks on the sides of my belly, and my breasts are twice the size they usually are. Obviously he wouldn’t be attracted to me.
“I’m trying to shave but I can’t reach.”
“Must I help you?” he’s putting me on the spot.
I nodded, acting coy.
He put his hand out and I handed him the shaving blade. He unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt, folded the sleeves and came to kneel in front of my stomach.
This is weird, he’s touching me here, a place where he hasn’t touched me in a long time. I haven’t been touched in a long time, so much so that my body is reacting.
I’m trying to hold my breath as I feel his separating my folds. What is he trying to do? Is he trying to turn me on.
“Are you still okay there?” he asks looking at me.
I bobbed my head up and down. He chuckled and continued on his merry mission.
I can feel my body secreting fluids as he continues to brush his hand over my skittles. And I guess baby is enjoying this as much as I am because he starts kicking.
“Hello boy boy.” he says and kisses my stomach.
My heart melts.
“Dad is here, I can’t wait to meet you.” not the right moment to be doing this man.
Tears are welling up in my eyes. He knows I’m over emotional, he can’t be so sappy with his feelings, he’s going to make me cry.
“I’m done.” he said getting up.
I can’t believe I just had the whole kneeling for me. If people knew how much this man does for me, they’d really think I’m bewitching him.
“Thank you baba.”
He placed his hands on my stomach and our son started kicking.
“He can feel you, he never kicks for me.” I said looking at him.
“Amagazi ayatshelana mkami.” I rolled my eyes.
“I’m also his blood.” he laughed and kissed my pouted lips.
“Are you always this wet?” my throat dried up, and I felt my face heating up.
“Yes, all the time.” he would know that if he touched me like he’s supposed to.
He cupped my face and kissed me so passionately. He had me gasping for breath, in fact, he had me getting wetter than what he saw.
I miss him, I miss being with him. I can’t help but feel like he’s been so distant. He’s here in the house majority of the time, we sit together, we talk, but I always can’t help but feel like his mind is far from here.
It’s not even linked to the fact that we aren’t having sex; connecting on a deeper level doesn’t always involve sex, it just so happens to be the easiest way to do it.
The first time he told me he loves me was when we made love, and that same night we made our son. That is proof of the connection we have.
There surely is something on his mind, or something is eating up at him. I just haven’t taken the moment to process it, now that he’s here, kissing me, I feel it.
“Get ready Mkami, otherwise we’ll be late.” I was dumb to think that it would lead to something greater. We have somewhere to be.
I cast my eyes down, and I saw that he was turned on. Four months celibate is not a joke.
He gave me a final kiss on the cheek before he excused himself, and left me to take my shower.
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Mgabadeli, our trusted driver, is taking us to the doctor. Is it not insane that ever since I got my car, I have never driven it. Jama would drive me around in it if I had wanted to go out somewhere, but I ever since I was banned from going out, unless I was going to the doctor’s office, or with baba, I haven’t used my car. It’s very sad.
Vukani uses it for his driving lessons, the ones I still need to get. I make sure not to cross paths with him, even though we stay in the same house. I always make sure never to invade his space, especially after what happened the last time. I’m done trying to force my way into his life. He was right, he’s not my child, so are his siblings. The only child I have is the one in my stomach, and the one in heaven. I can never forget about Mfihlakalo.
We’ve arrived at the doctors office, and we have to use the private entrance to prevent anyone seeing my pregnant ass! I can’t lie, we’ve done a pretty good job at hiding this pregnancy, the press hasn’t said anything about my sudden disappearance.
We are right on time, so the doctor is waiting for us. I like my doctor, she’s a sweet lady, and she’s very gentle with me. She understands the delicacy of a pregnancy like mine. Being married doesn’t change the fact that this is a teenage pregnancy, and I was impregnated by a man who has genetic disease, anything is possible. I have to be monitored closely at all times.
“My favourite parents, please take a seat.” she’s an old white lady.
My mom, God bless her soul, referred us to her. She was the one who delivered my baby sister, the cutest baby ever. Now it won’t feel like she lost a daughter, she has another one. I was so happy for her.
“Mommy how are we feeling today?” she asked grabbing my file.
I looked at my husband, he was smiling.
“We are mellow today. We haven’t been mellow in a while.”
“And I can see you are smiling. And Dad, how are you?” baba laughed.
“I’m happy if my people are happy.”
“That’s good then, we can start. Let’s go see baby.”
I just remember how terrified the both of us were when we walked into this office for the first time. A lot of things were running around our minds, the fact that we didn’t know if his heart disease could be passed down to our son, to the fact that are we even ready to be parents.
We both really weren’t ready for what we found out that day. It was overwhelming, but there is nothing baba and I don’t talk through. We talked it out, and promised each other to walk this journey together. Just like all the journeys we’ve taken together. And he’s doing a stellar job, I just wish he could touch me. I need some loving!
He helped me sit on the little bed and sat comfortably on the seat next to it. That’s where he always sits, and he never forgets to hold my hand.
“We got the results from the foetal echocardiography, and we picked up that baby’s heart beat has an abnormal rhythm. It might not be arrihythmia, but to be one hundred percent sure, I’ve booked for a MRI scan tomorrow. Now, I’ll just do an ultrasound to check for baby’s movement, and maybe check for the gender.” I looked at baba.
He looked scared. I know that he blames himself for all of this, but it’s not his fault, just like how he was born with it, my baby might be born with it too. He can’t do anything to prevent it from happening.
I laid down on the table and lifted my dress. She then applied the cold gel on my abdomen and started the ultrasound.
The first thing that sounded in the whole room was the heartbeat. A big satisfactory smile was plastered on Dr Matthews’ face, and I knew that was good.
“You see, that is our little fighter.” baba shifted closer to stare at the screen.
“That is a healthy heartbeat right there. I think they are just happy to see their parents.”
The fear slowly subsided and tears welled up in my eyes as I continued to listen to the sweet sound of my baby’s heartbeat. It’s like music to my ears, something I could listen to for the rest of my life.
“Fully developed baby, look at the feet, and that’s baby’s head. We might need to put you under the knife is baby continues to grow like this.” he is pretty big.
Even my stomach is big, anyone who doesn’t know would think I’m on the 9th month, when I’m only on the 7th.
“And there is the gender, do you want to know?” I looked at baba.
“I know it’s a boy. What about you my love?” I turned my head to stare at the screen.
I’m trying my luck by staring at the screen, trying to figure out what it could be. I can’t see anything.
“Please tell us doctor.” she smiled.
“Congratulations, it’s a girl! Sorry to burst your bubble dad.” he can’t even hide the shock on his face.
I’m just as shocked as he is. I feel bad for calling my baby a boy this whole time when in fact, it’s been a princess.
“MaZulu, intombikayise.” he said placing his hand on my stomach.
“We are not naming my daughter Ntombikayise.” he laughed, so did Dr Matthews.
“Why not? She’s going to be a daddy’s girl.” he’s really good at hiding his disappointment.
Either way, I’m elated, I’m going to have a mini me, that’s more than enough to be excited about. I can’t wait to start buying clothes, and designing the nursery.
“Just to be safe, please come in tomorrow for the MRI. But I’m happy with today’s developments, she’s a healthy gal.” she wiped me down.
“Thank you so much doctor.”
“Continue taking your vitamins daily, and whatever else that you’ve been doing, it’s definitely working.”
I pulled down my dress and sat up.
“Is there anything you want to ask?” maybe she read my mind.
There is a question burning my chest, and I don’t know if I should ask it or not, I don’t want to make kaMhlaba uncomfortable, but dammit! I want to so badly.
Here goes nothing.
“Can we have sex?” I don’t even want to look at his face.
The fact that I said that with my chest, and feel no embarrassment after, says so much about the kind of person I have become.
“Oh yes, definitely! Go ahead, it speeds up labour, and helps with the labour pains too.”
“It won’t hurt the baby?” so that is what he was afraid of this whole time?
Why didn’t he ask? Jizas, he was waiting for me to ask to spare him the embarrassment.
“Never! I highly recommend you do it as much as possible.” she said, cracking a smile, trying to make it less awkward.
We are already an awkward couple, now for us to constantly be having awkward encounters doesn’t help. We make people uncomfortable very quickly.
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I’m sitting in my favourite chair, trying to reach for my legs so I can moisturize. It’s almost impossible to reach down, and baba is nowhere to be seen.
He’s been in his study since we came back. I understand that he had some petitions that he had to read from the citizens. There were so many of them. The villagers always bring in complaints, so Khaya was the one who sorted them out, and categorized them in order of importance, and how many people wanted the same thing. Khaya’s busy is over, he’s sorted them for him, now his job is read them. He’s lessened the job for him, but it’s still a lot.
I was so close to throwing the bottle of lotion across the room, but he walked in, and saw how red my face looked.
“Kwenzenjani?” I just let the tears roll.
“I can’t reach my legs.” he looked at me concerned.
“Why didn’t you call me, I was just downstairs.”
He came to sit on the foot stool in front of me, grabbed the lotion from my hands and held my hands.
“You need to calm down my love. You aren’t this alone angithi, I’m here. Whenever you need me to help you, call me. Whenever or wherever you are.” I nodded.
“Ungakhali.” he wiped my tears and kissed my pouted lips.
What would I be without this man? He started moisturizing my thighs and legs. He’s touching me again, and he’s going to evoke those feelings, and leave me hanging again.
“You took a shower without me?” it’s a thing we do.
We take showers together before bed, and we’ve been doing it for a long time. Things just changed recently. We haven’t taken a bedtime shower in ages, I can’t remember the last one we took together.
“I didn’t want to disturb you, Khaya showed me the petitions.” he sighed.
“I really don’t know what I have to do with missing goats and sheep. They have chiefs for a reason.” I laughed. He genuinely looks unimpressed.
“I’m so sorry you have to deal with all of that, but they are your people.” he shook his head, letting that small smile invade his frowning face.
I know he might not pretend to care, but deep down, he knows he’ll sit down and read all of them, because he does care about the well-being of his people. He can’t do much for the whole of KZN as the king, but he’s doing all he has the power to do for Zululand, his home. He’s an amazing king, his people love him, and he loves them back just as much.
When he was done with my legs and feet, he put them down and moved in to sit in between my thighs. I looked at him in the eyes, and he smiled.
“Ask whatever it is that you want to ask me.” am I that obvious?
I covered my faced as I felt my face heating up.
“Am I not attractive?” he frowned.
“Be honest baba.”
“This is the second time you are asking me this question my love, and my answer hasn’t changed. You are the only woman I see, the most beautiful one I have ever been with.” he gave me a small smile.
“I don’t want you asking me that question ever again.”
“So why won’t you make love with me?” it’s at moments like these where I wish I could control my tongue.
“Because I don’t want to hurt you.” I guess he can see the confusion on my face.
He rubs his face and sits as if he’s trying to comprehend a way to make me understand what he means when he says he doesn’t want to hurt me. The doctor already us that the baby won’t be hurt.
He held my hands and told me to look at him.
“I’m a dominant.” there isn’t much to work with there.
“You are going to have to elaborate baba.” this is really not the time to be embarrassed, it’s just the two of us here.
“I take control in bed. Being submitted to turns me on, and it gives me the need to take charge.” is that all.
I’ve heard of something like this, I’m not shocked. But it seems like he has more to say.
“How would that hurt me?” I asked because it seemed like he wasn’t willing to spit it out.
“I love kinks.” again, he’s going to have to elaborate.
“Bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism.” he looked at me straight in the eyes.
I don’t get it…
No way!
I’m speechless.
“Like Fifty Shades type of thing?” I asked, trying to pick up my jaw from the floor. I don’t want him to think I’m judging him.
“What is that?” great, he doesn’t know it.
“I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not a monster, but this is not something everyone likes. Maybe you may not like it the way that I do. That is why I don’t initiate it, I don’t want to lose control, it’s all that I know.” is that why he couldn’t get it up the first time we did it. I was initiating everything, from the kiss, to the last part.
This makes it make so much sense. I just don’t know how I feel about it.
“You don’t have to think about it. I can change, it’s just not going to be easy for me.”
I sighed.
“So you’re a freak?” I asked, still shocked.
“Yes, I am.” I love that he’s owning it.
Maybe I have to watch Fifty Shades all over again, just so I can learn a thing or two about being a submissive. It’s about to get very interesting.