Only for you darling

17.

17. After all what I've done

Freya

I just arrived to the studio, I would have one photoshoot in the afternoon. But I have to do some editing today, and also I need to have that conversation with Tuomas.
"Morning." I said a bit unsure, but no one answered.
It was completely silent in here, and there wasn't even lights on. But the front door was open, so Tuomas has to be here. Or someone else.
I left my stuff to the table and made my way to the kitchen. There was coffee in the machine, so I poured it to my mug. But when I tasted it, I frowned and had to spit it out back, it was cold.
I heard something from Tuomas' office, I turned my head to my left to look at the door. It was a bit open.
"Is there someone?" I asked while placing that mug to the kitchen counter.
I started to take slow steps towards the office. Then I heard a loud noice, like something was throwed to the ground. It made me flinch, and in that moment I rushed in.

It made me freeze when I saw Tuomas leaning against the table with his hands, his chin against his chest. I looked to the ground and there was his stuff. His hair was messy, and he was breathing fastly. It made me a bit scared.
"Hey.. are you okay?" I swallowed. He didn't react, like I wasn't even there.

He shook his head very little bit, I saw he was tense.
Slowly he lifted his head up, and his red and tired eyes looked at me. My mouth got slightly open, what has happened to this man? He's been crying.
I took one step closer.
"What's going on? Have you been here all night?" I looked at the messy office, and then him again.
He bit his lower lip and nod his head.
He stared at his table, and his lower lip shaked a bit.
He tried so hard not to cry. I went one step closer again.
"It doesn't matter. Why you care." He answered.
He sounded nothing like usually. He was weak, sad and shocked. It made me concerned. And his words made me feel bad.

"I do care."
He lifted his gaze up to me, he couldn't believe his ears right now. He was frowning, but didn't have much energy to do that either. He slowly took a sit, and his gaze was wandering around.
"My dad isn't doing well.. he's very sick. Cancer." He mumbled against his hands, he covered his face with them.
I was speechless. I just stood there, not knowing what the hell I'm supposed to do. He's been such an ass towards me, thinking that he owns me somehow. And I've been rude. I don't like rude people, and I don't want to be one. I walked closer, to the other side of the table. To that side where my stupid boss is sitting right now, hiding his face and trying to cover his tears. If I were on his situation right now, I know I wouldn't want to be alone. I would want someone to comfort me. I would want that someone to hold me and stroke my head, telling me that everything will be alright. Even though there is no guarantee of that. And I know, I know, that Tuomas would be there for me. Because he apparently cares about me, even though.. I don't.. care about him.
Like he just said. Why you care.
His words echoed in my head.

Maybe he does wrong decisions. Maybe he does
things he shouldn't do. Maybe he says things he shouldn't say. But after all, he's a human.
He has family. He has dreams. He's ambitious.
I don't know about his family, or dreams.
But I know one thing; He's lonely.

I know how it feels. I know it better than I know my own dad. Me roasting myself.. touché.

I see that he's lonely. I was in his brother's birthday party and I saw how he talked with everyone, made everyone laugh. But I don't believe that he has true friends. He has just spent the whole night in here, at the studio, crying and being so fucking mad and sad, as he should.
Carefully I placed my hand on his shoulder, he flinched a bit, but didn't show me his face.
He's under his shell, he's vulnerable.
"Life is fucking unfair." He murmured, and I heard the sadness in his voice. I closed my eyes for a second, then opened them again.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry of everything." I tried to comfort him as much as I could. I placed my hand around his both shoulders, carefully and slowly. The more I touched him, the more his body tensed.
I don't know if he wants me to touch him, but he didn't gave me a signal to leave.
"I should be the one to apologize." He finally let his hands lay on the table.