Only for you darling

32.

32. You both deserve each other

Freya

It was fifth of october, birthday of Joel and Joonas.
At night we would go to Olli's and Eevi's house and have a small party there, but now it's morning, and we have the whole day to do something.
I just woke up from Joel's arms, and I kept on watching him as he was sleeping so peacefully. I moved couple locks of his hair aside from his face, and I just smiled.

"What the fuck!" I heard Joonas saying loudly at the living room. I moved my head to the door and I frowned as I heard Joonas taking steps towards this room. He opened the door fastly and looked at us with shocked face, but smirking as well.
"Dude! You're thirty!" He laughed out loud. I just sighed as I saw how Joel woke up.
"Asshole..." Joel mumbled angrily. Then Joonas' face dropped as he got the situation, or there wasn't any situation, but maybe he thought so. He pressed his lips tightly together.
"Sorry, I thought that you two.. like.. won't do.. you know..." Joonas struggled with speaking straight, it irritated Joel.
"Do what?" The man next to me spoke loudly with his eyes closed. I felt how he put his hand on my waist under the blanket, I had to inhale as the chills runned down my whole body.

"Sex." Joonas stared at us. I have no idea why we're having this conversation and why this is such a big deal.
"And?" I raised my other eyebrow to Joonas. He just shrugged his shoulders, and then pointed us with his finger. Yeah, Joel isn't having a shirt, and I have one of Joel's shirts on. We sleep like this every night.
"I can't sleep without a shirt? I never sleep with a shirt on." Joel's tone was tired. Whatever was happening right now, it amused me and I couldn't help but smile and hide my face in to Joel's neck.

"Okay, okay, I leave you two alone. Just wanted to remind you that you're now thirty." Joonas smiled as he was closing the door.
"Fucking say that again and I'll revenge when it's your turn in a year." Joel challenged him. I just chuckled silently as Joonas stared at us eyes wide open.
"Happy birthday to you too." I said to him just before he closed the door.
"Thank you!" Joonas shouted from the other side of the door.

Then we just turned our heads to look at each other with Joel. We both let out a short and quiet chuckle, and then I layed my head down against his bare chest. We just were there, breathing and probably thinking about what we should do next.
The silence between us started to hurt my ears, so I decided to move a bit so I could look at him in the eyes. Joel turned his eyes on me with questioning look as I tried to open up my mouth and say something. But I got so lost into his eyes, so I had to look away.
"What do you want to do today.. before the party?" I decided to ask. It wasn't really the thing I wanted to talk about but.. we have to do something today so.. or we don't.
Joel probably heard my uncertainty, and I was sure that he wanted to ask that what was really going on in my mind. But he just shrugged his shoulders once as his gaze wandered around.

"I have no idea. I think.. trying to realize that I really am thirty." He smirked as he moved his gaze back to me. I just shook my head slowly, amused.
Then he looked at the roof, sighing.
"I'm old." His tone was kinda anxious. I frowned a bit and sat up a little.
"Men over thirty are the hottest ones." I said suggestively as I draw some circles to his arm. He slowly looked at me, he tried to hide his small smirk but it was clearly hard for him. I saw how he got chills by my touch.
He then sat up just as much as I, and he looked at me deep in the eyes. His gaze wandered to my lips, but quickly he looked away. It makes me feel sad that he maybe thinks that he can't even look at me like that. I want him to look at me. I want him to look at my lips. And I want him to show the desire he has and not hide it away. He does it for me, that I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. But I want to know if he still desires me at all, if he wants to continue this.. whatever this is.