Waves - Book #2 [completed]

21 ~ Nepenthe

Nepenthe
noun
Something that makes you forget grief or suffering

"Happy New Year, Mason," Luca, my brothers' girlfriend, chants, being the first one to pick up in the group video call on New Year's Day.

She doesn't look like Riley and their voices are completely different, but I'm instantly brought back to the moment Riley pressed her soft lips against my jaw. One thing leads to another and my mind is spiraling, reliving that kiss and my desire of wanting to steal sweet kisses along her jaw, neck and everywhere else. Kissing has never been my favorite thing to do, not since knowing what comes after. I mean, I still enjoy it. But with Riley it felt different. Exciting. Electric. I want more. So much more.

And now I facepalm myself because I feel like a coward, for disappearing on her like I did. I should've told her that I only stopped because she's been drinking. I should've told her that stopping was the last thing I wanted.

The call with my family doesn't last long. There are too many people in the background and my connection is bad. Eventually, Rathi, Danny and I pile into my rental and I drive us back to Connor Head. We don't talk and only the playing radio fills the silence. It's for the better because I don't think I could stitch together coherent sentences after last night anyway.

We're about twenty minutes away from the house when Danny perks up, "Isn't that one of your songs?" He increases the volume and it sure is a Saving Curtis song.

"I had no idea they play our music here," I mumble.

"That's not you singing, is it?" Rathi asks.

"No, I don't-"

"Sing," both finish for me.

"I don't understand why you wouldn't." Rathi's hands clasp the edges of my backrest. "Your voices sound very similar."

I make a noise but don't engage further. It's true, Curtis and I do have similar voices. Mine has more of a natural gravel in it and I surely could have made lead singer. The reason I didn't is because I'm insecure about it. You're watched, graded and evaluated even more singing, and it freaks me the fuck out.

After the song's over we're back to silence and soon I park the car on the curb in front of the house. I grab two bags from the trunk without checking which ones they are and trudge to the house.

"What's up with you?" Rathi asks, coming in last and closing the door.

"Nothing! I'm just tired."

The air inside the house is stuffy and too warm and I feel myself getting frustrated. There's too much going on in my head. Too many thoughts and worries. Too many emotions. I drop the bags in the hallway and attempt to go lie down when Danny bars my way. I could easily take him but decide against it, turn around and almost run into Rathi.

She crosses her arms, flashing her eyes at me somberly. "You're broody and acting weird. Spill!"

"It's nothing."