Against Reason

Sports with Balls

~ "why can't you want me like the other boys do? they stare at me, while i stare at you" ~

It's Saturday, and instead of chilling at home in my bed, Michael dragged me along to his baseball game. So here I am, sitting in the uncomfortable bleachers under the scorching sun,  pretending to be interested in this dumb game. Michael's shit at baseball so he's currently in the outfield pretending to be invested. I audibly groan and decide to buy myself a water or something. I leave the bleachers and make my way to the concessions, but a little league game adjacent to Michael's catches my eye. It honestly looks more entertaining, plus kids are cute, so I meander on over to that game. I don't sit in the bleachers, but stand by the fence next to the dugout actually watching this game.

"Aria?" I hear a soft voice call. Oh God. I look to my left and see Vera sitting in the bleachers. She looks breathtaking, per usual. She's not in her teacher attire, but instead sporting jean shorts and a tank top. Her hair is in a simple ponytail, but she makes it look elegant. My eyes glance over her perfect porcelain, smooth legs. Fuck.

"Hey Vera. Is one of yours playing?" I say, now going to sit next to her.

"Elody. She's at second" she points and smiles. Sure enough, Elody is standing at second with her tiny glove and adorable jersey. "How come you're here?"

"Oh my boyfriend is playing at the other field" I motion with my head. She just raises her brows and nods. It's quiet for a little as we both watch the game, but she breaks the silence first.

"So shouldn't you go be a supportive girlfriend and watch his game?" Vera questions. She's right I definitely should be. I would but I really hate him and have no positive feelings or attraction to him whatsoever. Also I'm gay. So. Yeah.

"Sports with balls aren't really my thing" I mutter before I can even think about what I just said. I mean that's not a lie, I did do dance for like 10 years of my life, I only quit because of the toll it took on my mental health. Anyway, it would be too awkward to take it back, but thankfully Vera just chuckled.

"Noted" she says. "But you're watching this baseball game?"

"Only because the girls all look adorable with their little bats and the tee" I admit.

"Can't say I disagree."

"Where's Sean?" I question. Maybe I'm overstepping, but I don't see him anywhere and this is his daughters' game.

"He's at some bar downtown with his friends" she says. It's like she suddenly became shy, she breaks eye contact and stares at her lap. What kind of Dad misses his kids' game to go drink with friends? I just nod and try to think of a new subject. "How's school?" she asks.

"It's good. I'm grateful this is my senior year, but there's still a long way to go since it's only August."

"Do you have any plans for after high school?"

"I have no idea honestly. I might take a gap year to travel, but I have no idea what I would do after." she just nods and shifts her attention back to her daughter. But I'm not ready to quit looking at her. Her side profile itself makes her look almost angelic. God, and her pink, full lips. I think this is a good example of gay panic.

Almost as if she can feel my eyes on her she looks back over at me with a knowing smirk.

"And what might you be staring at?" she taunts. Shit. I rack my three brain cells to try to think of an excuse.

"Sorry, you just have a leaf or something in your hair" I say, which isn't even a lie because she does have a tiny leaf in her brown locks, right on her hairline, probably because it's fall and everything's dying.

"Oh" she laughs. "Could you get it for me?" I stop breathing and take a minute to process her request.

"Mhm sure" I mutter. I shift my body towards her and lean closer. I grab the leaf and make the mistake of looking into her eyes. She's staring back at me and I can feel myself freeze. I don't think either of us are breathing. It's like there's this magnetic pull that she radiates. I quickly glance down to her perfect lips, which definitely doesn't go unnoticed by her. Before anything else happens, I hear someone shout "ARIA!" I whip my head around and see Michael standing by the dugout with a pissed off expression. Vera clears her throat and scoots away from me.

"Nice talking to you Aria" she states, her eyes now fixed on the game. I don't bother responding, I just walk down to my pouty boyfriend.

"What are people gonna think when my own girlfriend doesn't even care enough to watch my baseball game?" he rants. I just roll my eyes and mutter

"Who gives a fuck?" He just scoffs.

"I can't with you Aria. Like what the fuck is your deal? It's like you don't even want to be dating me!" He gets increasingly louder and I know it's drawing attention. I keep a stone face, not giving him any reaction.

" 'Kay" I spit with a smile. He looks baffled as I go to grab my skateboard and get out of here. As I get further away from the fields, I can feel hot tears well in my eyes. Why does this have to be so hard?

----------------------------------------------------

After awhile of skating around with no destination, I just push the feelings down and call Iris. She's been one of my closest friends for I don't even know how many years. She is a huge bitch, but I'd rather have shitty friends than no friends at all.

"Sup" she finally answers.

"I need to go somewhere and get shitfaced, can you find a party happening tonight?" I say. She's more social than me, she always knows drama, who's dating who, who's hosting a party, etc.

"I think there's one at Cherie's. I can get you in an hour."

"Thank God for you" I say, kissing the phone. I skateboard home, run through the front door and to my room, then begin trying to find an outfit for tonight. I decide on a tiny tank top with a black jean jacket, some plaid pants, and my docs.

I have to admit, I look decent for once. I quickly do my makeup before Iris gets here. No one really taught me how to correctly apply makeup, so I had to teach myself freshman year. I'm still pretty shit at it, I just smudge a bunch of eyeliner everywhere and apply too much mascara, but it still makes me look good every time. I pull my curly hair out of its ponytail, ruffle it some, and I'm ready to go.

"HERE!" Iris screams from her car. I roll my eyes and go downstairs. She broke her horn like the dumbass she is. Apparently she overused it or hit it too hard, I'm still not sure what happened.

"Hey bitch!" she annoyingly shouts as I get into her car. I smack her upside the head and tell her to get moving because I need alcohol.

Eventually we arrive, and I get the same jittery feelings I always get at these things. I shake it off, grab Iris's hand, and head inside. The bass of some rap song makes the entire house vibrate. The only lighting around the house is some led lights, which make it pretty effing hard to see. I almost eat shit when I trip on someone literally just laying on the ground.

I finally find the kitchen and pour myself a red solo cup full of straight vodka.

"Whoa, not so much man!" Iris warns. I just flip her off and pour more. I take my first sip and it burns all the way down my esophagus.

Hours pass and by this point I'm extremely fucked up. I struggle just walking in a straight line. I also lost Iris at some point, so I don't really have a way to get home. Is the room moving? What the fuck? I laugh to myself and go find the mosh pit of people dancing. I shove my way in and begin to dance like an idiot. This carefree feeling right here is why I come to dumb high school parties like this. I can feel the bass' vibrations in my body. The led lights are flashing different colors. I feel barely conscious, but I don't stop moving my body to the music. Everyone is disgustingly sweaty because of the sheer amount of people in here, and the air is thick, making it hard to breathe. I pay no notice and keep enjoying myself.

Eventually I feel myself succumbing to the mixture of alcohol I consumed and the lack of oxygen in my lungs. I fight my way out of the cramped room and try to find an empty bedroom or something to crash in. I finally find a guest bedroom with no one in it, just a bunch of plastic cups littering the ground. I rejoice and promptly crash into the carpet, quickly passing out.