Fake Fiancée

38. Leaving Tonight

38. Leaving Tonight

"You fooled me from the start, when you let me start to love you//And I-I figured it all to be love, but this isnt lovely." - The Neighbourhood

Andie

Days passed, slow at first, and then fast. The never settling paste had taken a place in my empty schedule. Now that my act was over I was left with five things - an endless amount of money, a loving psychologist who because of me, lost his license, a best friend who I barely called because of the constant fear of tinting her happiness with never ending depression, an endless amount of hate filled letters from those who despised me for what I had done.. And lastly, loneliness.

And now, as I looked at the calendar placed on top of James' window - which read February fourteenth I realized that it hasn't been days. It's been weeks. Time really had taken a toll on me. James and I had been spending the last few days packing his office. Although he has lost his job here he got offered many opportunities in Europe until he finally settled for Ireland.

He offered that I come with him. Start a new life, but as I so often repeated and now realize more than ever there is no way I can forget the history I had here and move on. I would like to, but.. For some reason I can't.

I still told him I would reconsider. The thing is, I only had a few hours to. His flight left at ten tonight.

"Pass me the tape please." He quietly said to me, and I reached over for it before tossing it at him.

"I said pass, not throw." He chuckled, and without looking back at him, I flipped him off. It only made him laugh more. "You really are something..."

"Yeah yeah whatever," I rolled my eyes, but smiled anyway. James always made me smile in the most innocent ways possible. Unlike Harry, he was a pervertive fuck just like me.

"Listen, I gotta go.. I have to visit my mom today." I walked over to him, and he put the box he was holding down and walked over to me.

"Okay," he smiled down at me. God it sucks being short sometimes. "Are you still thinking about Ireland? We could make a life for us there... We'll be happy." His fingers caressed my cheek slowly and I nodded with a tight smile. I was thinking.. Pro's and con's. What scares me is that the pro's are much larger than the con's yet I'm so resistant to moving.

"Okay well..." He wrapped his arms around me, and I did so too. "Call if you need, I'll try to finish up here."

"You could finish today If it weren't for the fact that you're as slow as a turtle." I murmured to him, and broke away to get my purse. He laughed.

"I'm not." He replied.

I walked over to the door and looked back at him with a smile. "Keep telling yourself that."

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I hadn't noticed how cloudy it had gotten until I exited my car at my stop. Image looked like they could be either from a scary movie or a sad one. I still hadn't quite decided which one I was in. The tall pine trees looked even greener against the greyish sky, and the slowly but surely dying flowers in most of the tombstones were a dull representation of the colors they once were.

They kind of reminded me of me, I used to be bright, and colorful, and everything went to hell when I had to act as an adult when I was just a child. Either way, although the whole place depressed me more than I already was, I went in.

My mother's grave was far from the entrance, and the longer I walked the more I wanted to turn around and leave. What would I receive from this? More tears? I clutched the flowers close to my body when I finally reached... Her. I stood in front of her grave, before kneeling down and taking out the flowers that had turned grey and perished away and replaced them with the new buttercups. Those were her favorite.