Amile The Queen

Chapter Seventy-Eight

***Amile Gumede***

I woke up in his bed again this morning. Nothing is making any sense. We gave the ancestors what they wanted, why am I back to square one, fighting demons in my sleep and walking up in my husband’s bed, when I have my own?
I have just served him his breakfast, and he’s already eating. He’s awfully quiet today, he hasn’t said anything other than hello. I’m sitting across him watching him eat while I wait for Sis’ Melo to bring my porridge. I don’t feel like having an English breakfast today.
“Are you not eating?” he asked looking up at me.
“I am, I’m waiting for Sis’ Melo.” he nods and continues.
I have a burning question, but I can’t sus out his mood, so I don’t know if I should ask or not.
“Do you think maybe the ancestors want us to share a room?” he chuckled.
“I don’t know.” he shrugged his shoulders.
Easy for him to say, he is having peaceful nights.
“Did you call Shlobo?” I’m slowly getting annoyed by his attitude now.
“Yes, she’s coming today, hopefully.” I rolled my eyes.
I didn’t realize that he was staring at me. He scoffed and continued eating. I think I forgot how intimidating he can get. I didn’t mean to roll my eyes, but my patience is actually starting to run low. And where the heck is sis’ Melo with my porridge.
“Qoqo layikhaya!” I know that voice all too well.
I never thought I’d be this happy to see someone.
“Shlobo, thank goodness.” he said that looking directly at me.
“I’m here, nikhala ngani amakati ekhala ngobisi.” this woman!
She hasn’t even settled in yet and she’s already wanting to discuss problems.
“Can I bring you breakfast?” I asked as I helped her carry her bag.
“No Ndlunkulu, don’t worry. Angihleli ngiyadlula.” all this while I can feel his eyes piercing my back.
He’s done with his breakfast and my porridge hasn’t even arrived.
“Shlobo, asibonane ehhovisi.” he said standing up.
I’m guessing that I’m not included in that, so I find my way back to my seat and wait for sis’ Melo to appear with my porridge. Shlobo gives me a questioning look as she watches him disappear down the passage, and I just shrug my shoulders.
One thing I can’t do is deal with a grown man with mood swings. That I will not do. I have a temper of my own, I can’t be dealing with his moods too, otherwise things will explode in this place.
Sis’ Melo finally appeared with my food and I thanked her. I wasn’t going to waste my energy scolding her, I’m saving it for whatever nonsense this man may come with. I’m literally expecting anything now.
Just when I was half-way done with my delicious porridge, Sis’ Melo appeared again.
“My queen, the king has asked you to please come to the study.” quite selfish of him, he finished his meal in peace.
“Okay, I’m coming.” I had two more spoons before standing up and heading to the study.
Shlobo is now allowed to sit on the furniture, something about the ancestors, blah blah blah. I hope they can tell from my facial expression that I really am not happy to be here. And I was the one happy that Shlobo had arrived.
“Come sit down MaGumede and tell me what the problem is.” she pats the seat next to her.
I drag my feet and settle next to her. All this while, he is staring at me.
“Why am I being rushed to come all the way from Amanzimtoti to fix problems when I left here with happy ancestors and zero problems?”
“Baba is assuming that I’m sleep walking.” I said dropping my arms.
“You are sleep walking mkami.” I sighed. Is that why he is in his feelings?
“Why are you saying she’s sleepwalking.” Shlobo asked, looking at him.
“She’s waking up in my bed every morning, with no idea how she got there.”
“Your bed Shlobo? Are you not sleeping in the same bed?” she turned to look at me, she’s paralyzed with shock.
“No we are not.” I answered boldly.
It was a joint decision, we both agreed upon it and we are doing absolutely fine in this arrangement.
“Hhayi, kanjani manje? How do you expect the ancestors to understand that?” silence prevailed.
“Don’t forget that this marriage does not belong to the two of you, but it is the ancestors doing. They are seeing division if you two are not in the same bedroom, being smeared with the gall means nothing if you two won’t even share the same bed. Did you even consummate the marriage?” we looked at each other.
“Weeh kanti niyangisanganela?” she said standing up.
His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped. I feel exactly the same way.
“There is no marriage if you haven’t consummated it, it’s as good as useless. That is why you will continuously have those wet dreams, and you sleepwalk.” wet dreams?
I didn’t mean to laugh, it’s just weird hearing that a grown man is having wet dreams. They both threw me death stares that automatically sent me to silence.
“Fix this, the both of you, I can’t always be here to help you guys.” she said picking up her bag.
“You aren’t staying?” her Shlobo asked.
“No, I’m not. Nisale kahle.”
When he tried to stand up and follow her out, she signaled for him to sit down. He did as instructed and we watched her walk out. She’s leaving us in an awkward position. Now he might chew my head off for laughing at him when she exposed his problem. He cleared his throat before he spoke.
“Which room are we going to move into?” he’s asking me!?
We both know that we are supposed to be in the main bedroom, but we haven’t had the guts to discuss who would be sleeping there. We both just stayed in our separate rooms. Cleaning it out and renovating it was already hard on it’s own, imagine having to move into it. It’s a completely new room now, the furniture was changed and nothing in it has Banzi or MaMzobe, it’s just a new room.
“I don’t know baba.” he leaned back into his seat and sighed.
I feel exactly the same.
“Are you sure you are going to be comfortable sleeping in that room?” i don’t know hey.
I haven’t been in it since it was renovated. I only saw it because the door was open, but I never made any efforts to go inside, I still get chills when I go in there. Clearing Banzi’s clothes out of that room traumatized me.
“If we are forced to, then I’ll have to get used to it.”
“We don’t have to do it if you aren’t ready.” there is no use for him to be acting coy now, it’s not the time.
“You heard Ma’ Mfusi baba, if it doesn’t happen, then the ancestors won’t be happy. And you know what happens when they are unhappy.” bunch of selfish people.
“Yeah I know what happens.” he said feeling defeated.
“I’ll ask the helpers to move our things there then.” he nodded.
I stood up and went to stand behind his chair. I hardly ever touch him, but he’s tense. I place my hands on his shoulders and massage him. This is after all, a mam who has a heart disease, he can’t be stressing all the time. I saw him melting into his chair.
“Baba I need you to stop over thinking things.” he nodded.
“Everything will fall into place. We will do it, and life will go on. It can’t be that difficult right?”
He turned his chair around and looked at me.
“Right.” he put his hands on my waist and lowered me onto his lap.
Our eyes are locked to each other. I’ve never imagined what it would be like to kiss him, now that I’m up close, staring at him, I can’t help but wonder. You can barely see his lips behind his bushy beard. His hands are warm against my waist, my hands start shaking.
He uses his one hand to hold both mine and they stop shaking.
“Are you sure mkami.” he can’t call me that and then ask me the question he is asking me.
“I’m sure.” he tightened his hold on my hands and used his other one to turn my face.
I took a risk and closed my eyes. My heart started racing when I felt his beard against my skin. I parted my lips, waiting to feel his on mine. I was disappointed to feel him plant a wet kiss on my cheek. In that moment I wanted to grab him by the beard and kiss him myself. But I won’t do that; I still respect him too much to do that.
Maybe he doesn’t find me attractive, that’s why he won’t kiss me. Now that I think of it, we’ve been married for two months, he’s never made a move on me, he’s never attempted to kiss me, nor has he ever hinted anything sexual towards me.
I’ve been looking at it from a view point of him just respecting me, or him thinking that I’m young, or he’s too scared to do that to me since I’m young. Now all of that has changed, I’ve married him, he can do whatever he wants to do with me. He’s a man, I know they can’t go too long without the cookie. Is he really not attracted to me? If he wanted mine, he would’ve had it a long time ago.
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This is the richest I have ever felt ever since I arrived to the palace. It’s not much, I’m just in a sundress and sunhat, sitting outside on the glass table having lemonade. I feel like I’m on one of those reality shows that show those rich housewives. The only difference with me is I’m not wearing Gucci slippers and expensive glasses, it’s just my normal Mr Price glasses and Zara slippers that I got ages ago. I haven’t gotten to that point where I spend my husband’s money yet.
My 18th birthday is coming up in like two days. I literally have not made any plans. I can’t really go out anymore, I’m a public figure who has a reputation to uphold. I can’t be seen fraternizing in clubs and restaurants, excepts when my husband is by my side, and I doubt he is one to go out.
I have succumbed to such a boring life. That is what happens when you marry a man thrice your age. He’s lived his life, he’s had enough of it. Mine is only supposed to be starting, but I feel like it’s already over.
“My queen, I’m sorry to disturb you. You have a guest.” I turned around and saw my bestie.
“Chomie.” I said standing up to give her a tight hug.
“Chomie, now I feel under-dressed.” she said inspecting my dress.
“Ihhe, yazi I’m sitting here thinking how much I look like one of those rich housewives with my cheap Zara sandals.” she laughed.
“Babes, anything from Zara isn’t cheap, stop playing with me and sit down.” I haven’t seen her in a while and we live in the same area.
“You don’t love me anymore.” I said pouring her a glass of lemonade.
“That’s not true chomie, I’ve just been occupied.”
“Wifey duties huh?”
“Wifey duties my foot. Nkululeko is taking me for a poes.” I laughed.
She’s not laughing, she actually looks pissed.
“Is everything okay between the two of you?” I asked taking off my shades.
I want to see her facial expressions clearly.
“He thinks they are. I want to go home chomie.” my mind drifts back to the day of Christmas eve.
Even with all the things that happened that day, I still recall how harshly he spoke to her, and how she cried. She’s always seemed happy, but I always kept that at the back of my mind. Maybe she isn’t as happy as she pretends to be.
“What’s wrong?” I asked grabbing her hand.
She just shook her head and wiped her tears.
“I just want to go home friend. My life is stagnant here, all I do is wake up and bow down for Nkululeko. What about all the plans I made for my future. They are all slipping away, slowly becoming a distant dream.”
“What happened to your internship? Were you not supposed to be working?”
“The weekend of your wedding, I was supposed to leave for Margate, but I didn’t know. I had a big falling out with my parents and Nkululeko refused to take me. By the time I got there, my position was filled. I lost out on a once in a lifetime opportunity, all because…” she stopped mid-sentence and wiped her tears.
She suddenly looks frightened, but she gathers herself and fakes a smile. He’s behind me, isn’t he.
“Sthandwa sami.” he goes and give her a kiss on the cheek.
“Ndlunkulu, are you still okay.”
“I’m okay Jama, thank you. Can I have her for just a little while, I don’t see her as often as you do.” he chuckled.
“Definitely.” he lifted her face and gave her a little kiss.
“I’ll see you at home.” he said before he walked away.
I can’t help but get the feeling that she’s scared of him.
“What can I do to help chomie?” I asked reaching out for her hand.”
She laughed as more tears poured out of her beautiful eyes. My heart broke.
“I actually came here to ask you for a job, or something to sustain me you know. I can’t be living off of Nkululeko for the rest of my life.”
“You can’t and you won’t babes. Giving you a job here at the palace would be like disrespecting you and the amount of time you have put into studying hard and making sure you get somewhere in life. I won’t have you working for me.”
“But chomie, I just need anything, even a cleaning job is fine, just so I can save some money to go back home, and pray that my parents take me back.” it really must be unbearable for her to want to go back home even after what happened with her parents.
“I told you, that is not happening. The least I can do is help you re-apply to that company chomie.”
“They won’t take me, I guarantee that. Working for the Mfusi’s is a once in a lifetime opportunity, I messed mine up, I’m never going to get another one again.”  Mfusi?
“Wait, what’s the name of the company?” I asked
“Mthiyane Construction.”
“And who owns it?”
“The Mfusi’s, Kabelo Mfusi to be precise.” small world!
“You know what, I think I might just be able to get you back in quicker.”
“What? Do you know them?” her eyes widened.
I don’t know why she’s shocked. I’m the queen of Zululand for crying out loud, I should know almost everyone in Kwa-Zulu Natal.
“No, not exactly, but I think that man, the one who owns the company is related to Shlobo.”
“Isn’t that nepotism?”
“Well, technically, it is. But I’m the queen, and I’m sure I can get a few favours thrown around, now can I?” I wiggled my eyebrows.
She laughed a little and looked away.
“I’ll speak to Shlobo, hopefully she will listen to me. We aren’t really her favourite people right now.” I said laughing a little.
I guess my laugh is contagious because she’s also smiling too. That’s all I wanted to see, just a little smile. One thing I will always do is make sure this girl is okay, and I will ride with her to the very end because through all the hardships, she’s been there. The least I can do is be there for her too. I owe her that much.
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I tried avoiding him the whole day. I couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes after that moment in the study, and my mind just keeps taking me there. Maybe he really isn’t attracted to me.
My efforts of trying to avoid him are all in vain though because tonight, all roads lead to one destination, that godforsaken bedroom that belongs to the both of us, and that bed that we have to share for the rest of our live.
I don’t know how far the helpers went with moving our stuff. I didn’t even bother myself with supervising them. I was out in the sun, basking.
I just came out of the shower in my old room. I’m using it for the last time because after this I know I won’t come back. I searched the cupboards for anything to sleep in because I wanted to get upstairs already dressed for bed, but there was nothing. I only found a plastic and inside was that lacy black lingerie I got for Mandlenkosi all that while ago. It still has the price tag and all. How dumb was I to set myself up like that? It still shocks me how far I’ve come from that day. Two brothers later, here I am.
I slip into it and look at myself in the mirror. I haven’t looked at my body in the mirror like this in a while. My body has changed; it has endured so much, yet it still is able to keep me alive every single day. I appreciate my body, I love it and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, even with my new zebra stripes and flaps.
I don’t take it off. I just throw my robe on top of it and drag my slippers up to my new sleeping place. I don’t knock, and when I enter, I find him pacing up and down the room, barefoot and shirtless, with only shorts on, revealing his long hairy legs.
“Is everything okay baba?” I ask tightening the robe around my body.
I wasn’t expecting him to be here so early.
“Yes, all is well.” he stopped pacing and looked at me.
Before I could fully rest my eyes on him, he charged my way and grabbed my neck, sucking on my lips as though he were calculating the right moment to take that step. I was breathless, so shocked at I didn’t even have the guts to kiss him back, I just stood there frozen, with my eyes wide open, trying to fathom where the hell that came from.
He pulled away and looked at me. My chest was bouncing up and down, my heart bulldozing my chest.
“Baba…?” he lowers his head and he kisses me again.
It’s not just a normal kiss, it’s hurried, as if it’s something that he’s been longing for. I wish it were romantic.
“Baba wait…” I pushed him off a little.
He didn’t look hurt, he looked rather puzzled.
“Am I doing something wrong? Or are you not ready, I won’t force you if you aren’t ready.” I chuckled and placed my hands on his torso.
“Slow down, please.” I locked my eyes with his and breathed in and out. He followed my lead and he closed his eyes and exhale.
“Are you sure?” he asked again, for like the millionth time.
I took both his hands, placed them on the small of my back, got on my tippie toes, and wrapped my arms around his neck. Without thinking twice, I placed a soft peck on his lips, once, twice, before it turned into a slow kiss. Just the way I like it.
“Like this?” he asked lowering his hands to my bum.
“Like this kaMhlaba.” he nodded before he closed his eyes and kissed me again.
Who would’ve thought that I would be here teaching a grown man how to kiss me right!? The angels must come down and witness this, I might be getting laid tonight!