Against Reason

If We Had Been Closer in Age

~ "but to her, I taste of nothing at all" ~

Vera's POV

It's around 1 AM and I'm curled up on the window seat in our bedroom, staring at a street lamp. Just an hour ago, Sean was trying to make me have sex with him, but I told him I was tired. And then of course he threw a hissy fit and went to sleep on the couch. I feel like I'm genuinely beginning to hate him, and that scares me. I don't know what I would do if it came to getting a divorce, I don't know how to be a single mom. My teaching job doesn't pay a whole lot, and I'm clueless when it comes to home maintenance and all that crap.

Just as I'm beginning to spiral, I see a black SUV pull up to Aria's house. I know she doesn't have a car, so I move closer to the window to try to figure out who it is. I watch as some blonde girl gets out first, then goes to open the door for Aria. My eyes widen when they begin to makeout, heavily. I feel a twinge of jealously, which is ridiculous. When they start to grope each other, I pull my eyes away. Now I feel nauseous. Groaning, I put my head in my hands and shut my eyes, desperately trying to get that damn girl out of my mind.

I hadn't kissed my husband in months, before today. I don't even know why I did it. I knew she was watching because I have a dumb habit of glancing over at her house whenever I'm outside, at her window in particular. I think a part of me just wanted to show her that I'm somebody's wife and that I belong to someone. This weird thing between us isn't going to go anywhere, and I need to put an end to it before it comes back to bite me in the ass.

Aria's POV

I slowly become conscious, and immediately I feel an intense pounding in my head. The room is lit up like it's on fire because of the sunlight streaming in, and the sight is too much for my weary eyes. I suddenly remember that I have a girl in my bed, and unless she wants to see my dinner from last night, she's gotta go. I gently poke her shoulder a couple times, which works and she soon wakes up. The girl, who's name I cannot remember at the moment, looks around dazed and confused.

"...oh shit" she mutters. I get up and pull on my underwear and a big t shirt that was on the floor. I go into the bathroom and grab her a glass of water and ibuprofen. When I return, she's quickly getting dressed. I wordlessly hand her the water and pills. She smiles with gratitude, then finishes getting dressed.

"Uh, your car's out front" I say, awkwardly scratching my head.

"Yeah. Thanks. I, um, had fun." I just purse my lips and give her a half nod. And with that, she's gone. I sigh a breath of relief, before flopping down onto my bed. Oh fuck, I need to wash my sheets now.

"Ughhhh" I groan, clutching my stomach. Is this cramps? No, wait, I'm gonna barf.

After a very fun Sunday spent in the bathroom, I decide to call it a day and just go to sleep really early. 4 pm to be exact. I can't believe I have school tomorrow.

The sun comes up, and that makes one of us. I hate Mondays. I can't force myself out of my warm bed, but if I miss much more school I'll be in deep shit. With that in mind, I roll out of bed and pull on a pair of jeans. I leave with my hair looking like a kinky mess, and a raggedy band t-shirt clothing my body. I spot Vera leaving her house and I involuntarily smile. She glances over at me so I wave, but she doesn't make any effort to return the sentiment. Ouch. Maybe she's PMSing. Grabbing my beat up skateboard, I head to school.

I go to my first period, Econ, and make it with 5 seconds to spare. The rest of my classes go by so fucking slow and I find myself counting down the minutes until I can go home to my comfy bed.

During a passing period, I see Vera walking through the halls. She looks so pretty, as per usual. She's got on a white jumper and some mom jeans, and she straightened her hair. I feel my heartrate quicken at the mere sight of her. Time seems to slow down as we make eye contact. Her azure orbs pierce into my soul. We pass by each other, but I can't find a hint of emotion on her face. I offer up a small smile, but her face just seems to fall even more and she takes her eyes off me. I slowly stop walking, feeling like someone just punched me in the gut. She doesn't pause and walks off to her classroom. What the hell?

Now I'm in an even worse mood for the rest of my classes. I either sleep, or find myself replaying that strange interaction. In last period, I get a text.

Vera Avila: Hello Aria, I found a new sitter for the girls, so you can have your afternoons back. Thanks for all your help.

What is her deal today? I was actually enjoying my time with the girls, and I know for a fact that they talk very fondly about me to their mom. So why would she replace me? I don't even listen to Mr. Smith talk about the Victorian age authors, and when the bell rings I'm the first out the door. I book it to Vera's classroom to get answers. I don't bother knocking when I see that her door is shut, I just barge in. She looks up from her work, and she looks pissed off when she registers that its me.

"....What are you doing here Aria?" she asks in a very tired voice that takes me aback some. She looks back at her work and I nervously mess with my rings.

"What is your deal today?" I ask, suddenly gaining my confidence back.

"Excuse me?" she asks.

"You've been a total bitch all day Vera!"

"Watch your mouth! And it's Mrs. Avila here." She stands up and I suddenly feel very small under her angry gaze. "You have no right to barge into my classroom and take that tone with me."

"I deserve an explanation! You've been ignoring me since Saturday morning!"

"Aria, I don't owe you anything. You're simply my neighbor, a student at the school I teach at, and most importantly, a child. Nothing more. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, but I'm married. And even if I wasn't, nothing could have happened between us anyway." My heart drops to my feet and I can feel hot tears begin to well in my eyes.

"That's bullshit and you know it" I say just loud enough for her to hear me. There's a long silence, and she leans slightly on her desk and looks down at her work. Her brown locks fall in front of her face, and my hands twitch, wanting to tuck her hair behind her ear for her.

"You should go" she mutters, still looking down. I scoff and just accept the fact that this entire thing was apparently one sided.

"Fuck you, Mrs. Avila" I say, my words laced with rage. Then I turn to leave. I grab my board from my locker and go home, wanting nothing more than to hole up in my room and sob in my bed.

When I do get home, I go straight to my bed and take off my jeans, then throw myself onto the mound of pillows and blankets. My tears finally come out, and they fall hard and fast. I run my hands through my hair as sobs rack my body. How could I be so stupid. I opened myself up to someone who doesn't give a shit about me? I feel like I could vomit, with how hard I'm crying. It's like a dam was broken and the tears flood out, and won't stop.

Eventually, I calm myself down a little. My breathing is normal again, but I'm still slightly crying. I decide to put headphones in, and the first song that plays is All Too Well by Taylor fucking Swift. I don't have the energy to skip it, so I just lay down and focus all of my attention on the song.

...They say all's well that ends well

but I'm in a new hell every time

You double-cross my mind

You said if we had been closer in age

Maybe it would have been fine

and that made me want to die.