Falling

Past

The night after the exam, we talked well into the morning. Saturday nights meant call nights for us. Suddenly we checked the time and it was 5am. Oops.

Also, I had been telling him about Ashley and her boyfriend getting Spotify premium duo and he had immediately retaliated by asking me if I want to too. Impressive. Hot. Rich. Lol.

Anyway, we thought about it and we decided to get premium. We paid half and half (I'm a feminist, Come on) and yesss now we got premium!!

18/12/21
After all that talking I now realise I've never liked someone as much as I like him. He's so likeable. He makes me feel as if I'm so valuable.
How does he even take so much responsibility in life? He takes care of me, of everyone. I can't even understand how he functions. I guess his heart is in the right place. People like that are hard to find. Especially in this 21st century contaminated world. He's impressive.

He's right to feel that he'd hurt me one day. That's what he's scared about. That's why he feels he's not good enough. But I don't care about who he used to be. I just care about who he is to me and who he's going to be.

Everyone's past has a dark shadow. What matters is if they choose to leave it behind and walk into the sunshine. Im pretty sure he's given up that shadow in his life. I can see him healing and I'm very happy for him.

He deserves the world. I really hope he thinks I can be the right person for him. I don't think I'd ever make him feel as if im unsatisfied with him, because he takes such good care of me. Like suchhhh good care. It's like I can be vulnerable around him. I always play it tough in front of everyone but only a very few people know who I am under that tough shell. And I've not been so vulnerable with even one person till now. I know I need time to develop my physical love again, something about my ex relationship is stopping me from getting physical soon. But I can't help getting attached emotionally to him. It's just happening. How do you speak a 5 hour call without getting emotionally attached?
I think he feels I won't accept him for who he is. But he's wrong. I'm falling for exactly who he is, and no one else. That includes all of the ghosts of his past which haunts him. When he can accept me for who I am and what I've done, I'm pretty sure I'm ready to accept him for who he's been.