Amile The Queen

Chapter Sixty-Two

***Amile Gumede***

It's busy around here, but no one is letting me do anything, they even threatened to lock me up in a room if I don't sit still. They don't understand that I'm just a tip away from losing my mind and the longer I sit still, the closer I am to going crazy, and they don't know crazy if they think that what I've been the past few hours is crazy.

I stopped crying on the scene after they took his body, now the tears just won't come. I'm all over the news, social media, tomorrow I'll probably be on the front page of the newspaper.

And just like that, he decided to leave. He chose the easy way out, and that was death. Although I know he didn't intend to die, he didn't fight for his life, not for the sake of me, or his children. What am I going to tell them, MaMzobe is in hospital, unconscious or so I heard. Why couldn't I be her, she's in a much better situation then I could ever be.

I can still smell him on my skin, just a few hours ago, we were together in harmony. Lord when I said I wanted to experience him for the last time, I didn't mean you should take him away from me.

The door opens and my mom walks in. I could jump up and run to hug her to show her how happy I am to see a familiar face, but my body feels numb, heavy. I don't think I can move from this bed.

"Hey baby." her eyes are red and puffy, just like mine.

She's holding a tray with a teapot and tea cups. I wonder who told her I'm looking to have a tea party.

I don't peep a word.

"How are you feeling?" she's asking me as if I just healed from a minor flu.

This hurts worse than it did losing that foetus.

"I bought you some chamomile tea to calm you down." she places it on the chair before she comes to sit next to me.

She holds me and forces me to lay my head on her bosom. I don't know if she's expecting me to cry or what. I can tell she feels helpless, but she's trying to hold herself together, and that's what I need right now, strong people.

"Mama, why me?" I asked removing my head from her bosom.

She tried to make me rest again, but I refused.

"That lady, that man's side kick, she said that my father knew about this. Is it true?" she took in a deep breath and wiped her tears.

"I don't know sthandwa sami. He never told me anything." I believe her, but I need answers.

"I don't deserve this right?" I asked her.

"You don't my baby." tears kept streaming down her face while my eyes are as dry as the Khalahari.

"Then why is it happening to me?" She held my cheeks and looked at me dead in the eyes.

"Because maybe there is something in you that no one has. Something that told the ancestors that you could do it, no one else but you." she herself doesn't believe what she is saying.

"And what is that thing mama, being passed from brother to brother like some toy?" she drew in a deep breath.

"What about my feelings? First it was Nkosi, he made me fall in love with him only for him to not fight for our love and he happily passed me down to his brother, now his dead brother is here to claim me from the one I married, as if I haven't spent the last few months getting to know him, adjusting to life with him. And it's not like I'm being given a choice in all of this." she poured me a cup of tea.

I won't lie, it smelt amazing. She handed me a cup and I took it, inhaling the steamy hot contents.

"I'm sorry my angel, it hurts me to see you suffering like this and I wish I could take all the pain and bear it for you. I just feel so useless." I closed my eyes.