Our Fate [OUR SERIES #2]

CHAPTER 1

'Her…'

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I always wanted to have an ideal life. The one that feels free and peaceful, smiles on a perfect dish, laughs after each mistake, late night drives after a long tiry day, coffee while letting the sun kiss my skin after I do my morning routine. 

And life doesn't always give you what you want even though it's the simplest thing. It will always teach you to go through mountains and experience downfalls before giving you much more of what you wanted. It will bring you to your lowest of lows that will challenge your determination and braveness. Sadly, sometimes when you're at your lowest, you're stuck in there. And nothing will ever lift you up… not even yourself… not even your braveness… not even all of your determination.

I've experienced a lot of things as I've grown up. Failed relationships, disappointment, love, patience, pain, heartbreaks, toxicity, loneliness, name it all. And it's funny how these experiences still make me wonder about what and who I really am. Like those aren't enough for the heavens to give me whatever I first wanted: to recognize myself and to be able to feel that I am loved.

Whenever I get close to something that I really wanted, fate always tells me that I don't fit in. It's either I am too much or I am lacking. Never enough for something that I felt like I deserve. I always am trying to blend and adjust for everything but things don't always work out for me.

I always tell myself that maybe I am too young and this isn't my time yet. Maybe I need more but as I am aging, I realized that I was never young. This lifetime just wasn't meant for me. Never.

No matter how hard I try, no matter how low I go, no matter how many mistakes I make, I am stuck in this phase of life. I am never welcome to enter the next level.

And I gave up believing that I'll find my purpose, that I'll get to know myself, that I will be loved. I am letting go of those stupid hopes and live to die.

I am done trying to blend in in this world and doing my best… because no matter what, the outcome still stays the same. I'll get hurt in the end trying to force things.

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"Where's my list of students, Elvira?" I commanded while extending my palms to the English Department head teacher. 

"Is that a nice way to address a Head Teacher Ms. Aragon?" Elvira exclaimed lightly. 

She rolled her eyes on me and started to look at her pile of papers. She has loads of work to do since she's the head teacher and she still looks like she's cool with all of this paperworks. She's so workaholic. 

"Cut the crap, kailan uuwi yung magaling mong pinsan?" I asked and took some peanuts from her table. 

She was still busy looking for the paper I was asking for a while ago. "I don't know. She's busy with her life in Australia. Let her do whatever she wants." Elvira replied without raising an eye on me. 

"Limang taon na siya sa Australia, wala atang balak umuwi?" 

"I heard she will before the school year begins. Maybe next month, she'll be here."

I was stunned for a moment. "Talaga? Hindi nga?" 

"Yes? Aren't you two talking? Social media is trending nowadays, you should try it." Supladang anito at tinalikuran ako upang suriin ang iba pang papel sa shelves niya. 

I did not bother replying to her sarcastic response. She's so annoying and cold towards everyone that everytime I wanted to ask for Gayle, we always failed to communicate properly because of her sarcastic tone.